You're Miserable, And You're Lonely, And You're Going To Trap Me Here To Keep Me Every Bit As Miserable

Random hoe tips (pt. 2)

Vitamin E can help alleviate period symptoms. It’s in avocados, almonds, broccoli, etc. 

Take 1 banana and a tablespoon of honey and mix together to make a nice face mask. 

Avoid wearing cotton panties before and after sex because cotton panties trap lint in the crevices of your thighs. 

Take a detox bath. Mix 1 cup of ground-up oatmeal, 1 cup of epsom salts, and 2 teaspoons of lavender bud and put 2-3 spoonfuls of the mixture in your bathwater. 

Shave your vag downward or diagonally. 

To hide a hickey, apply green concealer all over and top with foundation and powder. Bam. Hickey-be-gone. 

Avoid feminine washes such as Summer’s Eve. They’ll throw off the natural pH of your vag. Mild soap works just fine. 

An amazing product is Anastasia Dipbrow Pomade. You’re welcome. 

If you use hair removal creams on your vag, you’re more prone to a yeast infection. 

Need a natural facial toner? Dilute 1 teaspoon of apple cider vinegar in a cup of water. 

Yoni oil makes your vag extremely soft. 

Foods with Vitamin B6 will help relieve bloating. It’s found in bananas, oatmeal, potatoes, etc. 

Rimmel Stay Matte foundation is only $6, is great for full coverage, and feels absolutely weightless. 

When you bleed onto your panties during your period, put your stained panties into a mixture of ¾ ice cold water and ¼ peroxide. Mix the liquid and give it 2-3 hours before letting your blood-free panties dry. 

Vaseline cocoa butter or Johnson’s baby lotion does wonders for your legs after you shave. 

Coconut oil and brown sugar make the perfect body exfoliator. 

Maybelline Pumped Up Mascara is tear-proof. 

Honey and white sugar make the perfect lip scrub. 

If you don’t exactly know how to shave your vag: exfoliate, rub the area with baby oil to soften the hair, shave with a 4-blade razor (they do a better job shaving) and apply unscented deodorant liberally to avoid razor bumps. 

Drinking cranberry juice helps prevent UTIs. 

Cranberries and pineapples help improve the natural scent of your vag. 

Men’s razors are cheaper than women’s razors and they also shave a lot better. 

If you have sensitive skin, use witch hazel, rose water, or mud masks. 

Do NOT douche. Douching can cause STIs and yeast infections. 

Soak your feet in lemon juice; hot water will dry out your skin. 

MASTERPOST OF ALL THE HOE TIPS/GLO UP TIPS YOU’LL EVER NEED ✨

1. How to be a bad b!tch

2. Skincare/beauty tips from twitter user @ambitionVEVO

3. Hoe products to try out 

4. Random hoe tips pt.1

5. Random hoe tips pt.2

6, How to look expensive on a budget

7. Even more ways to look expensive for cheap courtesy of the queen Amber Scholl 

8. A hoe’s guide to flirting

9. How to make your skin glow 

10. Real life hoe tips

11. Hoe wisdom - MANIPULATION

12. How to hoe when you’re not a hoe

13. SELF LOVE

14. How to have the softest skin + hoe bath & body care routine

15. Tips for treating yourself

16. Self-improvement masterpost

17. Treating body acne

18. Super silky summer legs!

19. 25 common makeup mistakes courtesy of @ImTheBombDotCom on twitter

20. The Bad B!tch Mentality

21. The Bad B!tch Mentality pt.2

22. How to get rid of dark spots : underarms, neck, inner thighs (read description)

23.  Hygiene/beauty masterpost

THAT’S ABOUT IT FOR NOW BBYS, DON’T FORGET TO FOLLOW ME FOR MORE AND HMU ON HERE OR @bitchynextdoor IF Y'ALL HAVE ANY QUESTIONS♡

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How to give amazing blow jobs by Blakley Jules

21 tips and tricks to make ur guy crave you, you’re welcome ;)

1. kiss his neck then continue all the way down his body (stomach) till you reach the dick

2. when you get to the penis, take your tongue out and lick from the top (tip) all the way down to the bottom (by the balls), then back up, then put it in your mouth

3. put one hand around the part of his dick that doesn’t comfortably fit in your mouth and use that to help support the bj

4. make sure your tongue is working hard core. remember, the tongue is a muscle so use that mofo

5. don’t get confused by the name “blow” job. you should be sucking. not too hard, not too softly.

