Random Hoe Tips (pt. 2)

Foods that make u taste better

Pineapple 🍍 Cranberries 🍒 Strawberries 🍓 Basically any fruit 🍉🍐🍎🍑 Water (Lots of it) 💦 100% cranberry / pineapple juice no sugar added 🍹

And foods you should avoid 🙅🏽: Meat 🐄 Eggs 🐔 Dairy 🐮 Sugar 🍦🍫🍰🍭 Beer/Wine/Alcohol/Soda 🍷🍻 Coffee ☕️ Smoking 🚬

end of beginning - djo

ya’ll for real though, if you don’t own a bathtub and wanna do those “soak in apple cider vinegar” things, get a spray bottle (dollarstore sells ‘em) and put 2/1 ratio of water and vinegar and sit in your shower, lean foreword and let the spray hit your back, and spritz your cooch with the mist and let it soak it in a while before you rinse it

36 questions that can make two strangers fall in love

In Mandy Len Catron’s Modern Love essay, “To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This,” she refers to a study by the psychologist Arthur Aron (and others) that explores whether intimacy between two strangers can be accelerated by having them ask each other a specific series of personal questions. The 36 questions in the study are broken up into three sets, with each set intended to be more probing than the previous one.

The idea is that mutual vulnerability fosters closeness. To quote the study’s authors, “One key pattern associated with the development of a close relationship among peers is sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personal self-disclosure.” Allowing oneself to be vulnerable with another person can be exceedingly difficult, so this exercise forces the issue.

The final task Ms. Catron and her friend try — staring into each other’s eyes for four minutes, with the suggested duration ranging from two minutes to four. But Ms. Catron was unequivocal in her recommendation. “Two minutes is just enough to be terrified,” she told me. “Four really goes somewhere.”

Set I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set III

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share …”

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

The problem isn’t falling in love, it’s staying in love. 

Source: http://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html

You're miserable, and you're lonely, and you're going to trap me here to keep me every bit as miserable and lonely too!

4x12 || annabelle--cane || 2x19 || our song - rainbow kitten surprise || 8x20 || r/AmItheAsshole || 7x16 || anonymous || 3x22 || do your worst - the happy fits || 2x16 || ask polly || 8x16 || it's all futile! it's all pointless! - wilbur soot || 4x12

Can you give some blowjob tips? I need to improve lol

Aight get ready to get ur hoe on, this is everything I know. And this is what works for me, so try it out and play around w it see what works for u and whats enjoyable for ur partner and suck his soul outta is body. Remember you can’t half-ass this shit it wont be enjoyable for you or him, you gotta dive right in like the sex god(dess) you are:

Tease him, don’t just jump right in. Make out & stroke him over his clothes, rub and squeeze a bit. Kiss his damn neck, don’t forget his nipples, they sensitive 2 (play w it, lick it - pro tip: a light touch is A+)

kiss your way down, be sensual & shit, guys love that shit; look up @ him when u do, that’s sexy as hell; get comfortable cause I know when I don’t take time to position myself my knees and hips hurt like a bitch, I like sitting/kneeling between his legs if he’s laying down or sitting. If he’s standing its not as bad 

I like to stroke and pump him lightly a few times a few times while I try to gather saliva in my mouth. how you want to start is up 2 u. Licking his length or putting the tip in your mouth (i like this one). I like to switch it up tho, so go crazy. Establishing eye contact when u do this is hella erotic too. Kiss his belly (like below his belly button and above his pubic area - if u wanna kiss there thats fine too I don’t cause pubes), kiss his thighs (guys love this too)

People say roll your lips over your teeth (like an old person) so you don’t scrape his weewee but like????? that dont work with me & makes it more difficult, I don’t have much trouble with my teeth. Just keep your lips flat over your teeth (don’t pull your lips up like with a toothy smile) and you’ll be fine.

