orangesalmon
29 posts
Latest Posts by orangesalmon
You're miserable, and you're lonely, and you're going to trap me here to keep me every bit as miserable and lonely too!
4x12 || annabelle--cane || 2x19 || our song - rainbow kitten surprise || 8x20 || r/AmItheAsshole || 7x16 || anonymous || 3x22 || do your worst - the happy fits || 2x16 || ask polly || 8x16 || it's all futile! it's all pointless! - wilbur soot || 4x12
wilson + looking at house
end of beginning - djo
good morning tumblrinas
“I love you”… “It’ll pass”
GOD FLEABAG BROKE ME
DID YOU KNOW I RECENTLY HAD A BROTHER DIE, TOO?
the bear / phoebe waller-bridge / lilly dancyger / david byrne / dan pearce / suzy kassem / toni morrison / joseph fink / rabbi joseph telushkin / emily dickinson / richard siken / lone twin network / aanchal malhotra / frank ocean / gabrielle calvocoressi / maurice sendak
36 questions that can make two strangers fall in love
In Mandy Len Catron’s Modern Love essay, “To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This,” she refers to a study by the psychologist Arthur Aron (and others) that explores whether intimacy between two strangers can be accelerated by having them ask each other a specific series of personal questions. The 36 questions in the study are broken up into three sets, with each set intended to be more probing than the previous one.
The idea is that mutual vulnerability fosters closeness. To quote the study’s authors, “One key pattern associated with the development of a close relationship among peers is sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personal self-disclosure.” Allowing oneself to be vulnerable with another person can be exceedingly difficult, so this exercise forces the issue.
The final task Ms. Catron and her friend try — staring into each other’s eyes for four minutes, with the suggested duration ranging from two minutes to four. But Ms. Catron was unequivocal in her recommendation. “Two minutes is just enough to be terrified,” she told me. “Four really goes somewhere.”
Set I
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
Set II
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
Set III
25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “
26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share …”
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
The problem isn’t falling in love, it’s staying in love.
Source: http://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html
If you need…
Rest and recuperation:
- take a nap
- sit in the warm sunshine
- cuddle a pet
- take a bath
- go to bed early
- meditate
- forget all the yoga and just lie in corpse pose for however long you need
Self love:
- put on body lotion
- change your clothes into something more comfortable
- wash your hair
- light some candles
- write a love letter to yourself
- list 10 good things about yourself
Reminiscence and nostalgia:
- watch a childhood classic on TV
- clean your room: make it cozy and safe
- care for yourself the way your guardians would when you were a sick child
- do a small task or hobby that you used to love - listen to old music
- play a game from your past
Energy:
- eat a healthy meal
- put on some upbeat music
- drink ice cold water
- change into clothes that make you feel good but aren’t pyjamas
- go for a walk
- challenge yourself to do the things you want to do and reward yourself after
Companionship:
- get in touch with a friend
- go to a public place, like a coffee shop
- say hello to a stranger
- call your mum
- message a long lost friend
- arrange to meet someone you love
- join online groups of people with similar interests
Health:
- do some light exercise
- drink a glass of water
- do some yoga or stretches
- go to bed early
- take a short walk or jog
- eat something healthy and tasty
- clean your home
To express yourself:
- write about how your feelings
- dance to your favourite music
- sing
- put on makeup
- paint or draw
- bullet journal
- write a story, some poetry or a diary entry
- change your hairstyle
Comfort:
- drink something warm
- go somewhere you feel safe
- spend time with safe, loving people
- watch a lovely tv show or movie
- get under some blankets
- if it’s cold, sit by a fire
- cuddle someone or something
- give yourself a little hug
self checks are a very important part of self-care and good mental health! make sure you check up on yourself and do things that help you when you don’t feel so good.
Losing your virginity tips 🍒 (by me for once)
if you’re getting to the age or point in your relationship where you think you might be ready to start having sex; here are sum tips
1. if you feel nervous or anxious about it at all, you might not be ready. if you’re just doing it because you’re partner is pressuring you, or all your friends are encouraging you, you’re not ready. When you’re ready, you’ll be comfortable with the thought of having sex without having to be coaxed into it
2. Please, please, please use protection, at least one form or another. Especially if you’re a teenager, you probably wouldn’t want to get pregnant, and don’t forget that STD’s exist and can ruin your life
3. Make sure you’re doing this with someone you’re absolutely comfortable with. They will inevitably see you naked and if the thought of that makes you uncomfortable, you’re not quite ready, which is fine too
4. To avoid awkward situations, make sure you have a good time and place with enough privacy. If you don’t want someone to walk in on you or passerby’s to see you, make sure you’re somewhere that’s not possible.
5. Remember that you don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with and that even if you’ve started something and feel like stopping at any point, this is valid and a good partner will respect your decision
6. Ok, now if you’re ready and all of the previous tips are in order, make sure you’re in your best shape. I don’t mean your body or anything like that. Any body is a good body. But I mean make sure you’re feeling confident. Be hygienic, make sure you’re clean and smelling your best and wearing something you feel confident in.
7. Have fun, be safe. Sure, losing your “v-card” only happens once, but it doesn’t have to define you. So if even if you wanted to do this, and nothing went wrong, and you still regret it, that’s okay, you’ll have a million other chances.
Love y’all!! 💘
Do you have like a checklist or something of things that need to be done before you can move out? I have over a year to get ready, but I'm not certain what "ready" means exactly. What needs to happen before a person can live on their own (in the USA)? Thanks for answering, love your blog!
I’m realizing now that I have lots of posts that detail different parts of this moving into a new apartment process, but none that discuss everything. So this post is essentially a conglomerate of four different posts: Adulting 108, Moving (On Your Own), Living On Your Own, and Apartment Hunting 101.
But here they are, in step by step order! Enjoy!
Finding an Apartment (Apartment Hunting 101)
Overview: There’s no getting around it, apartment hunting is a stressful process. The waiting and wondering gets the best of everyone, so give yourself a break and remember not to be too hard on yourself. The more prepared and decisive you are, the better off you’ll be!
1. Step One: The most important step in this entire process is coming up with your list of “Need and Won’t”. This list can always be adjusted in the spur of the moment, but will act as a baseline to help you easily disregard impractical apartments. Before you even start your search, sit down with any roommates (SO or otherwise) and come up with a list. Here is my list:
Need: Dishwasher, pet friendly, heat included.
Won’t: First floor apartment, all or mostly carpeted apartment, no closet space.
2. Step Two: Decide your price range. The paycheck to paycheck life is not a great one to live, so try to find an apartment that still allows you to put anywhere from $100-$500 into savings every month. Figure out how much you make monthly, with taxes taken out. If you’re paid every other week, this is two paychecks. If you’re paid every week, this is four paychecks. Start with your total monthly income, and subtract the following expenses. Let’s say you make $1,000 with taxes taken out:
Rent - Let’s say you’re living with a roommate, and your rent is only $500 per month.
Electric - My electric expense is $60 a month for a one bedroom. Once again, you’re living with a roommate so let’s say that you pay half of that. $30.
Internet - $30 a month internet only. Please don’t waste your money on cable. Just use your mom’s Netflix account.
Travel expenses - I spend about $85 a month on gas. Let’s say you use public transportation and spend around $100.
Food - Figure you’ll be spending $100 per person each month. So that’s another $100.
Misc expense: Let’s just add an additional $50 worth of expenses on. Because you never know what’ll happen.
That leaves you $130 a month extra to put in savings or to use in the event of an emergency! That’s awesome. Substitute your own numbers in, and figure out how much you can afford for rent. Immediately disregard any apartments that do not fit in this budget.
3. Step Three: The best way to find dependable apartments is to consult with your fellow apartment renters. Consult with coworkers, friends, family- anyone who is currently renting in the area that you would like to rent in. Get the inside scoop on potential apartments, both their advantages and their pitfalls. If you don’t know anyone who is renting where you’d like to rent, here are some other apartment hunting options:
Craigslist: Obviously
Drive-bys: Literally drive around until you find a cool looking apartment complex. Find their rental office and go right in, this is how I found my first apartment.
