Psychological Abuse - Blog Posts

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yandere!yuta okkotsu x reader

warnings: emotional abuse, manipulation, gaslighting, implied violence, psychological trauma, disassociation, yandere themes

wc: 318

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he doesn’t yell when he’s angry.

that would be too easy.

yuta okkotsu punishes in silence. with hands that don’t bruise, but hold too tight. with eyes that watch you fall apart and never look away.

he enjoys it.

he enjoys me—my pain, my fear, my confusion. i see it in the way he smiles when my voice cracks. in how he cups my face so tenderly after a breakdown he caused, whispering, “there you are… you always look so honest when you’re crying.”

he tells me it’s because he loves the real me.

but what he really loves is the version of me he’s carved out with fear.

every time i try to stand up for myself, to push back, to breathe—he lets me. he watches me rage, scream, cry—and then when im exhausted, shaking, back against the wall—he kneels beside me like a savior.

“shh… that’s it,” he murmurs, wiping my tears. “you got it out. i'm proud of you.”

he says he’s proud when I fall apart.

because that’s the version he’s in love with. the girl who can’t leave. the girl who only survives when she’s in his arms.

and when i stop fighting?

he’s sweeter than anyone i've ever known.

he’ll brush my hair. run me a bath. feed me by hand like I’m something precious and weak.

“see? isn’t it easier when you don’t resist?”

he calls it love.

but it’s not love.

it’s ownership wrapped in soft words and bruiseless hands. it’s the way he tilts his head when I disassociate, studying my emptiness like it’s beautiful.

“i like when you go quiet like that,” he once said. “you look peaceful.”

i wasn’t peaceful.

i was gone.

lil description for my story

Hagarin never expected her life to become a story worth telling. Born into an ordinary existence, her reality twists when she discovers her fate as a time traveler-one with no map, no prophecy, and no warning for what comes next As her twin sister Hanari once said: "You've got a hell of a story to tell." With each jump through time, Hagarin sees the world through fractured glimpses: memories that aren't hers, tragedies she can't stop, and horrors she must survive.

From battles against monsters and violent self-defense to heart-wrenching losses and fleeting moments of love, every fragment shapes the tale she's destined to live-and the one she's meant to tell. This is a story of fractured futures, untold horrors, fleeting romances, and the weight of knowing too much.

Dead Dove: Do Not Eat.

proceed to Prologue

Chain the Past

by: fairystar111

Rating: Gen

Fandom: Boku no Hero Academia

Summary:

Some people will do anything for the ones they love Throw away their morals just for the chance to see them again Others don't get that choice and are taken anyways

Characters: Katsuki Bakugou, Momo Yaoyorozu, Mezou Shouji, Eijirou Kirishima, Iida Tenya, Shinso Hitoshi, Tomura Shigaraki, Dabi | Touya Todoroki, Hawks | Keigo Takami, Spinner | Suuichi Iguchi, Kurogiri, Magne | Kenji Hikiishi, Mr.Compress | Sako Atsuhiro, Himiko Toga, Twice | Jin Bubaigawara.

CW/Tags: Kidnapping, Emotional Manipulation, Phycological Abuse, Possessive Behavior, Dehumanization, Humiliation, Torture, Prison, Rehabilitation, Non-Sexual Grooming.

Start/Previous/Next

After their capture on Mount Yama the rest of class 1-A were rounded up and brought to a large prison-like facility. To their surprise they were clothed, fed and each given places to sleep and times where they were allowed out of their rooms to see each other. Their living conditions were nowhere near as bad as they thought they would be, except for the heavy quirk suppressors around their ankles. Once a day they were all gathered in the common area and an instructor would come in to teach them classes on how they are going to reintegrate into society once released. They were taught about their new government they would be under once they were released and other careers available to them now that being heroes was off the table. They were told since they are children they are given more chances for rehabilitation than adults would have. But that doesn’t mean when they get out of here they can keep on rebelling forever. There have already been cases of former hero students being executed for continuous misbehavior. For example a couple months ago three former hero students from Shiketsue were executed despite being children because they kept trying to start mass rebellions and would not give up no matter how many times they were caught and brought in for reeducation. The class was told to think long and hard about their choices once their year of rehabilitation is over because their new government is not as soft as their old one. 