The 1st 10-15 seconds, I’m just trying to get him as wet as possible with spit (and you can use this to see how much of him you can fit in your mouth) so bounce your head a few times and suck, test how far in you can fit him, get messy and get it wet (as much as you can) guys LOVE sloppy cause it feels much better. If you have difficulty with this, try hitting the back of your throat. If you gag a little it’ll produce more saliva but back up immediately. In my experience, if I’m enjoying myself and getting into it then I produce a lot more spit. If it’s still difficult invest in some lube.

Go fuckin wild. The main thing is to suck on it obv. Bounce your head up and down, use your hand(s) to stroke what you can’t fit in your mouth. Swirl your tongue around while you suck on him. Alternate your speeds, go fast for a few seconds then slow down. And vary your sucking strength too. Sometimes you gotta suck him like its the end of the world and switch it up and do it lightly to tease him. A trick is “hollowing out your cheeks”, you’re basically pulling your cheeks in like when you make a “goldfish face” or when your contour LMAO this makes it super tight - I can’t do this for very long gotta watch out for teeth when u do this tho. It’s okay to take breaks from sucking and take him out of your mouth, just keep stroking him with your hand. And lick his length (eye contact!!)

I know some guys like to face fuck a girl, mine doesn’t really. But if he does and you’re comfortable with it then just relax your mouth and let him do the work. I tend to flex the back of my throat when ths happens or else it’ll hit my gag reflex. Remember to talk about it before hand (usually a guy will ask if he can) make sure you have a signal or something to back off because it can get overwhelming especially if he’s larger and/or doing very hard.

During strokes, squeeze a little tighter when you’re pulling towards the tip (you) than when you’re going towards him. it’s okay to use a tight grip (don’t hulk it) but I found that light teasing touches are gr8 too. Focus on the head, do small strokes on the tip, run your thumb over it. Lightly lick the tip and flick your tongue around and play w it. Take the tip into your mouth and suck on it

Don’t forget about his balls! They’re super super sensitive. When you need a break from sucking, keep stroking his shaft, and lick his balls. Try and take them in your mouth suck on em and swirl them around with your tongue (try taking both if u can u champ; if not one @ a time is good too). But you definitely have to be more careful with them because you can easily hurt him. When you’re sucking on his penis, massage his balls lightly (hella sensations)

okay my finishing move; if he hasn’t come yet that day (my partner and I go several rounds so) this will finish him right off. When you’re sucking him, try to take him as far in as you can that you’re still comfortable with and tense and flex the muscles there. A swallowing motion around his penis, while you’re sucking. This might take some practice to flex it while still sucking so it’s okay to actually swallow, it’ll just prevent you from sucking. If you moan or hum during this the vibrations will make it even better. If you can deep throat him then hell yeah hell yeah, go u (i can’t lmao)

Pay attention to his reactions. If his breathing gets erratic, his grip gets tighter, moan, or buckle his hips when you’re doing a certain move then keep doing it. Observe him and what he likes. It’s really helpful if he communicates, I know certain guys don’t though. So ask him, say “oh you like that?” “this feel good?” I like to keep it playful and joke if I know he’s enjoying it “oh you like that? want me to keep going?” etc. it’ll classify as dirty talk and help guide you to do more of what he likes.

When he’s close, focus on the tip. Usually guys will let you know (if he doesn’t, tell him beforehand to give you a warning) I always swallow, if you can: do it. It’s sexy for him, and less of a mess. Try to swallow while he’s cumming, cause in my experience if I wait and let it pool in my mouth, it’ll be unpleasant it gets messy & leaks when you remove your mouth. While he’s cumming, do light sucking motions on his head, don’t take him all the way in (I angle his penis up towards the roof of my mouth instead of the back of my throat cause if you have a gag reflex then whoa buddy ur in for a surprise. I don’t even have a sensitive one and it made me gag and tear up because ejaculation comes out at a v fast pace.)