Your college: The Dean’s Office will have a list of apartment offerings to give kids who don’t qualify for on-campus housing.
This Site: A list of the top ranked apartment hunting sites.
4. Set up an appointment: After finding a potential apartment, consult with the landlord or apartment representative to set up a date and time to see the apartment. Respond promptly to any email or phone call they leave for you. On the flip side, if they aren’t prompt in their response to you RUN.
The first apartment I ever looked at, my boyfriend and I showed up on time and the landlord wasn’t there. We called her and she said that she was running late, and told us that the apartment was open and we could show ourselves inside. Serious red flag, but we gave it the benefit of the doubt and went in. Long story short, she never showed up. She gave us a tour of the apartment over the phone and kept saying that she was five minutes away, but never came. We later found out that her rental office was two minutes from the apartment we looked at. Talk about flakey! We told her we weren’t interested, if she can’t even show up to show us the apartment, how the hell can we depend on her to fix any problems we might have? Because you’re young and inexperienced, some landlords will try to give you the run around. Your age is no concern of their’s, and has no bearing on how you will act as a tenant. Here are some red flags for flaky landlords:
Not contacting you within one day of leaving them a message. Disregarding the weekends.
Not showing up when they say they will.
Repeatedly telling you that you’re “young” or “inexperienced”.
Telling you that the apartment “is good for college kids” or “a good first apartment” (that just means it’s a shit hole).
If they tell you that the apartment has a large turnover (people are leaving for a reason).
If you speak with one person on the phone, and meet a different person who shows you the apartment.
If they can’t or refuse to give you the exact rent amount.
If they tell you that have to “run some numbers” based on your history. An apartment’s rent should be the same for everybody.
If they can’t answer basic questions about service providers for the apartment.
If you get a weird vibe from them. Listen to your intuition! This is the person who is going to be responsible for fixing all your apartment related problems, you will be dealing with them every month at least. If they seem unreliable, don’t sign the lease!
5. Step Five: Find your appointment buddy! Never, ever, EVER go to look at a potential apartment by yourself. I don’t care how friendly Wendy seems online, she may be a serial killer. There’s no way to tell. Here’s a list of people who can accompany you:
Your older brother
Your boyfriend/girlfriend
Your Aunt Meredith
Your second cousin
Your friend who can scream really loudly
Your Mother
Your Step Mother
Your old nosey neighbor who smells like cats
Literally anyone you can trust
Bribe them with chocolate, I don’t care. Take someone with you! If you absolutely cannot find anyone to go with you, then you need to take additional precautions. Here are some options:
Kitestring
“Share My Location” on your Iphone
Pepper Spray
Posting to Facebook the address you are going to and when you are expected to arrive and leave.
Rescheduling your appointment to a date and time when you can be accompanied
Apartment Checklist
A mental checklist is good in theory, but will you remember it when you’re actually at the prospective apartment with your Aunt Meredith? I think not! Make a physical list of some of the following points, and feel free to add your own. my list is super extensive, but that’s just who I am. I am detail oriented.
Tuck this list in your back pocket and consult it when the person showing you the apartment is not looking.
Expense related
How much is the rent?
Is the rent just the rent, or are there any amenities included? Some apartments include heat, hot water, or electric expenses.
Is hot water included (if the apartment has a washer/dryer in it, then the water is probably a separate expense)?
What Internet service providers are available?
What electric service providers are available?
Do I have to pay for garbage removal?
What is the average electric expense that other renters deal with?
Ask when rent is due. Find out what the rent check procedure is.
Basic
What type of heating/cooling is provided?
What appliances are in the kitchen? *If there is no oven or fridge and you are required to buy your own then run*
What is the apartment complex turnover rate?
Do you have a choice of carpet vs. hard wood floors?
Will window blinds be provided? *If the apartment complex won’t pay for something as simple as window blinds then the landlord is a cheapskate and can’t be trusted*
Is there a “curfew”? Most apartments have a time of night when all the tenants are supposed to be quiet. This is generally not enforced.
What will your address be?
Additional
Is any furniture included?
Is there a Laundromat in the complex? If not where is the closest one?
Similarly, is the Laundromat in the complex card operated or quarter operated? Do you have to pay a fee for the card? Is there a quarter dispensing machine?
Will you be given a free parking permit? *If parking is not free then run*
Ask about local shopping and gas stations.
Ask where your mailbox will be.
Ask what their pet policy is. (some apartment complexes charge an fee)
Ask what their policy on repainting/decorating is.
Ask what their maintenance request policy is.
Ask where the nearest dumpster is.
How often does the complex loose power?
Is there a nearby police station or fire department?
General check
Check all cabinets (for bug infestations or mouse droppings or that they open properly).
Open all the windows and check to see that there are screens installed. Especially important for us cat owners! If there are no screens- are they going to install screens before you move in?
Check that all the light switches work.
Check that the water turns on.
Flush the toilet.
Check all the closet space (for size, mold, and water damage).
Check how all the doors are set (some apartments will put doors in incorrectly and they’ll never close properly).
Check the outlets (bring a phone chord and plug it in).
Check any balcony access.
Take a look at the paint- is it chipped? Is it stained? Will they be repainting?
Knock on the walls to see how hollow they are (hollow walls require studs if you want to hang anything up).
Open up the oven and make sure it’s clean. If it’s not clean make it clear that it should be cleaned if you want to move into the apartment. It’s not your job to clean up after the previous tenant.
Check that none of the floorboards are sticking up/creaking.
Check for nails and screws in between hardwood floor, tile and carpet (I’m not even kidding).
Check your phone to see how much cell service you have.
Can you hear any neighbors? Could you hear them in the hallway?
Final Decision
If the apartment you visited fits all your criteria, feel free to tell the landlord that you’re interested in pursuing this apartment. This way they can advise you of the next steps. Before you sign ANYTHING, visit the apartment complex twice more to make sure that everything is kosher. Do NOT tell the landlord that you will be coming by.
During the day: Do a drive-by of your prospective apartment to see what it looks like during the day. Is it safe? Are there lots of people standing around outside? Is it loud?
During the night: Come back another night to check the safety of your apartment. Ask yourself- would I feel comfortable taking the trash out late at night? Having friends over? If the answer is “no” then run…
Applying to Rent the Apartment
Overview: After choosing an apartment that you like, there are lots of steps that need to be taken before you can actually move in.
1. Rental application. You will need to fill out some sort of rental application when applying for an apartment. You’ll be asked for previous addresses (if you’ve lived in previous apartment complexes landlords will actually call and ask about how good of a tenant you were), if you’ve been convicted of a crime, pay stubs, references and/or credit information. If you don’t have a credit score, some complexes will require you to co-sign the lease with someone who does, like a parent. If a landlord does NOT ask you to fill out any kind of application, I’d advise you to run for the hills and not rent from them.
2. Approval. Apartment complexes will mail you a packet of information after you’ve been approved. This will list your new address, what power company services are available, apartment amenities, school districts, local attractions, as well as your next steps. My current apartment complex also mailed me what Internet providers are available, which was a nice extra bonus.
3. Initial expenses. Your next step will be to put down a “security deposit”. This will either be exactly the same or very close to the amount you pay for rent monthly. This deposit ensures that you don’t destroy the apartment, if you do they won’t refund you. You will also be asked to pay your first month’s rent in advance. Most rental companies will only accept money orders for these initial expenses, you have to go to your bank to get these. They’re essentially checks that take the money out of your account right away.
4. Apartment check. After you’re approved for an apartment, ask to see the actual unit that you’ll be moving into. Make sure that you see said apartment before signing any lease. Notice how loud your neighbors are, how good of a cell signal you have, the condition of the apartment, etc. This is a pretty extensive list.
Before You Move
1. List it up. Make a list of everything that you will need to accomplish before you are ready to move. This includes items that need to be packed, people that need to be contacted, pet accommodations, etc. I love lists, but you may not, so use any organizational technique that works for you.