The remaining fifteen students were gathered in a circle on a large rug in the center of the common room listening intently to their instructor. In one month their reeducation will be over and they will need to decide what they will want to be doing going forward in life. They will all be enrolled in a public high school overseen by the government and will have to pick a new career their education will be tailored to. Since they were previously heroes their education will be closely monitored to make sure they stay on the right path. Which might sound overbearing but it's really a good thing apparently they will have much more opportunities to succeed in their chosen field than normal students since their government wants to deter any remaining heroes from rebelling any further.

“I want you to think about this clearly, you only have one more month left to decide your futures. I want to see you all succeed and grow past this part of your lives. I don’t want to see any of you killed for rebelling against the government. Now feel free to use the rest of your free time to discuss your chosen careers with each other. Those of you who are still not sure can always come and ask me for help.” Said their instructor, a kind older woman who treated them well despite their past status as criminals. They didn’t notice her sending a message out on her device as she walked out of the room. 

“So… what are we going to do?” Sero asked, breaking the silence their instructor had left behind.

“It’s not like there's much we can do, our only options are conform or die.” Jirou muttered bitterly. It’s not fair that they trained so hard to get into UA only for it all to be ripped away after a couple of months.

“Well I am not going to die like those Shiketsu students. Sorry guys but if the options are to live a normal life or die a hero then I'm out. I don’t know what I'm going to do but I don’t want to die.” Kaminari replied shamelessly. Even if his classmates want to go on to fight after their time is up he won't be joining them.

“You're giving up just like that?” Shinso asked, frustration bleeding into his voice. The rest of these damn kids didn't even have to try to get into the hero course and they're just quitting like it didn't even matter. While he actually had to fight for his rightful spot among them only for a war to break out a month later outlawing heroes. It's not fair.

“I mean yeah there's no more heroes left in the country to fight, all of them either died or fled during the war. What are we even supposed to do? We're just a bunch of first years who had a couple of months of hero training. We’d be killed instantly if we tried to fight against Shigaraki’s army.” Kaminari said, arms raised defensively. Don't get him wrong he would love to be a hero if he could but that's just not an option anymore.

“It's true. The fight is over. We lost. Get over it. We're just going to have to get used to this shit; this is the new normal there's no going back.” Bakugo barked. While it sucks that he’ll never get to be the number one hero, Katsuki prides himself on his adaptability. He’ll pick a new profession and be number one at that instead. Maybe he’ll go into the police force or be a chef who knows but whatever it is he'll kickass and be the number one in whatever field he puts his mind into.

“I know it's just… being a hero has always been my dream and I had worked so hard in the sports festival to be recognized by Aizawa only for it all to be ripped away as soon as I started my training. I just don't know what to do anymore.” Shinso snapped eyes teary and voice sounding choked up. Being a hero was his future, he doesn't have any family to go back to like most of these kids. He doesn’t want to start over and find a new dream because of this dream he found Aizawa and got to trained under him. The man even agreed to be his permanent foster placement for the rest of his time at UA when he found out his foster family was going to move him three hours away. He had come to look up to the man as a father figure but now that they can’t be heroes he doubts his mentor will want anything to do with him. He doesn’t even know where he is right now or what his new future will hold. 

“It’ll be alright Shinso. We’ll find new dreams to pursue together! I want to be a dancer or maybe an idol! I'm not sure yet but we'll figure it out together!” Mina said with a smile on her face, clasping a comforting hand on the boy's shoulder trying to lift the room's sullen mood.

“Yeah! If I can't be a hero I want to be a professional baker and open my own bakery.” Satou said confident in his choice. He loved baking just as much as being a hero and had planned to do it as a side gig anyway.

“I was torn between being a hero and a musician back in middle school. I guess the choice is clear now.” Jirou voiced her opinion, still bitter at the lack of choice they were being given.