6. take your tongue and move it up and press it directly on the tip of the head(very top). Yeah sounds nasty but they’ll die of happiness

7. or take your tongue and circle it around the head, they love that too

8. side note here’s a tip to make it easier to deep throat: hold down your left thumb all the way into your palm, it somehow helps to stop your gag reflex

9. if you place your pointer finger and thumb (use the hand you’re using to help the bj) around your lips like you’re outlining your lips, itll feel like you’re going deeper than you actually are.

10. when you’re ready for your jaw to take a break try this: take both hands and put them stacked around his penis, then gently, key word GENTLY, twist in opposite directions. 

11. this sounds weird, but pretend you’re loving it as much as he is. this will make him more turned on, moan while his thingy is in your mouth, the vibrations of the moans will add some good feelings too

12. body temps rise during hookups, so suck a piece of ice before giving him a bj, or even take a cold sip of water in the middle of the process. hell thank you later

13. gross but awesome for guys: gently massage their balls, but be VERY FUCKING CAREFUL because they are sensitive beyong beleif

14. make sure it’s wet, lots of saliva or lube, whatever you prefer

15. occasionally go super deep, as deep as you can go, then go back into the normal flow of how you were blowing him before

16. big fyi: alcohol causes your throat to tighten making it harder to deep throat or even give a bj at all

17. majority of guys like pain while being stimulated so if he’s down for that, dig your nails into his chest or back, or nibble the bottom of his tummy. but test out the waters slowly and make sure hes cool with it

18. don’t hide away under covers, he prolly wants to watch the action ;)

19. when he starts to “finish” go slowly again

20. try this to drive them fucking insane: when you feel them about to finish, stop blowing him and slightly squeeze his dick at the bottom with your hand, then wait a second, then continue. 

21. and lastly, try some cool positions: both laying on sides, can also 69 like this or have him on his knees kinda on top of you so he can help move up and down to how he likes it

hope these tips helped at least a little, remember to reblog and give me creds :)

posted by ivegotsomebadintentionss 

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💕A Glow Up Challenge💕

Day 1: Start reducing screen time at least an hour before you go to sleep. Read a book, do some drawing, take a bath, etc. You’ll sleep like a baby.

Day 2: Start moisturizing your face with SPF twice a day.

Day 3: Start using mouthwash BEFORE brushing your teeth; it helps get bacteria and other microbes off of your teeth more efficiently for a stronger clean👄

Day 4: Take 5 minutes to stretch right after waking up.

Day 5: Start drinking a glass of cold water before you eat breakfast to kickstart your metabolism.

Day 6: Start applying Vitamin E oil to your stretch marks right after you shower daily for smooth flawless skin.

Day 7: Start doing a mini 5 minute work out before your shower: squats, pushups, planks, whatever you like doing.

Day 8: Take a day off from social media to actually enjoy your surroundings🌅🌄

Day 9: Take an epsom salt bath for an overall detox (you can find bags of epsom salt at your local pharmacy).

Day 10: Start the day with a healthy breakfast. Scrambled eggs, a bowl of fruit, some whole grain toast, etc

Day 11: Switch from coffee to tea for a healthier caffeine fix☕

Day 12: Take a break from makeup today. Let ya skin breathe.

Day 13: Start applying SPF to your hands daily👐

Day 14: Go meatless for the day. You’ll really feel the difference in your body/energy throughout the day.

Day 15: Do a face mask today, whether it be a homemade one or that one with the pretty packaging that you always want to do but the time never felt right. Yeah, that one!!

Day 16: Create a “getting ready” playlist, put songs for the mood you want to be in, instead of the mood you are in🎶

Day 17: Four words: SEA SALT SCRUB DOWN. Mix some olive oil and sea salt and you got yourself a bomb ass body scrub.