2. Divide and conquer. After you’ve made your list, organize items based off of how much time they’ll take you. Packing will be fairly time-consuming, so this is something you’ll want to invite friends over for and break up over several days. I like to have “moving” parties whenever I’m getting ready to move, essentially I buy some chips and dip, play some Trap, and invite my friends over to act as my minions. Something like canceling your subscription to Cosmo will take you very little time and energy to do, so it’s something you can do when you’re ready for a stress-free activity.
3. Contact companies. Speaking of canceling your Cosmo subscription, you will need to update your address with all of the companies you use. If you’re no longer going to be using that company, you’ll need to call them and tell them when to end your service. If you’re going to continue to using that company, you’ll have to call them and tell that you’ll need an address change. Give them the exact date you’ll be moving so that they can backdate your information. Some examples of companies:
DMV in the county you’re moving to (if you’re going to drive)
Your doctor’s office
Your college (even if you graduated, they send out alumni letters all the time)
Your credit/debit card company
Your bank
Your phone company
Any government programs you’re a part of
Any companies that you have loans with
Your health insurance company
Your auto insurance company
Amazon
4. Pre-move in List. Make a shopping list of all the non-perishable items you will need before moving in. I’m talking trash cans, first aid kits, toilet paper, laundry detergent, etc. I like to work on this list over the span of several days, and do a large shop before moving in. Your moving day will be stressful enough as it is, don’t add the stress of missing something you need. Here’s a pretty good list.
5. Electric set-up. Use the information packed your landlord sent you to find out who your electricity provider is. Call them, you’ll probably get a pre-recorded message. Choose the option that says something along the lines of “set up electricity”. You will be connected to an actual human being, who will ask you to read your new address. Tell them to turn on power to your apartment a couple days before you move in. They will set up a billing plan with you (ask to be put on a budget, it’ll save you lots of money) and give you your account information.
6. Internet set-up. Setting up your internet is similar to setting up your electric, but a bit more hand’s on. Most cable/internet companies always have some sort of deal going on, a year or two years of discounted service. Be aware of when this discount will end, and contact the company to see if they can offer you a new deal. If Verizon is offered in your area, I strongly advise you to use them for Internet service. i was on a two year plan with them that saved us $40 a month on internet service, and after it ended they put us on a new plan that is now saving us $42 a month. Fuck yeah! Also make sure to set your internet installation date for the day after you move in, so that you’re not stuck sitting in your internet-less apartment, unable to read my blog. Know that most internet companies charge installation and routers fees, and if you complain enough they’ll drop one or both of these. Just be like “I’m a poor college student” or threaten to go to another internet company.
7. Send ahead. If possible, send/drop off some of your items ahead of time. If you have a family member or a friend that lives nearby where you’ll be staying, ask if they can hold a few boxes for you. You can also mail yourself packages and ask your local post office to hold them for you, but you’ll need to arrange that ahead of time.
8. Forwarding address. You will inevitably forget something, so make sure to leave your forwarding address and contact information with your ex-landlord, college, ex-roommate, etc.
9. Signing the Lease. The last thing you will do before moving into your new apartment is signing a lease. You will be given a copy of the lease to keep, as well as the key to your apartment and/or laundry key. Keep your copy of the lease in a safe place, and make sure to get duplicates of your apartment keys.
During Moving
1. Take your time. Don’t try to unpack everything in one day! Take some time to explore your new space, and decide where to put everything in a leisurely way. There is no set schedule for moving.
2. Assistance. If you have friends/family helping you make the move, assign them specific tasks so that nobody spends their time pestering you and asking “what do you need help with?”. You can even decide these tasks ahead of time, during your plane or car ride over.
3. Be neighborly. You’ll likely meet some neighbors during this process, and make sure to stop and greet them, even if you’re in the middle of something. First impressions do matter, even when they shouldn’t, and spending thirty seconds to greet someone in a parking lot may save you a lot of hardship in the long run. Ask your neighbors to recommend local attractions, places to eat, what laundromats to use, etc.
4. Check everything. During your first few days moved into you new apartment, look around and make note of anything wrong. Outlets that don’t work, scratches on the wall, peeling paint, etc. Report these ASAP to your landlord to be fixed. This will give you a good idea of how put together their maintenance unit is. Make sure to offer maintenance workers water and be polite to them when they’re fixing anything in your apartment.
After You’re Settled (Specifically for Living Alone)
1. PKW. Phone, keys, wallet. Every time you go anywhere. Check twice. The worst part of living on your own is having to rely on yourself to never forget to lock yourself out or leave your wallet at a sandwich shop in a mall. Make absolutely sure you have duplicates of your keys (I would get a couple made) and give one to a friend who lives nearby who you can count on. I also like to keep an extra set inside the apartment itself in a secure place, just in case. Your landlord can let you in during office hours, but giving a key to a trustworthy friend helps you 24/7.
2. Cleaning routine. You don’t have to sit down at a writing desk and draft this out, but spend a few minutes coming up with a basic cleaning regime for you to follow. It’s definitely easier to do a little each day, but if that doesn’t work for your schedule set aside at least an hour and a half during your time off to get your apartment spotless. I don’t know about you, but whenever I deep clean my apartment I feel like I’m living in a hotel for a day, and I absolutely love it.
3. Make a “moving” shopping list. This is everything you will need (minus food) for your first week at your new place. Do a big shop, and get all the essentials out of the way: first aid kit, cleaning supplies, tape, cat food, etc. Your first week moving into your new place will be stressful enough, you don’t want to be halfway through setting up your living room and realize that you forgot to buy trash bags.
4. Secure yourself. I’m not the most agile or fast person in the world, and I do live in a mid-sized city that has a good deal of crime. The apartment complex I live in is very safe, but I still like to double lock my front door at night. It might be smart to keep some pepper spray or a baseball bat somewhere in your apartment, just in case.
5. Stay social. Even the most anti-social person gets lonely. Make sure to hang out with your friends, not just your co-workers, your actual friends. Get out off your apartment every few days and go see a movie, get a cup of coffee, go people watching at the park, etc. It’s easy to get depressed if you’re living alone and doing the same things the same way every day- allow yourself to mix it up.
6. Meal prep. It can be stressful and seem useless to cook complicated or “fancy” meals when you’re living on your own. Plan your meals for the week and make a list before going shopping. Get yourself enough food to make a variety of dinners that will only take you fifteen minutes. If you do want to go crazy and make steak and mashed potatoes for yourself, make enough for two meals. Also, nobody is going to think poorly of you for stocking your fridge with a couple frozen dinners.
7. Customer service. Living alone means that you are going to be doing a lot of talking to customer service representatives. Get comfortable talking to people over the phone. Tell the rep what you need as quickly as you can, and try to be polite because customer service at a phone center is a garbage job that doesn’t pay well. On the flip side, don’t be afraid to ask for a manager if you’re upset or unhappy with your service. Take their survey at the end of your phone call, tell them how unhappy you are. It’s someone’s shitty job to look at all those surveys, no complaint goes unheard. Companies with great phone service: Verizon, Apple, Amazon. Companies with awful phone service: USPS (literally the worst), electric companies, health insurance companies.
8. Guest space. This is not required, but it’s a good idea to have some sort of space for a friend to stay the night. A friend of mine had a bad breakup, showed up at my apartment with ten minute’s notice, and then fell asleep on my couch after an hour of crying. It as 7:30! Whatever, she needed it. Keep an extra blanket and pillow in your closet, I like to keep travel sized shampoos and conditioners in my bathroom cabinet on the off chance a guest wants to use my shower. I got these at a hotel for free, but they’re available at CVS and other pharmacies.
9. Toilet paper. Don’t let yourself run out of toilet paper! I like to buy more when I notice I only have one roll left. The same deal goes for paper towels.