“I wouldn’t mind being a veterinarian or being a wildlife rehabilitator.” Koda whispered. Even if he can't be a hero he’d still like to use his quirk to help as many animals as he can.

“I’d like to continue training in martial arts so maybe running my own dojo can be the career for me.” Ojiro added. 

“Guys it's great that you are all optimistic about your futures but are we really just going to move on and forget our friends who were taken and are being held captive by the League of Villains?! That is so not manly.” Kirishima interrupted, outraged that they could leave their friends on their own when they needed their help most.

“It's not like we want to forget about them shitty hair but we don’t exactly have the manpower to break them out or the authority to even visit them. Those fuckers are being kept under lock and key by the league. We’ll probably never see them again.” Bakugo growled. Of course shitty Deku had to get himself kidnapped by the most powerful man in the world after Katsuki had promised All Might he would look out for him. Now how's he supposed to keep his promise when he can’t find the fucker?

“I too wish to see my dear friends but there is simply no way for us to have access to them.” Tenya said solemnly, his entire friend group had been taken, not a single member left behind except for him.

“Now I wouldn't say that. ” the raspy voice of Shigaraki Tomura  interrupted their conversation, as the man himself walked through the doorway with the rest of his band of misfits. A thick blanket of silence poured over the room as they were subjected to the scrutinizing stares of their jailors. The villains had clearly been eavesdropping on their conversation.

“What cat got your tongue? You were all so lively just a second ago. Where are the brave little tots I remember seeing fighting on the battlefield?” Compress purred, teasing smile widening when he saw the kiddies begin to tremble and move closer to each other.

“What the fuck are you doing here?!” Bakugo demanded the only one of his classmates brave enough to speak.

“What can’t an evil overlord visit his prisoners. You all shouldnt be so frightened unless you were planning on doing something naughty. You wouldn't be trying to invoke my wrath would you? I’m sure you heard all about the Shiketsu bra-AK! Hey what was that for?!” Shigaraki whined when Dabi kicked him in the shins. Okay maybe he was getting a little carried away. But it was just so fun to see former heroes turn into trembling little pups at his feet.

“Tomura, stop scaring the brats, we don't need them wetting themselves before we tell them our offer.” Dabi groaned, snorting at the pout Tomura sent his way.

“Dabi, don't kick your brother. Tomura, stop glaring at him, he does have a point.” Kurogiri scolded his boys. No matter how old they get, his brats still bicker like children.

“Fine you heard him brats, we have a proposition for you to consider since you're going to be finishing your program soon.” Tomura said with a serious face no sign of the pout he had on earlier. 

“What kind of proposition?” Bakugo asked with a sneer.

“Well there is a third option besides living a ‘normal life or dying a hero’ you could become our guards. As a guard the most important job you will have will be watching over our children. We're delegating this task to you lot because you are already trusted and liked by the children in our care and are young enough to be raised and molded into ruthless loyal guard dogs ready to serve in protecting our brats. You’ll also have other tasks but those are dependent on your master so they vary from person to person since each one of us will be personally training you one on one. Any volunteers? We prefer you to come willingly but if not we've already set our eyes on a few of you.” Tomura explained, eyes lazily gliding up and down Bakugo’s form.

“Question: if we accept your proposition, will we still be able to roam freely in the outside world to visit our families and such?” Iida asked, considering the proposition but not willing to abandon his family.

“You're not going to slaves brats, you're going to complete your schooling and training with us in dorms at our manor but you will still have free time and days off when you are not needed. Then eventually when you are old enough you will be paid a salary and have a set schedule. Any more questions?” Dabi replied.

“Will we still be able to be regular friends with them?” Kirishima questioned.

“To a certain extent you will be, it'll be good for them to be around more people their age. The whole reason you are being picked at all is because you have had a previous friendship with our kids. But you won’t just be hanging out with them, you will be working so you’ll have to be on guard and ready to attack and protect. You can’t do that if you are fooling around. This is a job, you are now their subordinate, things will be different. You also can not under any circumstances interfere with their training. When you are guarding them you are not allowed to speak about or react to any of the changes you see. There will be serious consequences if any of you cause any regression to the training they already received.” Tomura answered harshly. Izuku is already hard enough to deal with as is, he doesn't need these brats ruining his progress.