If you can’t swallow then try to keep it in your mouth and go to the bathroom to spit it out. Try and take it like a trooper, because if you make faces of disgust it’ll make him feel bad. If you really don’t want him to, then talk about it with him beforehand and come to an agreement, maybe let him cum on you, in your hand, or something. I don’t like doing this because it is really messy, especially if he has a big load (which mine does). My guy and I have an agreement that he can cum on me if we’re in the shower cause it washes right off.

And last thing: not mandatory obviously but it’ll make your life easier. If you have long hair I recommend tying it up in a ponytail. It makes it neater, it’s gives him a good view of what you’re doing. And it’s something for him to grab onto (and pull - if you’re into that).

Have fun, do your best, remember that this takes time and it’s not something you get great at overnight (but if u do then good for u), it takes time. So go out there and make them moan and cuss under their breath with your blowjob skills.

If you need…

Rest and recuperation:

- take a nap

- sit in the warm sunshine

- cuddle a pet

- take a bath

- go to bed early

- meditate

- forget all the yoga and just lie in corpse pose for however long you need

Self love:

- put on body lotion

- change your clothes into something more comfortable

- wash your hair

- light some candles

- write a love letter to yourself

- list 10 good things about yourself

Reminiscence and nostalgia:

- watch a childhood classic on TV

- clean your room: make it cozy and safe

- care for yourself the way your guardians would when you were a sick child

- do a small task or hobby that you used to love - listen to old music

- play a game from your past

Energy:

- eat a healthy meal

- put on some upbeat music

- drink ice cold water

- change into clothes that make you feel good but aren’t pyjamas

- go for a walk

- challenge yourself to do the things you want to do and reward yourself after

Companionship:

- get in touch with a friend

- go to a public place, like a coffee shop

- say hello to a stranger

- call your mum

- message a long lost friend

- arrange to meet someone you love

- join online groups of people with similar interests

Health:

- do some light exercise

- drink a glass of water

- do some yoga or stretches

- go to bed early

- take a short walk or jog

- eat something healthy and tasty

- clean your home

To express yourself:

- write about how your feelings

- dance to your favourite music

- sing

- put on makeup

- paint or draw

- bullet journal

- write a story, some poetry or a diary entry

- change your hairstyle

Comfort:

- drink something warm

- go somewhere you feel safe

- spend time with safe, loving people

- watch a lovely tv show or movie

- get under some blankets

- if it’s cold, sit by a fire

- cuddle someone or something

- give yourself a little hug

self checks are a very important part of self-care and good mental health! make sure you check up on yourself and do things that help you when you don’t feel so good.

How To Kiss

So, I had a sultry, sexy intro devised to transition into this topic, but I’m sure you saw the picture I made for this, so let’s not beat around the bush. Today, I am going to teach you three things, which I have learned through great personal hardship combined with extensive research. But first, I know you have questions. Can I be trusted? Who am I to tell you how to kiss? Do I know how to kiss? Umm. Yes. But I have made a kisser’s resume for you, right here:

has lips

has kissed a good number of boys. Not prudish. Not slutty (Not that those labels are even slightly relevant or meaningful. No thank you, patriarchy). 

but seriously I’ve done some kissing in my day

the last three guys I kissed ALL TOLD ME I WAS A GOOD KISSER

numbers like that don’t lie

I rest my case. Now. Let it begin. My first topic is:

INITIATING KISSING

Okay, there are basically two ways you can do this: direct and indirect. Directly, you are the initiator of kisses. You put your mouth on his/her mouth. Indirect, you do some hair-twirling, eye-lash batting magic and make them kiss you. 

DIRECT INITIATION

A big goal here is to not kiss anyone who doesn’t want to kiss you. That sounds terrible for every involved party. So. To make your intentions clear (but not like, weirdly clear) do the following:

Touch. Anything from a casual physical contact while talking, or taking their arm while walking, or holding hands is a great way to indicate interest, and to break the touch barrier and make it a smooth transition into PUTTING YOUR MOUTH ON THEIR MOUTH. Sorry. I got excited. 