10. Enjoy. Living on your own is simoltaneously exciting and exhausting, but an all around must-have experience. Enjoy the freedom to forget to make the bed, to decorate your bathroom however you want, to have ice cream for dinner, to watch reruns of Friends and cry when Rachel decides to move to France. Make sure to give yourself lots of space to move at your own pace, but please remember to eat three meals a day and to go to the doctor’s for a checkup at least once a year!
7 QUESTIONS YOU SHOULD ASK AT THE END OF EVERY JOB INTERVIEW.
Click here to find out why these questions help you.
Tumblr staff is taking no-nut november way too seriously
MASTERPOST OF ALL THE HOE TIPS/GLO UP TIPS YOU’LL EVER NEED ✨
1. How to be a bad b!tch
2. Skincare/beauty tips from twitter user @ambitionVEVO
3. Hoe products to try out
4. Random hoe tips pt.1
5. Random hoe tips pt.2
6, How to look expensive on a budget
7. Even more ways to look expensive for cheap courtesy of the queen Amber Scholl
8. A hoe’s guide to flirting
9. How to make your skin glow
10. Real life hoe tips
11. Hoe wisdom - MANIPULATION
12. How to hoe when you’re not a hoe
13. SELF LOVE
14. How to have the softest skin + hoe bath & body care routine
15. Tips for treating yourself
16. Self-improvement masterpost
17. Treating body acne
18. Super silky summer legs!
19. 25 common makeup mistakes courtesy of @ImTheBombDotCom on twitter
20. The Bad B!tch Mentality
21. The Bad B!tch Mentality pt.2
22. How to get rid of dark spots : underarms, neck, inner thighs (read description)
23. Hygiene/beauty masterpost
THAT’S ABOUT IT FOR NOW BBYS, DON’T FORGET TO FOLLOW ME FOR MORE AND HMU ON HERE OR @bitchynextdoor IF Y'ALL HAVE ANY QUESTIONS♡
hoe tips: how to give a fire blowjob 🔥🍆
-i recommend going in with little makeup or no makeup bc your face WILL get wet and messy super quick. if you do plan on wearing makeup, make sure you set that shit with powder puff, and press that shit into your skin HARD and use a setting spray. also wear a super waterproof mascara, bc your eyes will water, and have tissues nearby for after so you can wipe your face. also, try not to eat at least 2-3 hours before so you don’t accidentally throw up. also if you don’t know this person well or don’t know their status use a damn condom.
-tease your partner. start with lots of kissing (or a massage 😋 look here) while rubbing their dick through their pants. go slowly. dirty talk is good here too. tease them for a while, let the anticipation build up.
-sucking their dick while they’re lying down with your back arched and your ass in the air is super sexy, or you can try being on your knees if your partner is more of the dominant type. when you finally pull their dick out, start off with a simple handjob. then, graze their dick with your mouth, and start long licks from their balls to the tip of their dick.
-dry head is unpleasureable. use LOTS of spit. put their dick to the back of your throat. your gag reflex will kick in and you will gag on their dick, causing you to produce lots of spit. the sound of you gagging will turn them on also.
-start sucking their dick,by using your hands and your mouth. start by gripping (not super tightly,just firm) the base of their dick in your hand(s), then wrap your mouth around the rest, so your lips meet your fist. then move your hands and your mouth up and down in a rhythmic motion while sucking. use more suction going up then going down. do NOT use your teeth.
-now i know we all want to be cute, but you can’t be cute when sucking dick,sorry. be sloppy as hell. lose your inhibition. go all out.
-sound effects can really help. loud sucking + slurping + gagging + moaning = them nutting faster
-eye contact is important. looking up at them while you suck their dick will make them go crazy.
-don’t forget about their balls either! lightly massage,lick and suck on them as well. don’t do it too hard though, it can be uncomfortable.
-if your mouth gets tired,you can go back to giving them a hand job, or if you’re well endowed in the breast area, you can put their dick between your breasts and titty fuck them. dirty talk is good too. either way be sure to give your mouth a break so you don’t tire yourself out too quickly.
-if you wanna be an extra bitch & deepthroat, use throat numbing spray. you can find it online or in drugstores by the medicine & shit. spray it in the back of your throat beforehand.
-when they nut, you have a few options. swallowing is ideal but if you’re a freaky bitch you can take it to the face or titties. only do this if you know this person is STD free, otherwise just let them cum in the condom.
How to give amazing blow jobs by Blakley Jules
21 tips and tricks to make ur guy crave you, you’re welcome ;)
1. kiss his neck then continue all the way down his body (stomach) till you reach the dick
2. when you get to the penis, take your tongue out and lick from the top (tip) all the way down to the bottom (by the balls), then back up, then put it in your mouth
3. put one hand around the part of his dick that doesn’t comfortably fit in your mouth and use that to help support the bj
4. make sure your tongue is working hard core. remember, the tongue is a muscle so use that mofo
5. don’t get confused by the name “blow” job. you should be sucking. not too hard, not too softly.
6. take your tongue and move it up and press it directly on the tip of the head(very top). Yeah sounds nasty but they’ll die of happiness
7. or take your tongue and circle it around the head, they love that too
8. side note here’s a tip to make it easier to deep throat: hold down your left thumb all the way into your palm, it somehow helps to stop your gag reflex
9. if you place your pointer finger and thumb (use the hand you’re using to help the bj) around your lips like you’re outlining your lips, itll feel like you’re going deeper than you actually are.
10. when you’re ready for your jaw to take a break try this: take both hands and put them stacked around his penis, then gently, key word GENTLY, twist in opposite directions.
11. this sounds weird, but pretend you’re loving it as much as he is. this will make him more turned on, moan while his thingy is in your mouth, the vibrations of the moans will add some good feelings too
12. body temps rise during hookups, so suck a piece of ice before giving him a bj, or even take a cold sip of water in the middle of the process. hell thank you later
13. gross but awesome for guys: gently massage their balls, but be VERY FUCKING CAREFUL because they are sensitive beyong beleif
14. make sure it’s wet, lots of saliva or lube, whatever you prefer
15. occasionally go super deep, as deep as you can go, then go back into the normal flow of how you were blowing him before
16. big fyi: alcohol causes your throat to tighten making it harder to deep throat or even give a bj at all
17. majority of guys like pain while being stimulated so if he’s down for that, dig your nails into his chest or back, or nibble the bottom of his tummy. but test out the waters slowly and make sure hes cool with it
18. don’t hide away under covers, he prolly wants to watch the action ;)
19. when he starts to “finish” go slowly again
20. try this to drive them fucking insane: when you feel them about to finish, stop blowing him and slightly squeeze his dick at the bottom with your hand, then wait a second, then continue.
21. and lastly, try some cool positions: both laying on sides, can also 69 like this or have him on his knees kinda on top of you so he can help move up and down to how he likes it
hope these tips helped at least a little, remember to reblog and give me creds :)
posted by ivegotsomebadintentionss
ya’ll for real though, if you don’t own a bathtub and wanna do those “soak in apple cider vinegar” things, get a spray bottle (dollarstore sells ‘em) and put 2/1 ratio of water and vinegar and sit in your shower, lean foreword and let the spray hit your back, and spritz your cooch with the mist and let it soak it in a while before you rinse it
Right now, I’m sifting through 50+ applications for a new entry-level position. Here’s some advice from the person who will actually be looking at your CV/resume and cover letter:
‘You must include a cover letter’ does not mean ‘write a single line about why you want this position’. If you can’t be bothered to write at least one actual paragraphs about why you want this job, I can’t be bothered to read your CV.
Don’t bother including a list of your interests if all you can think of is ‘socialising with friends’ and ‘listening to music’. Everyone likes those things. Unless you can explain why the stuff you do enriches you as a person and a candidate (e.g. playing an instrument or a sport shows dedication and discipline) then I honestly don’t care how you spend your time. I won’t be looking at your CV thinking ‘huh, they haven’t included their interests, they must have none’, I’m just looking for what you have included.