“Now which of you would like to serve in protecting our children?” Kurogiri asked. The mist man had no interest in guards for himself; he's just here to keep his kids in check and pick up a surprise for a friend. 

Silence washed over the room fifteen sets of eyes warily watching each other, silently wondering who would be stupid enough to volunteer for something like that? The league basically just want attack animals. Why can't they just use noumus instead? Why do they have to be the ones to do it?

“I'll do it,” Katsuki barked. He was only doing this to fulfill All Might's dying wish. It’s like he actually cares about the nerd or anything…

“And which one of us would you like to be your master?” Compress asked. 

“Tch as if I'd have a master… I'll take the hands bastard since he's the one keeping Dek- Izuku.” Katsuki muttered not liking that he has to bow down to shitty villains just to keep his promise to All Might.

“Hmm, are you sure you can handle me? If you're going to be guarding my little brother you're going to be put through the most intense and brutal training of your life until I decide you're ready to serve. You better think twice before agreeing because I'll drag you through the depths of hell and just when you think it can't get any worse you'll be pushed even farther.” Shigaraki said with a cruel smile on his face. Once he's through with that ill mannered pup he'll be the picture of obedience. 

“Tch everything I do is A+, I can take anything you throw at me and come out on top. You want a guard, I'll be his undefeatable champion. I’ll kill anyone or anything standing in his way and I'll do it without breaking a sweat.” The vulgar boy snarled. Katsuki has always been the best at everything all his life if this crusty fucker wants a guard he’ll be the best damn guard that ever lived.

“Very well I expect you to live up to those standards.” Tomura smirked, pleased with the boy's words, motioning him to come stand by his side. He's had his eye on Bakugou since the Sports Festival, he knows a vicious beast when he sees one and that boy has the potential to be a real danger. He’s glad the heroes didn't have enough time to properly train him on their side now he can train him to be a ferocious guard dog loyal only to him. 

“Well one down four to go…” Spinner spoke slightly jealous that Shigaraki got the most feral kid out of the bunch to be his guard. 

The rest of the kids looked angsty about having four more of their classmates being taken by the League especially since guards will be taken to live in dorms with the league, they'll likely never see those chosen again. 

“I would also like to volunteer to protect one of my classmates.” Tenya spoke loudly, cutting through the silence. 

“Oh I know! I know! You're Ochaco’s friend huh, you want to serve us right?” Toga announce bouncing up and down. She had seen pictures of this classmate along with Izu-chan on Ochaco’s phone.

“Yes If I may,” Tenya said bowing. He had failed to protect his brother from villains in the past. He will not allow anymore harm to come to his friends even if they can’t be heroes anymore Tenya will still find a way to protect them.

“What do you think dad?” Toga asked Twice. In her opinion any of these kids could be turned into something dangerous with enough training but she’ll leave it up to her dad to make the final decision. She trusts his judgment most.

“Hmm I don’t know, he doesn't look too strong. He’s too weak, no way are we taking him! I'm not sure he'll be able to protect Ochako when we're away. She’ll get killed with him guarding her! ” Jin answered honestly. The blue haired boy looked lanky and pale, lacking any real muscle or strength.

“He does look kinda shrimpy...” Toga said, the boy in question wilting under the scrutinizing eyes of the father-daughter duo.

“Hey now, don't be too mean! He may not look like much after months in captivity but he comes from the Iida family. They were a long line of powerful heroes who utilized speed to fight. I'm sure you can train the kid to be a proper knight to protect your precious little princess.” Hawks teased knowing Jin was being overly judgmental because of his tendency to be super overprotective over Ochaco. The man was usually kind to all except when it came to matters regarding his little princess; anyone who wanted to interact with her had to go through him first.