Day 18: Declutter something today, having a more organized environment will help improve your mood.

Day 19: Go commando for today! You gotta let her get some air.

Day 20: Exercise, it doesn’t have to be intense at all. Go for a walk with your dog, for a jog, even a dance session in your room with your fave playlist🏃

Day 21: Clean your sheets today, especially your pillow case!!! There is all kinds of shit that could be on there rn, you should be doing this every 1-2 weeks.

Day 22: Wake up 2 hours earlier (okay.. 1 hour) Use this time to make your day less stressful.

Day 23: Spend your spare time reading or studying today📚

Day 24: Eat some chocolate; yes seriously. Dark chocolate is ideal but any will do. It’s great for your metabolism and your mood!

Day 25: Try something different with your hair today. Doesn’t matter if it’s just a new style or maybe something big like a new color, or cut. Even parting your hair a different way can transform your whole look💇

Day 26: Beat ya face, dress up real cute and take a bunch of selfies.

Day 27: Start flossing after every meal to avoid plaque building up on your teeth so you can strengthen and protect those pearly whites😀

Day 28: Delete old contacts of people you don’t fw anymore, and unfollow any people you don’t fw on social media. Cutting off dead ends clears your skin✨

Day 29: Splurge on some cute ass lingerie that makes you feel like a queen, whether it be for yourself, your mans, or ya lady. Having sexy lingerie on as you go about your day can boost your confidence for sure

Day 30: Apply a sugar scrub to your lips once or twice a week and moisturize them daily to keep your lips nice and luscious😘

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Tumblr staff is taking no-nut november way too seriously

Health, Skin care, & Beauty tips pt.I💋💋 ©reds to @AmbitionVEVO on twitter!

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If you need…

Rest and recuperation:

- take a nap

- sit in the warm sunshine

- cuddle a pet

- take a bath

- go to bed early

- meditate

- forget all the yoga and just lie in corpse pose for however long you need

Self love:

- put on body lotion

- change your clothes into something more comfortable

- wash your hair

- light some candles

- write a love letter to yourself

- list 10 good things about yourself

Reminiscence and nostalgia:

- watch a childhood classic on TV

- clean your room: make it cozy and safe

- care for yourself the way your guardians would when you were a sick child

- do a small task or hobby that you used to love - listen to old music

- play a game from your past

Energy:

- eat a healthy meal

- put on some upbeat music

- drink ice cold water

- change into clothes that make you feel good but aren’t pyjamas

- go for a walk

- challenge yourself to do the things you want to do and reward yourself after

Companionship:

- get in touch with a friend

- go to a public place, like a coffee shop

- say hello to a stranger

- call your mum

- message a long lost friend

- arrange to meet someone you love

- join online groups of people with similar interests

Health:

- do some light exercise

- drink a glass of water

- do some yoga or stretches

- go to bed early

- take a short walk or jog

- eat something healthy and tasty

- clean your home

To express yourself:

- write about how your feelings

- dance to your favourite music

- sing

- put on makeup

- paint or draw

- bullet journal

- write a story, some poetry or a diary entry

- change your hairstyle

Comfort:

- drink something warm

- go somewhere you feel safe

- spend time with safe, loving people

- watch a lovely tv show or movie

- get under some blankets

- if it’s cold, sit by a fire

- cuddle someone or something

- give yourself a little hug

self checks are a very important part of self-care and good mental health! make sure you check up on yourself and do things that help you when you don’t feel so good.

Do you have like a checklist or something of things that need to be done before you can move out? I have over a year to get ready, but I'm not certain what "ready" means exactly. What needs to happen before a person can live on their own (in the USA)? Thanks for answering, love your blog!

I’m realizing now that I have lots of posts that detail different parts of this moving into a new apartment process, but none that discuss everything. So this post is essentially a conglomerate of four different posts: Adulting 108, Moving (On Your Own), Living On Your Own, and Apartment Hunting 101.