Even if you apply online, I can see the filename you used for your CV. Filenames that don’t include YOUR name are annoying. Filenames like ‘CV - media’ tell me that you’ve got several CVs you send off depending on the kind of job advertised and that you probably didn’t tailor it for this position. ‘[Full name] CV’ is best.
USE. A. PDF. All the meta information, including how long you worked on it, when you created it, times, etc, is right there in a Word doc. PDFs are far more professional looking and clean and mean that I can’t make any (unconscious or not) decisions about you based on information about the file.
I don’t care what the duties in your previous unrelated jobs were unless you can tell me why they’re useful to this job. If you worked in a shop, and you’re applying for an office job which involves talking to lots of people, don’t give me a list of stuff you did, write a sentence about how much you enjoyed working in a team to help everyone you interacted with and did your best to make them leave the shop with a smile. I want to know what makes you happy in a job, because I want you to be happy within the job I’m advertising.
Does the application pack say who you’ll be reporting to? Can you find their name on the company website? Address your application to them. It’s super easy and shows that you give enough of a shit to google something. 95% of people don’t do this.
Tell me who you are. Tell me what makes you want to get up in the morning and go to work and feel fulfilled. Tell me what you’re looking for, not just what you think I’m looking for.
I will skim your CV. If you have a bunch of bullet points, make every one of them count. Make the first one the best one. If it’s not interesting to you, it’s probably not interesting to me. I’m overworked and tired. Make my job easy.
“I work well in a team or individually” okay cool, you and everyone else. If the job means you’ll be part of a big team, talk about how much you love teamwork and how collaborating with people is the best way to solve problems. If the job requires lots of independence, talk about how you are great at taking direction and running with it, and how you have the confidence to follow your own ideas and seek out the insight of others when necessary. I am profoundly uninterested in cookie-cutter statements. I want to know how you actually work, not how a teacher once told you you should work.
For an entry-level role, tell me how you’re looking forward to growing and developing and learning as much as you can. I will hire genuine enthusiasm and drive over cherry-picked skills any day. You can teach someone to use Excel, but you can’t teach someone to give a shit. It makes a real difference.
This is my advice for small, independent orgs like charities, etc. We usually don’t go through agencies, and the person reading through the applications is usually the person who will manage you, so it helps if you can give them a real sense of who you are and how you’ll grab hold of that entry level position and give it all you’ve got. This stuff might not apply to big companies with actual HR departments - it’s up to you to figure out the culture and what they’re looking for and mirror it. Do they use buzzwords? Use the same buzzwords! Do they write in a friendly, informal way? Do the same! And remember, 95% of job hunting (beyond who you know and flat-out nepotism, ugh) is luck. If you keep getting rejected, it’s not because you suck. You might just need a different approach, or it might just take the right pair of eyes landing on your CV.
And if you get rejected, it’s worthwhile asking why. You’ve already been rejected, the worst has already happened, there’s really nothing bad that can come out of you asking them for some constructive feedback (politely, informally, “if it isn’t too much trouble”). Pretty much all of us have been hopeless jobseekers at one point or another. We know it’s shitty and hard and soul-crushing. Friendliness goes a long way. Even if it’s just one line like “your cover letter wasn’t inspiring" at least you know where to start.
And seriously, if you have any friends that do any kind of hiring or have any involvement with that side of things, ask them to look at your CV with a big red pen and brutal honesty. I do this all the time, and the most important thing I do is making it so their CV doesn’t read exactly like that of every other person who took the same ‘how-to-get-a-job’ class in school. If your CV has a paragraph that starts with something like ‘I am a highly motivated and punctual individual who–’ then oh my god I AM ALREADY ASLEEP.
💕A Glow Up Challenge💕
Day 1: Start reducing screen time at least an hour before you go to sleep. Read a book, do some drawing, take a bath, etc. You’ll sleep like a baby.
Day 2: Start moisturizing your face with SPF twice a day.
Day 3: Start using mouthwash BEFORE brushing your teeth; it helps get bacteria and other microbes off of your teeth more efficiently for a stronger clean👄
Day 4: Take 5 minutes to stretch right after waking up.
Day 5: Start drinking a glass of cold water before you eat breakfast to kickstart your metabolism.
Day 6: Start applying Vitamin E oil to your stretch marks right after you shower daily for smooth flawless skin.
Day 7: Start doing a mini 5 minute work out before your shower: squats, pushups, planks, whatever you like doing.
Day 8: Take a day off from social media to actually enjoy your surroundings🌅🌄
Day 9: Take an epsom salt bath for an overall detox (you can find bags of epsom salt at your local pharmacy).
Day 10: Start the day with a healthy breakfast. Scrambled eggs, a bowl of fruit, some whole grain toast, etc
Day 11: Switch from coffee to tea for a healthier caffeine fix☕
Day 12: Take a break from makeup today. Let ya skin breathe.
Day 13: Start applying SPF to your hands daily👐
Day 14: Go meatless for the day. You’ll really feel the difference in your body/energy throughout the day.
Day 15: Do a face mask today, whether it be a homemade one or that one with the pretty packaging that you always want to do but the time never felt right. Yeah, that one!!
Day 16: Create a “getting ready” playlist, put songs for the mood you want to be in, instead of the mood you are in🎶
Day 17: Four words: SEA SALT SCRUB DOWN. Mix some olive oil and sea salt and you got yourself a bomb ass body scrub.
Day 18: Declutter something today, having a more organized environment will help improve your mood.
Day 19: Go commando for today! You gotta let her get some air.
Day 20: Exercise, it doesn’t have to be intense at all. Go for a walk with your dog, for a jog, even a dance session in your room with your fave playlist🏃
Day 21: Clean your sheets today, especially your pillow case!!! There is all kinds of shit that could be on there rn, you should be doing this every 1-2 weeks.
Day 22: Wake up 2 hours earlier (okay.. 1 hour) Use this time to make your day less stressful.
Day 23: Spend your spare time reading or studying today📚
Day 24: Eat some chocolate; yes seriously. Dark chocolate is ideal but any will do. It’s great for your metabolism and your mood!
Day 25: Try something different with your hair today. Doesn’t matter if it’s just a new style or maybe something big like a new color, or cut. Even parting your hair a different way can transform your whole look💇
Day 26: Beat ya face, dress up real cute and take a bunch of selfies.
Day 27: Start flossing after every meal to avoid plaque building up on your teeth so you can strengthen and protect those pearly whites😀
Day 28: Delete old contacts of people you don’t fw anymore, and unfollow any people you don’t fw on social media. Cutting off dead ends clears your skin✨
Day 29: Splurge on some cute ass lingerie that makes you feel like a queen, whether it be for yourself, your mans, or ya lady. Having sexy lingerie on as you go about your day can boost your confidence for sure
Day 30: Apply a sugar scrub to your lips once or twice a week and moisturize them daily to keep your lips nice and luscious😘
Right now, I’m sifting through 50+ applications for a new entry-level position. Here’s some advice from the person who will actually be looking at your CV/resume and cover letter:
‘You must include a cover letter’ does not mean ‘write a single line about why you want this position’. If you can’t be bothered to write at least one actual paragraphs about why you want this job, I can’t be bothered to read your CV.
Don’t bother including a list of your interests if all you can think of is ‘socialising with friends’ and ‘listening to music’. Everyone likes those things. Unless you can explain why the stuff you do enriches you as a person and a candidate (e.g. playing an instrument or a sport shows dedication and discipline) then I honestly don’t care how you spend your time. I won’t be looking at your CV thinking ‘huh, they haven’t included their interests, they must have none’, I’m just looking for what you have included.
Even if you apply online, I can see the filename you used for your CV. Filenames that don’t include YOUR name are annoying. Filenames like ‘CV - media’ tell me that you’ve got several CVs you send off depending on the kind of job advertised and that you probably didn’t tailor it for this position. ‘[Full name] CV’ is best.
USE. A. PDF. All the meta information, including how long you worked on it, when you created it, times, etc, is right there in a Word doc. PDFs are far more professional looking and clean and mean that I can’t make any (unconscious or not) decisions about you based on information about the file.