“If it's his quirk you don't like I can always switch it for something else. He will just take longer to train with a brand new quirk rather than one he’s had all his life.” Shigaraki offered, watching the boy’s face pale in horror at the possibility of having his quirk taken from him.

“Thanks Shiggy! We should do that! ” Twice thanked the young man before turning to face the boy with an uncharacteristically serious face.

“Will you be Ochaco’s sword and shield? He’s too soft and wimpy! Will you train until you are worn down to your bones and collapse for her? Of course he can't! Will you be able to neutralize enemies quickly and efficiently on your own? He looks like he couldn't even kill a bug! Are you willing to do anything it takes to keep my daughter safe? Yeah are you? ” The blonde man said in a grave tone despite his alter ego blurting out contradictions.

“Yes sir, I am willing to put my life on the line to ensure Uraraka’s safety.” Tenya responded earnestly.

“Alright I'm taking a chance on you kid, don't make me regret it. He totally will! ” Jin replied.

While Twice and Toga were busy interrogating Iida off to the side, a soft apprehensive voice spoke up. 

“Um If I may I would like to volunteer to be Todoroki’s guard” Yoayorozu meekly spoke up ignoring the looks her classmates were throwing her way. She knows she probably has lived the easiest life out of all her classmates and if she doesn't volunteer she could continue to live as a carefree heiress but she just can’t do it anymore. All her life she has been part of the upper crust. In that kind life people turn a blind eye to abuse so long as the abuser is rich and powerful. She’s seen the Todoroki family at many events throughout her life, she seen the way people's eyes glossed over the bruised bodies and constant flinching; she even did it herself though she was just a child. She won’t do it any longer, this time she’ll stand up and protect him even if it's years too late. It's the least she can do for never speaking up before, Shouto deserves to be protected and she'll be the one to do it. 

“Eh? What’s a cutesy little thing like you going to do against an enemy? How are you going to protect Shouto when you can’t even protect yourself? I've seen the footage of you at the sports fest. You were eliminated within seconds by Kei’s fledgling. How can I trust you not to be killed within seconds and leave Shouto defenseless against an enemy?” Dabi sneered, honestly most of the brats looked pretty weak but these were the cream of the crop of hero students, they were predicted to be this generation's most powerful line of heroes. A class is only as strong as their weakest link so even if this girl is the weakest out of the bunch she’ll at least be better than any outsider he could hire for the job. Plus she’s still young and malleable; she can be raised and molded to be anything his heart desires. 

“I c-can protect him! I-i promise I will this time! I ca-” The raven haired girl stuttered pathetically,

“You’ll what? What can a pathetic little tyke like you even do?” Dabi snarked. Huh maybe it’s a good thing she can look so pathetic. She'll be able to look like an easy target before going in for a kill; the kid might be useful after all.

“I can create many things with my quirk to fight, capture or…neutralize. If you just let me prove myself to you-” Yaoyorozu’s frantic rambling was cut off by Keigo once again coming to the defense of the former hero students. He needs them to put their trust in him after all he will be helping most of them with their training. He needs them to believe that he is on their side and still the Hawks they used to know.

“Sheesh Dabi have a little faith in her, she's the Yaoyorozu heir. Her quirk is creation: she can create anything she knows the chemical composition of. If we train her to use it properly it will be like she is using multiple quirks without all the negative side effects the noumus get. She’ll be able to create any weapon or poison you could think of and more. She’ll have a versatile unpredictable fighting style that won't be able to be countered easily.” Keigo boasted about the girl's potential to his mate.

“C’mon Touya, stop ragging on the poor thing. She’ll need a lot of training but I'm sure she can do it.” Keigo murmured into his mate's ear.

“...Fine, I’ll take her but you need to get a tougher guard for your chick. I doubt she’ll be enough to protect both of them.” He’d prefer a more fierce and self assured brat rather than the trembling insecure pup at his feet but based on Keigo’s analysis she could prove to be useful. She's going to need a lot of training before she could be considered a guard, especially on her personality and how she carries herself. He can already tell she's quite delicate and insecure and that will not do; She’ll need to be trained ruthlessly to get the results he’s looking for. No one will be able to tell that she was once a spoiled prissy little thing when he’s through with her.