But here they are, in step by step order! Enjoy!

Finding an Apartment (Apartment Hunting 101)

Overview: There’s no getting around it, apartment hunting is a stressful process. The waiting and wondering gets the best of everyone, so give yourself a break and remember not to be too hard on yourself. The more prepared and decisive you are, the better off you’ll be!

1. Step One: The most important step in this entire process is coming up with your list of “Need and Won’t”. This list can always be adjusted in the spur of the moment, but will act as a baseline to help you easily disregard impractical apartments. Before you even start your search, sit down with any roommates (SO or otherwise) and come up with a list. Here is my list:

Need: Dishwasher, pet friendly, heat included.

Won’t: First floor apartment, all or mostly carpeted apartment, no closet space.

2. Step Two: Decide your price range. The paycheck to paycheck life is not a great one to live, so try to find an apartment that still allows you to put anywhere from $100-$500 into savings every month. Figure out how much you make monthly, with taxes taken out. If you’re paid every other week, this is two paychecks. If you’re paid every week, this is four paychecks. Start with your total monthly income, and subtract the following expenses. Let’s say you make $1,000 with taxes taken out:

Rent - Let’s say you’re living with a roommate, and your rent is only $500 per month.

Electric - My electric expense is $60 a month for a one bedroom. Once again, you’re living with a roommate so let’s say that you pay half of that. $30.

Internet - $30 a month internet only. Please don’t waste your money on cable. Just use your mom’s Netflix account.

Travel expenses - I spend about $85 a month on gas. Let’s say you use public transportation and spend around $100.

Food - Figure you’ll be spending $100 per person each month. So that’s another $100.

Misc expense: Let’s just add an additional $50 worth of expenses on. Because you never know what’ll happen.

That leaves you $130 a month extra to put in savings or to use in the event of an emergency! That’s awesome. Substitute your own numbers in, and figure out how much you can afford for rent. Immediately disregard any apartments that do not fit in this budget.

3. Step Three: The best way to find dependable apartments is to consult with your fellow apartment renters. Consult with coworkers, friends, family- anyone who is currently renting in the area that you would like to rent in. Get the inside scoop on potential apartments, both their advantages and their pitfalls. If you don’t know anyone who is renting where you’d like to rent, here are some other apartment hunting options:

Craigslist: Obviously

Drive-bys: Literally drive around until you find a cool looking apartment complex. Find their rental office and go right in, this is how I found my first apartment.

Your college: The Dean’s Office will have a list of apartment offerings to give kids who don’t qualify for on-campus housing.

This Site: A list of the top ranked apartment hunting sites.

4. Set up an appointment: After finding a potential apartment, consult with the landlord or apartment representative to set up a date and time to see the apartment. Respond promptly to any email or phone call they leave for you. On the flip side, if they aren’t prompt in their response to you RUN.

The first apartment I ever looked at, my boyfriend and I showed up on time and the landlord wasn’t there. We called her and she said that she was running late, and told us that the apartment was open and we could show ourselves inside. Serious red flag, but we gave it the benefit of the doubt and went in. Long story short, she never showed up. She gave us a tour of the apartment over the phone and kept saying that she was five minutes away, but never came. We later found out that her rental office was two minutes from the apartment we looked at. Talk about flakey! We told her we weren’t interested, if she can’t even show up to show us the apartment, how the hell can we depend on her to fix any problems we might have? Because you’re young and inexperienced, some landlords will try to give you the run around. Your age is no concern of their’s, and has no bearing on how you will act as a tenant. Here are some red flags for flaky landlords:

Not contacting you within one day of leaving them a message. Disregarding the weekends.

Not showing up when they say they will.

Repeatedly telling you that you’re “young” or “inexperienced”.

Telling you that the apartment “is good for college kids” or “a good first apartment” (that just means it’s a shit hole).

If they tell you that the apartment has a large turnover (people are leaving for a reason).

If you speak with one person on the phone, and meet a different person who shows you the apartment.

If they can’t or refuse to give you the exact rent amount.

If they tell you that have to “run some numbers” based on your history. An apartment’s rent should be the same for everybody.