I don’t care what the duties in your previous unrelated jobs were unless you can tell me why they’re useful to this job. If you worked in a shop, and you’re applying for an office job which involves talking to lots of people, don’t give me a list of stuff you did, write a sentence about how much you enjoyed working in a team to help everyone you interacted with and did your best to make them leave the shop with a smile. I want to know what makes you happy in a job, because I want you to be happy within the job I’m advertising.
Does the application pack say who you’ll be reporting to? Can you find their name on the company website? Address your application to them. It’s super easy and shows that you give enough of a shit to google something. 95% of people don’t do this.
Tell me who you are. Tell me what makes you want to get up in the morning and go to work and feel fulfilled. Tell me what you’re looking for, not just what you think I’m looking for.
I will skim your CV. If you have a bunch of bullet points, make every one of them count. Make the first one the best one. If it’s not interesting to you, it’s probably not interesting to me. I’m overworked and tired. Make my job easy.
“I work well in a team or individually” okay cool, you and everyone else. If the job means you’ll be part of a big team, talk about how much you love teamwork and how collaborating with people is the best way to solve problems. If the job requires lots of independence, talk about how you are great at taking direction and running with it, and how you have the confidence to follow your own ideas and seek out the insight of others when necessary. I am profoundly uninterested in cookie-cutter statements. I want to know how you actually work, not how a teacher once told you you should work.
For an entry-level role, tell me how you’re looking forward to growing and developing and learning as much as you can. I will hire genuine enthusiasm and drive over cherry-picked skills any day. You can teach someone to use Excel, but you can’t teach someone to give a shit. It makes a real difference.
This is my advice for small, independent orgs like charities, etc. We usually don’t go through agencies, and the person reading through the applications is usually the person who will manage you, so it helps if you can give them a real sense of who you are and how you’ll grab hold of that entry level position and give it all you’ve got. This stuff might not apply to big companies with actual HR departments - it’s up to you to figure out the culture and what they’re looking for and mirror it. Do they use buzzwords? Use the same buzzwords! Do they write in a friendly, informal way? Do the same! And remember, 95% of job hunting (beyond who you know and flat-out nepotism, ugh) is luck. If you keep getting rejected, it’s not because you suck. You might just need a different approach, or it might just take the right pair of eyes landing on your CV.
And if you get rejected, it’s worthwhile asking why. You’ve already been rejected, the worst has already happened, there’s really nothing bad that can come out of you asking them for some constructive feedback (politely, informally, “if it isn’t too much trouble”). Pretty much all of us have been hopeless jobseekers at one point or another. We know it’s shitty and hard and soul-crushing. Friendliness goes a long way. Even if it’s just one line like “your cover letter wasn’t inspiring" at least you know where to start.
And seriously, if you have any friends that do any kind of hiring or have any involvement with that side of things, ask them to look at your CV with a big red pen and brutal honesty. I do this all the time, and the most important thing I do is making it so their CV doesn’t read exactly like that of every other person who took the same ‘how-to-get-a-job’ class in school. If your CV has a paragraph that starts with something like ‘I am a highly motivated and punctual individual who–’ then oh my god I AM ALREADY ASLEEP.
How to Feign Your Life is Together
Have a signature accessory, clothing article, make up look, or hair style.
Have a fragrance. Make your hair scents and lotions match your perfume.
It’s okay to dine alone. Bring a book or people watch.
Love your hair. Research the best brands for your hair type and use masks weekly.
Your nails don’t need to be fancy, but keep them maintained.
Stay worldly. Know works of art, artists, designers, films, books, politicians. Spend your lunch break reading the paper or a magazine.
Crying is not a weapon. It’s okay to feel your emotions, but never use them as an excuse to avoid your problems.
Jealousy is boring. Love and appreciate others. If you can’t love them, forget them.
Boost others. Flatter others, but don’t deprecate yourself in the process.
Don’t sulk. Don’t let the whole world know your problems. If you don’t want someone to give their opinion, don’t share your situation.
Your life is between you and the universe. Don’t post your personal matters for others to see.
Don’t emotionally blackmail others. They hurt you? Let them know and then move on. It’s between the two of you and not the world.
Cook dinner. Cook dinner and listen to music, the radio, or a podcast.
Treat yourself to candles and flowers. Be your own cheerleader.
Take naps. Take a cat nap on a Sunday afternoon with the blinds open and the fan on high.
Drink your water, eat your vegetables. Take care of your body.
Never have time to take off your jewelry before bed, but always have time to take off your makeup. Your nighttime skin regime is important.
Mystery is beautiful. You don’t need to reveal much of or about yourself.
Never appear other than as you are. Don’t lie about yourself. Embrace who you are at your core.
Random hoe tips (pt. 2)
Vitamin E can help alleviate period symptoms. It’s in avocados, almonds, broccoli, etc.
Take 1 banana and a tablespoon of honey and mix together to make a nice face mask.
Avoid wearing cotton panties before and after sex because cotton panties trap lint in the crevices of your thighs.
Take a detox bath. Mix 1 cup of ground-up oatmeal, 1 cup of epsom salts, and 2 teaspoons of lavender bud and put 2-3 spoonfuls of the mixture in your bathwater.
Shave your vag downward or diagonally.
To hide a hickey, apply green concealer all over and top with foundation and powder. Bam. Hickey-be-gone.
Avoid feminine washes such as Summer’s Eve. They’ll throw off the natural pH of your vag. Mild soap works just fine.
An amazing product is Anastasia Dipbrow Pomade. You’re welcome.
If you use hair removal creams on your vag, you’re more prone to a yeast infection.
Need a natural facial toner? Dilute 1 teaspoon of apple cider vinegar in a cup of water.
Yoni oil makes your vag extremely soft.
Foods with Vitamin B6 will help relieve bloating. It’s found in bananas, oatmeal, potatoes, etc.
Rimmel Stay Matte foundation is only $6, is great for full coverage, and feels absolutely weightless.
When you bleed onto your panties during your period, put your stained panties into a mixture of ¾ ice cold water and ¼ peroxide. Mix the liquid and give it 2-3 hours before letting your blood-free panties dry.
Vaseline cocoa butter or Johnson’s baby lotion does wonders for your legs after you shave.
Coconut oil and brown sugar make the perfect body exfoliator.
Maybelline Pumped Up Mascara is tear-proof.
Honey and white sugar make the perfect lip scrub.
If you don’t exactly know how to shave your vag: exfoliate, rub the area with baby oil to soften the hair, shave with a 4-blade razor (they do a better job shaving) and apply unscented deodorant liberally to avoid razor bumps.
Drinking cranberry juice helps prevent UTIs.
Cranberries and pineapples help improve the natural scent of your vag.
Men’s razors are cheaper than women’s razors and they also shave a lot better.
If you have sensitive skin, use witch hazel, rose water, or mud masks.
Do NOT douche. Douching can cause STIs and yeast infections.
Soak your feet in lemon juice; hot water will dry out your skin.
👅Real Life Hoe Tips👅
1. This SHOULD go without saying, but wash your vag and ass before hooking up. Use a mild unscented soap with water, or an OBGYN approved wash like Summer’s Eve (warning: products like Summer’s Eve do a great job of cleaning your pussy, but because they absorb some of your natural moisture, they may make you less wet during sex. Try washing yourself an hour or two before having sex, and use lube just in case.)
2. Do kegels (squeeze your vaginal muscles) when ya man is fucking you. It makes it tighter for him, and less likely for you to queef.
3. On queefing: it’s literally just air escaping your vagina from being fucked too fast in a certain position. Yes, it makes an embarrassing sound, but any mature man will know that its totally normal and nothing to be grossed out by. To lessen their occurence, do kegels (both during and not during sex) to strenghten vaginal muscles, arch your back more, slow down the sex pace a little, and try positions that it doesnt typically happen in (doggystyle is usually the most queef-likely position).
