MASTERPOST OF ALL THE HOE TIPS/GLO UP TIPS YOU’LL EVER NEED ✨

Foods that make u taste better

Pineapple 🍍 Cranberries 🍒 Strawberries 🍓 Basically any fruit 🍉🍐🍎🍑 Water (Lots of it) 💦 100% cranberry / pineapple juice no sugar added 🍹

And foods you should avoid 🙅🏽: Meat 🐄 Eggs 🐔 Dairy 🐮 Sugar 🍦🍫🍰🍭 Beer/Wine/Alcohol/Soda 🍷🍻 Coffee ☕️ Smoking 🚬

DID YOU KNOW I RECENTLY HAD A BROTHER DIE, TOO?

the bear / phoebe waller-bridge / lilly dancyger / david byrne / dan pearce / suzy kassem / toni morrison / joseph fink / rabbi joseph telushkin / emily dickinson / richard siken / lone twin network / aanchal malhotra / frank ocean / gabrielle calvocoressi / maurice sendak

Right now, I’m sifting through 50+ applications for a new entry-level position. Here’s some advice from the person who will actually be looking at your CV/resume and cover letter:

‘You must include a cover letter’ does not mean ‘write a single line about why you want this position’. If you can’t be bothered to write at least one actual paragraphs about why you want this job, I can’t be bothered to read your CV.

Don’t bother including a list of your interests if all you can think of is ‘socialising with friends’ and ‘listening to music’. Everyone likes those things. Unless you can explain why the stuff you do enriches you as a person and a candidate (e.g. playing an instrument or a sport shows dedication and discipline) then I honestly don’t care how you spend your time. I won’t be looking at your CV thinking ‘huh, they haven’t included their interests, they must have none’, I’m just looking for what you have included.

Even if you apply online, I can see the filename you used for your CV. Filenames that don’t include YOUR name are annoying. Filenames like ‘CV - media’ tell me that you’ve got several CVs you send off depending on the kind of job advertised and that you probably didn’t tailor it for this position. ‘[Full name] CV’ is best.

USE. A. PDF. All the meta information, including how long you worked on it, when you created it, times, etc, is right there in a Word doc. PDFs are far more professional looking and clean and mean that I can’t make any (unconscious or not) decisions about you based on information about the file.

I don’t care what the duties in your previous unrelated jobs were unless you can tell me why they’re useful to this job. If you worked in a shop, and you’re applying for an office job which involves talking to lots of people, don’t give me a list of stuff you did, write a sentence about how much you enjoyed working in a team to help everyone you interacted with and did your best to make them leave the shop with a smile. I want to know what makes you happy in a job, because I want you to be happy within the job I’m advertising.

Does the application pack say who you’ll be reporting to? Can you find their name on the company website? Address your application to them. It’s super easy and shows that you give enough of a shit to google something. 95% of people don’t do this.

Tell me who you are. Tell me what makes you want to get up in the morning and go to work and feel fulfilled. Tell me what you’re looking for, not just what you think I’m looking for.

I will skim your CV. If you have a bunch of bullet points, make every one of them count. Make the first one the best one. If it’s not interesting to you, it’s probably not interesting to me. I’m overworked and tired. Make my job easy.

“I work well in a team or individually” okay cool, you and everyone else. If the job means you’ll be part of a big team, talk about how much you love teamwork and how collaborating with people is the best way to solve problems. If the job requires lots of independence, talk about how you are great at taking direction and running with it, and how you have the confidence to follow your own ideas and seek out the insight of others when necessary. I am profoundly uninterested in cookie-cutter statements. I want to know how you actually work, not how a teacher once told you you should work.

For an entry-level role, tell me how you’re looking forward to growing and developing and learning as much as you can. I will hire genuine enthusiasm and drive over cherry-picked skills any day. You can teach someone to use Excel, but you can’t teach someone to give a shit. It makes a real difference.

This is my advice for small, independent orgs like charities, etc. We usually don’t go through agencies, and the person reading through the applications is usually the person who will manage you, so it helps if you can give them a real sense of who you are and how you’ll grab hold of that entry level position and give it all you’ve got. This stuff might not apply to big companies with actual HR departments - it’s up to you to figure out the culture and what they’re looking for and mirror it. Do they use buzzwords? Use the same buzzwords! Do they write in a friendly, informal way? Do the same! And remember, 95% of job hunting (beyond who you know and flat-out nepotism, ugh) is luck. If you keep getting rejected, it’s not because you suck. You might just need a different approach, or it might just take the right pair of eyes landing on your CV.

And if you get rejected, it’s worthwhile asking why. You’ve already been rejected, the worst has already happened, there’s really nothing bad that can come out of you asking them for some constructive feedback (politely, informally, “if it isn’t too much trouble”). Pretty much all of us have been hopeless jobseekers at one point or another. We know it’s shitty and hard and soul-crushing. Friendliness goes a long way. Even if it’s just one line like “your cover letter wasn’t inspiring" at least you know where to start.

And seriously, if you have any friends that do any kind of hiring or have any involvement with that side of things, ask them to look at your CV with a big red pen and brutal honesty. I do this all the time, and the most important thing I do is making it so their CV doesn’t read exactly like that of every other person who took the same ‘how-to-get-a-job’ class in school. If your CV has a paragraph that starts with something like ‘I am a highly motivated and punctual individual who–’ then oh my god I AM ALREADY ASLEEP.

wilson + looking at house

👅Real Life Hoe Tips👅

1. This SHOULD go without saying, but wash your vag and ass before hooking up. Use a mild unscented soap with water, or an OBGYN approved wash like Summer’s Eve (warning: products like Summer’s Eve do a great job of cleaning your pussy, but because they absorb some of your natural moisture, they may make you less wet during sex. Try washing yourself an hour or two before having sex, and use lube just in case.)