If they can’t answer basic questions about service providers for the apartment.

If you get a weird vibe from them. Listen to your intuition! This is the person who is going to be responsible for fixing all your apartment related problems, you will be dealing with them every month at least. If they seem unreliable, don’t sign the lease!

5. Step Five: Find your appointment buddy! Never, ever, EVER go to look at a potential apartment by yourself. I don’t care how friendly Wendy seems online, she may be a serial killer. There’s no way to tell. Here’s a list of people who can accompany you:

Your older brother

Your boyfriend/girlfriend

Your Aunt Meredith

Your second cousin

Your friend who can scream really loudly

Your Mother

Your Step Mother

Your old nosey neighbor who smells like cats

Literally anyone you can trust

Bribe them with chocolate, I don’t care. Take someone with you! If you absolutely cannot find anyone to go with you, then you need to take additional precautions. Here are some options:

Kitestring

“Share My Location” on your Iphone

Pepper Spray

Posting to Facebook the address you are going to and when you are expected to arrive and leave.

Rescheduling your appointment to a date and time when you can be accompanied

Apartment Checklist

A mental checklist is good in theory, but will you remember it when you’re actually at the prospective apartment with your Aunt Meredith? I think not! Make a physical list of some of the following points, and feel free to add your own. my list is super extensive, but that’s just who I am. I am detail oriented.

Tuck this list in your back pocket and consult it when the person showing you the apartment is not looking.

Expense related

How much is the rent?

Is the rent just the rent, or are there any amenities included? Some apartments include heat, hot water, or electric expenses.

Is hot water included (if the apartment has a washer/dryer in it, then the water is probably a separate expense)?

What Internet service providers are available?

What electric service providers are available?

Do I have to pay for garbage removal?

What is the average electric expense that other renters deal with?

Ask when rent is due. Find out what the rent check procedure is.

Basic

What type of heating/cooling is provided?

What appliances are in the kitchen? *If there is no oven or fridge and you are required to buy your own then run*

What is the apartment complex turnover rate?

Do you have a choice of carpet vs. hard wood floors?

Will window blinds be provided? *If the apartment complex won’t pay for something as simple as window blinds then the landlord is a cheapskate and can’t be trusted*

Is there a “curfew”? Most apartments have a time of night when all the tenants are supposed to be quiet. This is generally not enforced.

What will your address be?

Additional

Is any furniture included?

Is there a Laundromat in the complex? If not where is the closest one?

Similarly, is the Laundromat in the complex card operated or quarter operated? Do you have to pay a fee for the card? Is there a quarter dispensing machine?

Will you be given a free parking permit? *If parking is not free then run*

Ask about local shopping and gas stations.

Ask where your mailbox will be.

Ask what their pet policy is. (some apartment complexes charge an fee)

Ask what their policy on repainting/decorating is.

Ask what their maintenance request policy is.

Ask where the nearest dumpster is.

How often does the complex loose power?

Is there a nearby police station or fire department?

General check

Check all cabinets (for bug infestations or mouse droppings or that they open properly).

Open all the windows and check to see that there are screens installed. Especially important for us cat owners! If there are no screens- are they going to install screens before you move in?

Check that all the light switches work.

Check that the water turns on.

Flush the toilet.

Check all the closet space (for size, mold, and water damage).

Check how all the doors are set (some apartments will put doors in incorrectly and they’ll never close properly).

Check the outlets (bring a phone chord and plug it in).

Check any balcony access.

Take a look at the paint- is it chipped? Is it stained? Will they be repainting?

Knock on the walls to see how hollow they are (hollow walls require studs if you want to hang anything up).

Open up the oven and make sure it’s clean. If it’s not clean make it clear that it should be cleaned if you want to move into the apartment. It’s not your job to clean up after the previous tenant.

Check that none of the floorboards are sticking up/creaking.

Check for nails and screws in between hardwood floor, tile and carpet (I’m not even kidding).

Check your phone to see how much cell service you have.

Can you hear any neighbors? Could you hear them in the hallway?