4. Make👏your👏blowjobs👏wet👏as👏fuck👏. Literally slobber or slowly spit on the dick while going down on him. It makes it feel better for him, and it makes it easier for you to slide it down ya throat.
5. If you can’t deepthroat: do #4 above, and suck on the head while jacking off the shaft. Drives them crazy.
6. Make eye contact while sucking dick every once in a while. I like to look him dead in the eye as I run my tongue up his shaft, from base to tip.
7. When deepthroating, swirl your tongue around the base of his shaft for extra stimualtion as you take him in and out of your mouth.
8. Never ever ever use teeth on his dick or balls unless he specifically tells you to.
9. Be careful with his balls; don’t squeeze or suck too hard. I actually dont even touch the balls unless he asks me to, every guy is different in terms of sensitivity down there.
10. Before hooking up, rub a vanilla-scented lotion on your ass cheeks, inner thighs, tits, and upper pubic mound. This’ll make your most sexual areas smell amazing, and husky smells like vanilla are proven to be more of a turn on (these smells trigger release of endorphins). Note: DO NOT PUT SCENTED LOTION ON YOUR VULVA OR ASSHOLE.
11. Eating pineapples and cranberries make your pussy taste sweeter.
12. If you shave your pussy, make sure to use a fresh blade, shave in a diagonal/horizontal direction against hair growth, and pat your pubic mound with tea tree oil after shaving for a smooth kitty.
13. Shave your asshole too: I prop my leg up against the tub/counter and go at an angle that way. There really is no perfect system to doing this unfortunately.
14. Brush your teeth or chew some gum before sex. Basic hygiene, people.
15. This is gonna sound weird as fuck, but stretch before sex. Make sure your legs are warmed up before going over to hookup, because y'all don’t even know how painful it is the next morning after having your legs being spread farther than should be physically possible.
16. Talking dirty can take your sex game farther than you’d imagine. Use little phrases like “you eat/fuck this pussy so good,” “I love this cock of yours,” “just like that,” “you feel so good inside me,” “i love how big you are,” “you’re gonna make me cum all over this dick/face,” “your cock tastes so good,” etc etc etc.
17. Things to do while fucking in missionary, moan in his ear, gently bite/lick his ear, kiss his neck, bite his collarbone, whisper “fuck” whenever he hits a good spot, run your nails up his arms/back, run your fingers through his hair, etc.
18. Don’t just lay there while he gives it to you; throw your ass back on that dick during doggystyle, rise your hips against him during missionary, meet his thrusts for a deeper fuck.
19. Keep a hairtie with you at all times if you have longer hair. Throwing your hair up makes it get in the way a lot less.
20. Don’t pressure your partner into doing something they aren’t comfortable. If you aren’t sure about whether or not they’re okay with something, literally ASK “Is this okay?” “Does this feel good?” “Do you want to _________?” “Tell me where you want me, baby.” Consent should not be a mood killer.
21. When blowing a dude, moan around his dick once in a while. The vibrations feel good for him, and letting him know you’re also having fun pleasing him can be a huge turn on.
22. Play with your clit while he’s fucking you. Not only does this provide more stimualtion for you, it makes your pussy wetter for him, and gives him a nice view.
23. Pee after sex.
24. Always always always use protection. If he doesn’t wear a condom, and you don’t have your own contraceptives, don’t fuck. You can always just go down on each other and call it a night.
25. If he fucks without protection, buy Plan B as soon as possible. The sooner you take it, the more likely it will work. It’s available in any local pharmacy, usually near the pads, tampons, and condoms. $50 is a small price to pay for avoiding an untimely pregnancy.
26. Pulling out does not mean you can’t get pregnant. Precum can have residual sperm cells left over from previous ejaculations, even hours later. While the chances of getting pregnant from precum are slim to none, use protection just in case.
27. Drawing out foreplay as long as possible can make for fantastic sex. Give him a massage, suck his dick nice and slow, tease him, strip slowly, feel each other through your clothes. Building up that tension can lead to a mind-blowing fuck.
❤That’s all for now hoes, have fun and be safe❤
Can you give some blowjob tips? I need to improve lol
Aight get ready to get ur hoe on, this is everything I know. And this is what works for me, so try it out and play around w it see what works for u and whats enjoyable for ur partner and suck his soul outta is body. Remember you can’t half-ass this shit it wont be enjoyable for you or him, you gotta dive right in like the sex god(dess) you are:
Tease him, don’t just jump right in. Make out & stroke him over his clothes, rub and squeeze a bit. Kiss his damn neck, don’t forget his nipples, they sensitive 2 (play w it, lick it - pro tip: a light touch is A+)
kiss your way down, be sensual & shit, guys love that shit; look up @ him when u do, that’s sexy as hell; get comfortable cause I know when I don’t take time to position myself my knees and hips hurt like a bitch, I like sitting/kneeling between his legs if he’s laying down or sitting. If he’s standing its not as bad
I like to stroke and pump him lightly a few times a few times while I try to gather saliva in my mouth. how you want to start is up 2 u. Licking his length or putting the tip in your mouth (i like this one). I like to switch it up tho, so go crazy. Establishing eye contact when u do this is hella erotic too. Kiss his belly (like below his belly button and above his pubic area - if u wanna kiss there thats fine too I don’t cause pubes), kiss his thighs (guys love this too)
People say roll your lips over your teeth (like an old person) so you don’t scrape his weewee but like????? that dont work with me & makes it more difficult, I don’t have much trouble with my teeth. Just keep your lips flat over your teeth (don’t pull your lips up like with a toothy smile) and you’ll be fine.
The 1st 10-15 seconds, I’m just trying to get him as wet as possible with spit (and you can use this to see how much of him you can fit in your mouth) so bounce your head a few times and suck, test how far in you can fit him, get messy and get it wet (as much as you can) guys LOVE sloppy cause it feels much better. If you have difficulty with this, try hitting the back of your throat. If you gag a little it’ll produce more saliva but back up immediately. In my experience, if I’m enjoying myself and getting into it then I produce a lot more spit. If it’s still difficult invest in some lube.
Go fuckin wild. The main thing is to suck on it obv. Bounce your head up and down, use your hand(s) to stroke what you can’t fit in your mouth. Swirl your tongue around while you suck on him. Alternate your speeds, go fast for a few seconds then slow down. And vary your sucking strength too. Sometimes you gotta suck him like its the end of the world and switch it up and do it lightly to tease him. A trick is “hollowing out your cheeks”, you’re basically pulling your cheeks in like when you make a “goldfish face” or when your contour LMAO this makes it super tight - I can’t do this for very long gotta watch out for teeth when u do this tho. It’s okay to take breaks from sucking and take him out of your mouth, just keep stroking him with your hand. And lick his length (eye contact!!)
I know some guys like to face fuck a girl, mine doesn’t really. But if he does and you’re comfortable with it then just relax your mouth and let him do the work. I tend to flex the back of my throat when ths happens or else it’ll hit my gag reflex. Remember to talk about it before hand (usually a guy will ask if he can) make sure you have a signal or something to back off because it can get overwhelming especially if he’s larger and/or doing very hard.
During strokes, squeeze a little tighter when you’re pulling towards the tip (you) than when you’re going towards him. it’s okay to use a tight grip (don’t hulk it) but I found that light teasing touches are gr8 too. Focus on the head, do small strokes on the tip, run your thumb over it. Lightly lick the tip and flick your tongue around and play w it. Take the tip into your mouth and suck on it
Don’t forget about his balls! They’re super super sensitive. When you need a break from sucking, keep stroking his shaft, and lick his balls. Try and take them in your mouth suck on em and swirl them around with your tongue (try taking both if u can u champ; if not one @ a time is good too). But you definitely have to be more careful with them because you can easily hurt him. When you’re sucking on his penis, massage his balls lightly (hella sensations)
okay my finishing move; if he hasn’t come yet that day (my partner and I go several rounds so) this will finish him right off. When you’re sucking him, try to take him as far in as you can that you’re still comfortable with and tense and flex the muscles there. A swallowing motion around his penis, while you’re sucking. This might take some practice to flex it while still sucking so it’s okay to actually swallow, it’ll just prevent you from sucking. If you moan or hum during this the vibrations will make it even better. If you can deep throat him then hell yeah hell yeah, go u (i can’t lmao)
Pay attention to his reactions. If his breathing gets erratic, his grip gets tighter, moan, or buckle his hips when you’re doing a certain move then keep doing it. Observe him and what he likes. It’s really helpful if he communicates, I know certain guys don’t though. So ask him, say “oh you like that?” “this feel good?” I like to keep it playful and joke if I know he’s enjoying it “oh you like that? want me to keep going?” etc. it’ll classify as dirty talk and help guide you to do more of what he likes.