2. Do kegels (squeeze your vaginal muscles) when ya man is fucking you. It makes it tighter for him, and less likely for you to queef.

3. On queefing: it’s literally just air escaping your vagina from being fucked too fast in a certain position. Yes, it makes an embarrassing sound, but any mature man will know that its totally normal and nothing to be grossed out by. To lessen their occurence, do kegels (both during and not during sex) to strenghten vaginal muscles, arch your back more, slow down the sex pace a little, and try positions that it doesnt typically happen in (doggystyle is usually the most queef-likely position).

4. Make👏your👏blowjobs👏wet👏as👏fuck👏. Literally slobber or slowly spit on the dick while going down on him. It makes it feel better for him, and it makes it easier for you to slide it down ya throat.

5. If you can’t deepthroat: do #4 above, and suck on the head while jacking off the shaft. Drives them crazy.

6. Make eye contact while sucking dick every once in a while. I like to look him dead in the eye as I run my tongue up his shaft, from base to tip.

7. When deepthroating, swirl your tongue around the base of his shaft for extra stimualtion as you take him in and out of your mouth.

8. Never ever ever use teeth on his dick or balls unless he specifically tells you to.

9. Be careful with his balls; don’t squeeze or suck too hard. I actually dont even touch the balls unless he asks me to, every guy is different in terms of sensitivity down there.

10. Before hooking up, rub a vanilla-scented lotion on your ass cheeks, inner thighs, tits, and upper pubic mound. This’ll make your most sexual areas smell amazing, and husky smells like vanilla are proven to be more of a turn on (these smells trigger release of endorphins). Note: DO NOT PUT SCENTED LOTION ON YOUR VULVA OR ASSHOLE.

11. Eating pineapples and cranberries make your pussy taste sweeter.

12. If you shave your pussy, make sure to use a fresh blade, shave in a diagonal/horizontal direction against hair growth, and pat your pubic mound with tea tree oil after shaving for a smooth kitty.

13. Shave your asshole too: I prop my leg up against the tub/counter and go at an angle that way. There really is no perfect system to doing this unfortunately.

14. Brush your teeth or chew some gum before sex. Basic hygiene, people.

15. This is gonna sound weird as fuck, but stretch before sex. Make sure your legs are warmed up before going over to hookup, because y'all don’t even know how painful it is the next morning after having your legs being spread farther than should be physically possible.

16. Talking dirty can take your sex game farther than you’d imagine. Use little phrases like “you eat/fuck this pussy so good,” “I love this cock of yours,” “just like that,” “you feel so good inside me,” “i love how big you are,” “you’re gonna make me cum all over this dick/face,” “your cock tastes so good,” etc etc etc.

17. Things to do while fucking in missionary, moan in his ear, gently bite/lick his ear, kiss his neck, bite his collarbone, whisper “fuck” whenever he hits a good spot, run your nails up his arms/back, run your fingers through his hair, etc.

18. Don’t just lay there while he gives it to you; throw your ass back on that dick during doggystyle, rise your hips against him during missionary, meet his thrusts for a deeper fuck.

19. Keep a hairtie with you at all times if you have longer hair. Throwing your hair up makes it get in the way a lot less.

20. Don’t pressure your partner into doing something they aren’t comfortable. If you aren’t sure about whether or not they’re okay with something, literally ASK “Is this okay?” “Does this feel good?” “Do you want to _________?” “Tell me where you want me, baby.” Consent should not be a mood killer.

21. When blowing a dude, moan around his dick once in a while. The vibrations feel good for him, and letting him know you’re also having fun pleasing him can be a huge turn on.

22. Play with your clit while he’s fucking you. Not only does this provide more stimualtion for you, it makes your pussy wetter for him, and gives him a nice view.

23. Pee after sex.

24. Always always always use protection. If he doesn’t wear a condom, and you don’t have your own contraceptives, don’t fuck. You can always just go down on each other and call it a night.

25. If he fucks without protection, buy Plan B as soon as possible. The sooner you take it, the more likely it will work. It’s available in any local pharmacy, usually near the pads, tampons, and condoms. $50 is a small price to pay for avoiding an untimely pregnancy.

26. Pulling out does not mean you can’t get pregnant. Precum can have residual sperm cells left over from previous ejaculations, even hours later. While the chances of getting pregnant from precum are slim to none, use protection just in case.

27. Drawing out foreplay as long as possible can make for fantastic sex. Give him a massage, suck his dick nice and slow, tease him, strip slowly, feel each other through your clothes. Building up that tension can lead to a mind-blowing fuck.

❤That’s all for now hoes, have fun and be safe❤

Health, Skin care, & Beauty tips pt.I💋💋 ©reds to @AmbitionVEVO on twitter!

You're miserable, and you're lonely, and you're going to trap me here to keep me every bit as miserable and lonely too!

4x12 || annabelle--cane || 2x19 || our song - rainbow kitten surprise || 8x20 || r/AmItheAsshole || 7x16 || anonymous || 3x22 || do your worst - the happy fits || 2x16 || ask polly || 8x16 || it's all futile! it's all pointless! - wilbur soot || 4x12

good morning tumblrinas

Tumblr staff is taking no-nut november way too seriously

ya’ll for real though, if you don’t own a bathtub and wanna do those “soak in apple cider vinegar” things, get a spray bottle (dollarstore sells ‘em) and put 2/1 ratio of water and vinegar and sit in your shower, lean foreword and let the spray hit your back, and spritz your cooch with the mist and let it soak it in a while before you rinse it