Final Decision

If the apartment you visited fits all your criteria, feel free to tell the landlord that you’re interested in pursuing this apartment. This way they can advise you of the next steps. Before you sign ANYTHING, visit the apartment complex twice more to make sure that everything is kosher. Do NOT tell the landlord that you will be coming by.

During the day: Do a drive-by of your prospective apartment to see what it looks like during the day. Is it safe? Are there lots of people standing around outside? Is it loud?

During the night: Come back another night to check the safety of your apartment. Ask yourself- would I feel comfortable taking the trash out late at night? Having friends over? If the answer is “no” then run…

Applying to Rent the Apartment

Overview: After choosing an apartment that you like, there are lots of steps that need to be taken before you can actually move in. 

1. Rental application. You will need to fill out some sort of rental application when applying for an apartment. You’ll be asked for previous addresses (if you’ve lived in previous apartment complexes landlords will actually call and ask about how good of a tenant you were), if you’ve been convicted of a crime, pay stubs, references and/or credit information. If you don’t have a credit score, some complexes will require you to co-sign the lease with someone who does, like a parent. If a landlord does NOT ask you to fill out any kind of application, I’d advise you to run for the hills and not rent from them.

2. Approval. Apartment complexes will mail you a packet of information after you’ve been approved. This will list your new address, what power company services are available, apartment amenities, school districts, local attractions, as well as your next steps. My current apartment complex also mailed me what Internet providers are available, which was a nice extra bonus.

3. Initial expenses. Your next step will be to put down a “security deposit”. This will either be exactly the same or very close to the amount you pay for rent monthly. This deposit ensures that you don’t destroy the apartment, if you do they won’t refund you. You will also be asked to pay your first month’s rent in advance. Most rental companies will only accept money orders for these initial expenses, you have to go to your bank to get these. They’re essentially checks that take the money out of your account right away.

4. Apartment check. After you’re approved for an apartment, ask to see the actual unit that you’ll be moving into. Make sure that you see said apartment before signing any lease. Notice how loud your neighbors are, how good of a cell signal you have, the condition of the apartment, etc. This is a pretty extensive list.

Before You Move

1. List it up. Make a list of everything that you will need to accomplish before you are ready to move. This includes items that need to be packed, people that need to be contacted, pet accommodations, etc. I love lists, but you may not, so use any organizational technique that works for you.

2. Divide and conquer. After you’ve made your list, organize items based off of how much time they’ll take you. Packing will be fairly time-consuming, so this is something you’ll want to invite friends over for and break up over several days. I like to have “moving” parties whenever I’m getting ready to move, essentially I buy some chips and dip, play some Trap, and invite my friends over to act as my minions. Something like canceling your subscription to Cosmo will take you very little time and energy to do, so it’s something you can do when you’re ready for a stress-free activity.

3. Contact companies. Speaking of canceling your Cosmo subscription, you will need to update your address with all of the companies you use. If you’re no longer going to be using that company, you’ll need to call them and tell them when to end your service. If you’re going to continue to using that company, you’ll have to call them and tell that you’ll need an address change. Give them the exact date you’ll be moving so that they can backdate your information. Some examples of companies:

DMV in the county you’re moving to (if you’re going to drive)

Your doctor’s office

Your college (even if you graduated, they send out alumni letters all the time)

Your credit/debit card company

Your bank

Your phone company

Any government programs you’re a part of

Any companies that you have loans with

Your health insurance company

Your auto insurance company

Amazon

4. Pre-move in List. Make a shopping list of all the non-perishable items you will need before moving in. I’m talking trash cans, first aid kits, toilet paper, laundry detergent, etc. I like to work on this list over the span of several days, and do a large shop before moving in. Your moving day will be stressful enough as it is, don’t add the stress of missing something you need. Here’s a pretty good list.

5. Electric set-up. Use the information packed your landlord sent you to find out who your electricity provider is. Call them, you’ll probably get a pre-recorded message. Choose the option that says something along the lines of “set up electricity”. You will be connected to an actual human being, who will ask you to read your new address. Tell them to turn on power to your apartment a couple days before you move in. They will set up a billing plan with you (ask to be put on a budget, it’ll save you lots of money) and give you your account information.