This went on for a while, each maining member vetting and prodding each child to see if they would make suitable bodyguards. Eventually Hawks decided on Shouji for his strength and reconnaissance skills. While Spinner went with Kirishima for his strength and conviction. Magne decided against getting a guard claiming she would get too attached and make them her kid instead. And Mr.Compress chose not to pick from this group claiming that Monoma would not react well to having a kid from this class guarding him.

Just as the remaining members of class 1-A were going to release a sigh of relief at not being chosen, a sentence was uttered that shot icy dread through their stomachs.

“Don’t relax just yet little heroes, we're not done here. We still need one more of you.” Dabi taunted.

“What?! But you said you would only needed five of us to be guards.” Kaminari shouted in indignation, letting out a frightened squeak when crimson eyes turned towards him. 

“We never said we were only going to take five kids, we just said we needed five guards.” Hawks spoke playfully. 

“What will you do with those you take if you are not hiring them?” Iida asked as the remaining eleven kids stayed silent in terror at the possibility of what they might face.

“Calm down brats, we're just picking up something we missed the first time around. Kurogiri hurry up and get the kid you're looking for. I'd like to get the brats settled in the dorms and ready to train as soon as possible.” Tomura whined impatiently.

“Patience Tomura. I will be done soon enough.”The mist man tutted, patting the boy's head. Golden eyes crinkling fondly when he felt the boy lean into the touch before turning to look at the lilac haired boy.. 

“Shinso Hitoshi, please come forward. To start off I want to offer my sincerest apologies for separating you from your father. At the time of your capture I was not aware you belonged to Shouta or I would have taken you along with him. As your uncle I have failed you and for that I am sorry.” The mist man’s eyes crinkled in adoration as he eyed the boy. He looked like a miniature Shouta, he even had the eye bags and perpetually sleepy look on his face to match. 

“Um, it’s okay?” Shinso answered awkwardly, quite confused about what the man was talking about.

“Yes, Shouta told me all about you and how he was planning to adopt you. If I had known you were one of us, you would have never been brought to this facility.” In reality the man had overheard Shouta telling Hisashi his worries about the boy and decided to come get him as a surprise and an incentive for good behavior. Shouta still doesn't trust him, but soon enough he’ll fall, especially with the boy there to help.

“What exactly is one of us? I'm not a damn villain and I never will be!” Hitoshi shouted sick of being discriminated against for his quirk. 

Kurogiri could see why Shouta picked this boy; he's just as feisty as he was at that age. He was too cute like a sleepy kitten trying to look fierce but failing miserably. 

“You are a part of the family. You are part of our precious collection of children. If I had known you were one of ours, you would have been brought home and been cherished like all the other children have been. I'm sorry you've been in here for so long when you could have been home with us this whole time.” The man apologized sincerely, ignoring the horrified look on Shinso’s face. 

“Well don't dwell in the past, I'm fine here, I don't need to be coddled and locked away in an unknown location. You can just leave me here to finish my program and move on with my life.” The purple haired boy snapped harshly. If he’s being honest the man is really starting to creep him out. He wants nothing to do with whatever is happening to his classmates right now even if he could get to see Aizawa. He wished he could see his mentor again but not if it means he’s going to be locked away and “cherished”...whatever that means.

“You don't have a choice, you are coming home whether you like it or not. Now stay still.” Kurogiri spoke sternly as he pulled out a metal homing collar all their children wore. He thought the boy would be more excited to see Shouta, he was probably just anxious, Shouta struggled with anxiety when he was his age too. 

“What?! No, I'm not wearing that! I'm not a dog! And you don't get to decide where I go and what I do!” The boy shouted tears of frustration starting to build in his eyes. He didn’t want to be locked away in prison. He doesn't want government dogs breathing down his neck at school. He doesn't want to be locked away forever with these psychopaths. Why can’t everybody just leave him alone! He wants Aizawa back. He just wants his dad to make all the bad people go away.