Get close. Lean in while talking, snuggle up when appropriate. Physical closeness is the perfect precursor to any kiss.

Optional: hand on face. I’m a fan of hand on face because it makes your intentions oh-so-clear, it helps to guide you in, and it also is just plain nice, as a kiss recipient. Other options include hand on waist, hand on shoulder, hand under chin, whichever strikes your fancy.

Optional, again: ask. Some people hate to be asked, but it can be polite and sweet. If you’re uncertain, asking doesn’t hurt. Or just say, “I’d really like to kiss you,” or pay a genuine and personal compliment, like, “you’re so beautiful,” or “you’re incredible, you know that?” with lots of eye contact and coy smiling. 

Close your eyes. Trust yourself to get your mouth safely to its destination. 

Put your lips on their lips! Always closed mouth at first. For the love of all that is holy, go in with your mouth closed. Please don’t terrorize the kissing population with an open mouth on impact.

INDIRECT INITIATION

The steps for direct and indirect initiation are going to look the same for a while.

Except instead of step three, you’re going to do the eyes-mouth-eyes gaze maneuver, a maneuver which has never failed me. I repeat, never failed. So, here we go: The eyes-mouth-eyes gaze maneuver. It is shockingly self explanatory. You, at a reasonably close distance, look at their eyes, smile a little, hold for a second, look at their mouth, maintaining mysterious smile, and then look back to their eyes if they aren’t already kissing you. Which they should be. Because this maneuver is like, universal code for “kiss me now, please.” If the maneuver fails, it is easily transitioned out of, and makes for great flirting regardless of outcome.

Now, my second topic of conversation:

MOVE YOUR MOUTH AND HANDS IN PLEASANT WAYS

Now that you have achieved your goal, your lips are touching, it’s all about what you do with those lips. Kissing does come down to personal preference a lot of the time, but I’ve listed a few good things to do, and a few bad things to do, with both mouth and hands. 

GOOD THINGS TO DO

Pay attention to their responses. Match pace, and force. You can take the lead, but be a benevolent leader. No need to scare anyone with kissing too hard or fast too soon. That’s how you get your teeth clinked on their teeth, which is rookie stuff. 

Know where to put your hands. For girls, this mostly means small of her back, her face, and her hair. A hand in your hair, or playing with a girl’s hair while kissing is delightful. For guys, this will be his back, shoulders, and face and hair, again. It’s super nice. If you’re brave, there are other places for hands to be, but as far as a polite, basic kiss, this is what you need to know.

Use your tongue nicely. Which means intermittently, and not too forcefully. Use it to trace one of their lips; use it gently and play it by ear. 

Let it come naturally. Kissing is not difficult; it’s almost instinctive. Have faith in yourself. However, when it comes to tongue, err on the side of caution.

BAD THINGS TO DO

GO IN WITH AN OPEN MOUTH. Don’t, don’t ever. This is scary.

Too hard, too fast. Ease into it, tiger. If you rush in, guns blazing, people get scared.

Ignore signals. Your partner will usually kiss the way they want to be kissed, and so should you. Listen to each other. This also goes for hands; if a partner puts their hands where they are not welcome, just take them and guide them back. This should be enough of a hint. The opposite is also true; be aware and respectful of boundaries. 

All tongue, all the time. Change it up, and for the love of god don’t leave your tongue limp in their mouth. That’s terrible. 

END A KISS

In writing this, I realized I don’t actually remember how most kisses end. However I don’t remember it ever being awkward, which means it’s probably pretty instinctive. Just be nice, all the time; that’s the best advice there is. Whether it’s a non-committal make out or a kiss you hope to repeat, smile a lot, be nice, and leave them wanting more. 

As always, I hope this helps! Go out, put your lips on one another, kiss passionately and without remorse. Heaven knows I do. 

With Love, 

Kate

wilson + looking at house