6. Internet set-up. Setting up your internet is similar to setting up your electric, but a bit more hand’s on. Most cable/internet companies always have some sort of deal going on, a year or two years of discounted service. Be aware of when this discount will end, and contact the company to see if they can offer you a new deal. If Verizon is offered in your area, I strongly advise you to use them for Internet service. i was on a two year plan with them that saved us $40 a month on internet service, and after it ended they put us on a new plan that is now saving us $42 a month. Fuck yeah! Also make sure to set your internet installation date for the day after you move in, so that you’re not stuck sitting in your internet-less apartment, unable to read my blog. Know that most internet companies charge installation and routers fees, and if you complain enough they’ll drop one or both of these. Just be like “I’m a poor college student” or threaten to go to another internet company.  

7. Send ahead. If possible, send/drop off some of your items ahead of time. If you have a family member or a friend that lives nearby where you’ll be staying, ask if they can hold a few boxes for you. You can also mail yourself packages and ask your local post office to hold them for you, but you’ll need to arrange that ahead of time.

8. Forwarding address. You will inevitably forget something, so make sure to leave your forwarding address and contact information with your ex-landlord, college, ex-roommate, etc.

9. Signing the Lease. The last thing you will do before moving into your new apartment is signing a lease. You will be given a copy of the lease to keep, as well as the key to your apartment and/or laundry key. Keep your copy of the lease in a safe place, and make sure to get duplicates of your apartment keys.

During Moving

1. Take your time. Don’t try to unpack everything in one day! Take some time to explore your new space, and decide where to put everything in a leisurely way. There is no set schedule for moving.

2. Assistance. If you have friends/family helping you make the move, assign them specific tasks so that nobody spends their time pestering you and asking “what do you need help with?”. You can even decide these tasks ahead of time, during your plane or car ride over.

3. Be neighborly. You’ll likely meet some neighbors during this process, and make sure to stop and greet them, even if you’re in the middle of something. First impressions do matter, even when they shouldn’t, and spending thirty seconds to greet someone in a parking lot may save you a lot of hardship in the long run. Ask your neighbors to recommend local attractions, places to eat, what laundromats to use, etc.

4. Check everything. During your first few days moved into you new apartment, look around and make note of anything wrong. Outlets that don’t work, scratches on the wall, peeling paint, etc. Report these ASAP to your landlord to be fixed. This will give you a good idea of how put together their maintenance unit is. Make sure to offer maintenance workers water and be polite to them when they’re fixing anything in your apartment.

After You’re Settled (Specifically for Living Alone)

1. PKW. Phone, keys, wallet. Every time you go anywhere. Check twice. The worst part of living on your own is having to rely on yourself to never forget to lock yourself out or leave your wallet at a sandwich shop in a mall. Make absolutely sure you have duplicates of your keys (I would get a couple made) and give one to a friend who lives nearby who you can count on. I also like to keep an extra set inside the apartment itself in a secure place, just in case. Your landlord can let you in during office hours, but giving a key to a trustworthy friend helps you 24/7.

2. Cleaning routine. You don’t have to sit down at a writing desk and draft this out, but spend a few minutes coming up with a basic cleaning regime for you to follow. It’s definitely easier to do a little each day, but if that doesn’t work for your schedule set aside at least an hour and a half during your time off to get your apartment spotless. I don’t know about you, but whenever I deep clean my apartment I feel like I’m living in a hotel for a day, and I absolutely love it.

3. Make a “moving” shopping list. This is everything you will need (minus food) for your first week at your new place. Do a big shop, and get all the essentials out of the way: first aid kit, cleaning supplies, tape, cat food, etc. Your first week moving into your new place will be stressful enough, you don’t want to be halfway through setting up your living room and realize that you forgot to buy trash bags.

4. Secure yourself. I’m not the most agile or fast person in the world, and I do live in a mid-sized city that has a good deal of crime. The apartment complex I live in is very safe, but I still like to double lock my front door at night. It might be smart to keep some pepper spray or a baseball bat somewhere in your apartment, just in case.