When he’s close, focus on the tip. Usually guys will let you know (if he doesn’t, tell him beforehand to give you a warning) I always swallow, if you can: do it. It’s sexy for him, and less of a mess. Try to swallow while he’s cumming, cause in my experience if I wait and let it pool in my mouth, it’ll be unpleasant it gets messy & leaks when you remove your mouth. While he’s cumming, do light sucking motions on his head, don’t take him all the way in (I angle his penis up towards the roof of my mouth instead of the back of my throat cause if you have a gag reflex then whoa buddy ur in for a surprise. I don’t even have a sensitive one and it made me gag and tear up because ejaculation comes out at a v fast pace.)
If you can’t swallow then try to keep it in your mouth and go to the bathroom to spit it out. Try and take it like a trooper, because if you make faces of disgust it’ll make him feel bad. If you really don’t want him to, then talk about it with him beforehand and come to an agreement, maybe let him cum on you, in your hand, or something. I don’t like doing this because it is really messy, especially if he has a big load (which mine does). My guy and I have an agreement that he can cum on me if we’re in the shower cause it washes right off.
And last thing: not mandatory obviously but it’ll make your life easier. If you have long hair I recommend tying it up in a ponytail. It makes it neater, it’s gives him a good view of what you’re doing. And it’s something for him to grab onto (and pull - if you’re into that).
Have fun, do your best, remember that this takes time and it’s not something you get great at overnight (but if u do then good for u), it takes time. So go out there and make them moan and cuss under their breath with your blowjob skills.
Foods that make u taste better
Pineapple 🍍 Cranberries 🍒 Strawberries 🍓 Basically any fruit 🍉🍐🍎🍑 Water (Lots of it) 💦 100% cranberry / pineapple juice no sugar added 🍹
And foods you should avoid 🙅🏽: Meat 🐄 Eggs 🐔 Dairy 🐮 Sugar 🍦🍫🍰🍭 Beer/Wine/Alcohol/Soda 🍷🍻 Coffee ☕️ Smoking 🚬
How To Kiss
So, I had a sultry, sexy intro devised to transition into this topic, but I’m sure you saw the picture I made for this, so let’s not beat around the bush. Today, I am going to teach you three things, which I have learned through great personal hardship combined with extensive research. But first, I know you have questions. Can I be trusted? Who am I to tell you how to kiss? Do I know how to kiss? Umm. Yes. But I have made a kisser’s resume for you, right here:
has lips
has kissed a good number of boys. Not prudish. Not slutty (Not that those labels are even slightly relevant or meaningful. No thank you, patriarchy).
but seriously I’ve done some kissing in my day
the last three guys I kissed ALL TOLD ME I WAS A GOOD KISSER
numbers like that don’t lie
I rest my case. Now. Let it begin. My first topic is:
INITIATING KISSING
Okay, there are basically two ways you can do this: direct and indirect. Directly, you are the initiator of kisses. You put your mouth on his/her mouth. Indirect, you do some hair-twirling, eye-lash batting magic and make them kiss you.
DIRECT INITIATION
A big goal here is to not kiss anyone who doesn’t want to kiss you. That sounds terrible for every involved party. So. To make your intentions clear (but not like, weirdly clear) do the following:
Touch. Anything from a casual physical contact while talking, or taking their arm while walking, or holding hands is a great way to indicate interest, and to break the touch barrier and make it a smooth transition into PUTTING YOUR MOUTH ON THEIR MOUTH. Sorry. I got excited.
Get close. Lean in while talking, snuggle up when appropriate. Physical closeness is the perfect precursor to any kiss.
Optional: hand on face. I’m a fan of hand on face because it makes your intentions oh-so-clear, it helps to guide you in, and it also is just plain nice, as a kiss recipient. Other options include hand on waist, hand on shoulder, hand under chin, whichever strikes your fancy.
Optional, again: ask. Some people hate to be asked, but it can be polite and sweet. If you’re uncertain, asking doesn’t hurt. Or just say, “I’d really like to kiss you,” or pay a genuine and personal compliment, like, “you’re so beautiful,” or “you’re incredible, you know that?” with lots of eye contact and coy smiling.
Close your eyes. Trust yourself to get your mouth safely to its destination.
Put your lips on their lips! Always closed mouth at first. For the love of all that is holy, go in with your mouth closed. Please don’t terrorize the kissing population with an open mouth on impact.
INDIRECT INITIATION
The steps for direct and indirect initiation are going to look the same for a while.
Except instead of step three, you’re going to do the eyes-mouth-eyes gaze maneuver, a maneuver which has never failed me. I repeat, never failed. So, here we go: The eyes-mouth-eyes gaze maneuver. It is shockingly self explanatory. You, at a reasonably close distance, look at their eyes, smile a little, hold for a second, look at their mouth, maintaining mysterious smile, and then look back to their eyes if they aren’t already kissing you. Which they should be. Because this maneuver is like, universal code for “kiss me now, please.” If the maneuver fails, it is easily transitioned out of, and makes for great flirting regardless of outcome.
Now, my second topic of conversation:
MOVE YOUR MOUTH AND HANDS IN PLEASANT WAYS
Now that you have achieved your goal, your lips are touching, it’s all about what you do with those lips. Kissing does come down to personal preference a lot of the time, but I’ve listed a few good things to do, and a few bad things to do, with both mouth and hands.
GOOD THINGS TO DO
Pay attention to their responses. Match pace, and force. You can take the lead, but be a benevolent leader. No need to scare anyone with kissing too hard or fast too soon. That’s how you get your teeth clinked on their teeth, which is rookie stuff.
Know where to put your hands. For girls, this mostly means small of her back, her face, and her hair. A hand in your hair, or playing with a girl’s hair while kissing is delightful. For guys, this will be his back, shoulders, and face and hair, again. It’s super nice. If you’re brave, there are other places for hands to be, but as far as a polite, basic kiss, this is what you need to know.
Use your tongue nicely. Which means intermittently, and not too forcefully. Use it to trace one of their lips; use it gently and play it by ear.
Let it come naturally. Kissing is not difficult; it’s almost instinctive. Have faith in yourself. However, when it comes to tongue, err on the side of caution.
BAD THINGS TO DO
GO IN WITH AN OPEN MOUTH. Don’t, don’t ever. This is scary.
Too hard, too fast. Ease into it, tiger. If you rush in, guns blazing, people get scared.
Ignore signals. Your partner will usually kiss the way they want to be kissed, and so should you. Listen to each other. This also goes for hands; if a partner puts their hands where they are not welcome, just take them and guide them back. This should be enough of a hint. The opposite is also true; be aware and respectful of boundaries.
All tongue, all the time. Change it up, and for the love of god don’t leave your tongue limp in their mouth. That’s terrible.
END A KISS
In writing this, I realized I don’t actually remember how most kisses end. However I don’t remember it ever being awkward, which means it’s probably pretty instinctive. Just be nice, all the time; that’s the best advice there is. Whether it’s a non-committal make out or a kiss you hope to repeat, smile a lot, be nice, and leave them wanting more.
As always, I hope this helps! Go out, put your lips on one another, kiss passionately and without remorse. Heaven knows I do.
With Love,
Kate