“We own you, we decide everything for you. And I have decided that you need to come home and so you will.” Kurogiri spoke sternly, leaving no room for negotiation.

The man's voice was too calm, it was grating on Shinso’s ears, he was acting like Shinso was the crazy one for not wanting to be held captive for the rest of his life. For every step he took backwards the man followed forward patiently until his back hit the wall leaving no room for escape.

“Please you can't do this!” The boy cried, feeling the cold metal slide on the back of his neck. 

“I can and I will.” Kurogiri answered by clasping the collar shut and sedating the boy before he could have any more tantrums.

“I don’t…want to..go…” The boys cried as his vision faded and his body slumped forward into the waiting arms of his captor.

“Alright Tomura now we may leave.” Kurogiri spoke gently as he cradled the limp unconscious boy in his arms, opening a portal and motioning for the rest of the league to enter it. And they did each taking their prize leaving the remaining nine horrified kids behind marching forward never to be seen again. 

One year later…

They made it, they've been put through hell but they did it. They've managed to be adequate enough to the leagues standards to begin guarding their friends. The journey to becoming a guard was a tough one; they were constantly trained to the bone, humiliated, degraded, borderline tortured at times to get where they are. They've been trained to withstand the harshest conditions, go days without food or sleep, be able to fight deaf or blind, been forced to undergo procedures that put an inhuman amount stress on their bodies to force their quirks to evolve to their fullest potentials, they've had to learn to take a life as easily as breathing. And these are only some of the things they've had to endure. Dealing with this as well as full time schooling and their weird relationships with their captors almost broke many of them but they did it they're still standing tall and they won't fall, not when their friends need them most. They are nowhere near done with their training but they are at a sufficient level of training to start the job. 

They were lined up in the training room side by side, with each of their masters standing in front of them. 

“You did well brats, for a while there I thought you were going to drop dead or go insane. As a reward you will start officially on Monday you will be shadowing each of us and learning the ropes. Think of it as an internship. You still have a long way to go before you can be left to guard on your own.” Tomura said with something like pride shining in his eyes as he watched the brats perk up at the praise but none of them spoke a word. They've been trained to not speak unless spoken to directly. 

“Katsuki Bakugo come.” Tomura ordered, face incredibly smug when the boy did so without a thought.

“You exceeded my expectations. You completed the first portion of your training top of your class, you never broke nor faltered and for that you will be allowed to move forward and begin active duty.” Tomura spoke proudly. The boy was a fearsome predator, he took to his training like a fish in water. He never hesitated when using his quirk to blow skulls to pieces or fight to the brink of death. With his quirk evolved he was able to make explosions powerful enough to take out entire city blocks and release explosions from the soles of his feet. The boy's eyes had dimmed after his first kill; he almost lost all his spark but the light had come back after Tomura had spent some time praising and affirming that he was good and doing a good job. Who would have thought that such an aggressive boy would have such a weakness to physical affection and words of praise. Hero society had done quite some damage to the boy; it gave him both an inferiority and superiority complex that Tomura was happy to take advantage of. Now all he had to do was give the boy a head pat or tell him he did good and he’d practically melt.

“But first every dog needs their collar. Kneel.” Tomura smirked as the boy showed no reaction. 

Bakugo knows what this is, it's another one of their tests. He and his classmates have been through many before where they are humiliated, degraded, or downright mocked all to make them more apathetic and less reactive. He knows how to pass so he stays silent and keeps his eyes blank and facing forward. He doesn’t move a muscle as a thick black spiked leather collar is fastened around his neck with a garish silver bone shaped tag that reads Kacchan on one side and Shigaraki family guard on the other. He could feel his eyebrow begin to twitch in anger as he read the tag but quickly calmed himself down and smoothed out his expression. If Shigaraki saw how much this was bothering him he would never be allowed to see Izuku if he couldn’t keep his emotions in check. 

This happened to each of them one by one. They all were given accessories that boldly proclaimed them as property of the league and made the final bits of their dignity crumble away to dust . 