5. Stay social. Even the most anti-social person gets lonely. Make sure to hang out with your friends, not just your co-workers, your actual friends. Get out off your apartment every few days and go see a movie, get a cup of coffee, go people watching at the park, etc. It’s easy to get depressed if you’re living alone and doing the same things the same way every day- allow yourself to mix it up.

6. Meal prep. It can be stressful and seem useless to cook complicated or “fancy” meals when you’re living on your own. Plan your meals for the week and make a list before going shopping. Get yourself enough food to make a variety of dinners that will only take you fifteen minutes. If you do want to go crazy and make steak and mashed potatoes for yourself, make enough for two meals. Also, nobody is going to think poorly of you for stocking your fridge with a couple frozen dinners.

7. Customer service. Living alone means that you are going to be doing a lot of talking to customer service representatives. Get comfortable talking to people over the phone. Tell the rep what you need as quickly as you can, and try to be polite because customer service at a phone center is a garbage job that doesn’t pay well. On the flip side, don’t be afraid to ask for a manager if you’re upset or unhappy with your service. Take their survey at the end of your phone call, tell them how unhappy you are. It’s someone’s shitty job to look at all those surveys, no complaint goes unheard. Companies with great phone service: Verizon, Apple, Amazon. Companies with awful phone service: USPS (literally the worst), electric companies, health insurance companies.

8. Guest space. This is not required, but it’s a good idea to have some sort of space for a friend to stay the night. A friend of mine had a bad breakup, showed up at my apartment with ten minute’s notice, and then fell asleep on my couch after an hour of crying. It as 7:30! Whatever, she needed it. Keep an extra blanket and pillow in your closet, I like to keep travel sized shampoos and conditioners in my bathroom cabinet on the off chance a guest wants to use my shower. I got these at a hotel for free, but they’re available at CVS and other pharmacies.

9. Toilet paper. Don’t let yourself run out of toilet paper! I like to buy more when I notice I only have one roll left. The same deal goes for paper towels.

10. Enjoy. Living on your own is simoltaneously exciting and exhausting, but an all around must-have experience. Enjoy the freedom to forget to make the bed, to decorate your bathroom however you want, to have ice cream for dinner, to watch reruns of Friends and cry when Rachel decides to move to France. Make sure to give yourself lots of space to move at your own pace, but please remember to eat three meals a day and to go to the doctor’s for a checkup at least once a year!

How to Feign Your Life is Together

Have a signature accessory, clothing article, make up look, or hair style.

Have a fragrance. Make your hair scents and lotions match your perfume.

It’s okay to dine alone. Bring a book or people watch.

Love your hair. Research the best brands for your hair type and use masks weekly.

Your nails don’t need to be fancy, but keep them maintained.

Stay worldly. Know works of art, artists, designers, films, books, politicians. Spend your lunch break reading the paper or a magazine.

Crying is not a weapon. It’s okay to feel your emotions, but never use them as an excuse to avoid your problems.

Jealousy is boring. Love and appreciate others. If you can’t love them, forget them.

Boost others. Flatter others, but don’t deprecate yourself in the process.

Don’t sulk. Don’t let the whole world know your problems. If you don’t want someone to give their opinion, don’t share your situation.

Your life is between you and the universe. Don’t post your personal matters for others to see.

Don’t emotionally blackmail others. They hurt you? Let them know and then move on. It’s between the two of you and not the world.

Cook dinner. Cook dinner and listen to music, the radio, or a podcast.

Treat yourself to candles and flowers. Be your own cheerleader.

Take naps. Take a cat nap on a Sunday afternoon with the blinds open and the fan on high.

Drink your water, eat your vegetables. Take care of your body.

Never have time to take off your jewelry before bed, but always have time to take off your makeup. Your nighttime skin regime is important.

Mystery is beautiful. You don’t need to reveal much of or about yourself.

Never appear other than as you are. Don’t lie about yourself. Embrace who you are at your core.