“Momo,” Dabi called out, nodding his head towards the spot in front of him, the girl followed the silent order instantly, silently stepping forward before kneeling at his feet. The scarred man had gotten tired of saying her mouthful of a last name and reluctantly began to use her first name after a couple of days training.

“You barely made the cut. You faltered almost every step of the way but somehow you're still standing. You never gave up and for that you’ll be allowed to move onto active duty with the rest of the brats. Don't make me regret it.” The girl had done poorly in almost all the training in the beginning. She had spiraled after her first kill so much that he thought he would have to find a new kid to train but despite it all she stood up and stayed strong. She learned she can release poisonous gasses from her skin and quickly kill someone if she covers their nose with the palm of her hand or sneakily slip poison into food or drinks of enemies. She also learned how to make various weapons in seconds and was trained to use them lethally and non-lethally. Dabi’s favorite being the flamethrower or missile launcher though he does really like the tank she can make through its impractical for most of the fighting they do. Through forceful quirk evolution she can now make things far larger than her own body like tanks or missiles big enough to bomb an enemy's entire territory. Just last week she blew up the hideout of a yakuza clan that had been stirring up trouble, killing everyone inside in one go. She has come quite far but she still has a long way to go in her training. 

“Yes sir,” The girl spoke softly, face flushing. It may not seem like it but this is high praise coming from Dabi. The collar fastened around her neck was lacy and delicate with a gold heart shaped tag with Momo engraved on the front and Himura family guard on the back. The style of the collar did not surprise her; it adds to the look her master wants her to have. She was a lethal beauty, trained to look innocent as can be but able to quickly neutralize enemies caught off guard by her allure.

“Come on Shouji, you know the deal.” The man spoke in a playful tone as he removed the boy's cloth mask and replaced it with a black leather face mask. The mask had a rectangular opening on the front with metal bars clearly displaying his mouth and a small metal plate on the side that simply read Takami family guard. It looked like something you would put on a dangerous animal. He knows the cut out was there to make him look more menacing but now everytime Shouji so much as spoke one of his biggest insecurities will be on show to everyone.

“You did well kid. I trust you can look after Fumi well. But don’t think you can slack off on your training just because you started guarding. I still want you to give me your all got it?”  The boy's strength was unmatched especially after his quirk was evolved he could  when he would wrap people up in his limbs and crush them like a boa constrictor and limitlessly create limbs and cut them off without flinching. Though Hawks favorite feature of his pet is what lies beneath his mask. Underneath the face covering Shouji was hiding a set of razor sharp teeth powerful enough to rip out an enemy's throat in seconds. 

“Yes sir” The multi armed boy replied solemnly, knife like teeth on display as he spoke. 

“Tenya Iida step forward. Run away! ” Twice ordered, the boy ran to take his place at his feet in a second. The boy despite his earlier scrawny state had bulked up quite easily once training had begun. He had been reluctant to kill in the beginning but after a punishment session with Toga he quickly changed his tune. He was taught how to use blades for fighting since his quirk is not as helpful for combat as others. After his quirk was evolved he sprouted another set of engines on the back of his arms to give him double the speed and force for attacks. He wasn't a powerhouse like some of the other kids but he doesn't need to be, he just needs to be able to hold off enemies long enough for reinforcements to arrive. 

“Ten-chan you can look after Ochaco now! Aren't you happy?” the girl squealed as she wrapped a leather choker around the boy's neck. The collar was red with a white lace border with a silver heart pendant dangling in the front that read Tenya on one side and Bubaigawara family guard on the other. The girl giggled as she saw Iida’s face flush in embarrassment at the collar she picked out for him. 

“Yes thank you both very much for this opportunity.” The boy replied, bowing his head towards the father and daughter. He hated his training and what he had to learn to do but this was his only way to see his friends so he had to do it. His friends need him now more than ever and he is going to protect them anyway he can even if he isn't a hero anymore.

“Kirishima, come up here for a sec. You did great, kid.” Spinner spoke as he put his chosen accessory around the boy's neck. The long silver chain had a dog tag on it with Shuichi family guard engraved into the metal. Spinner wasn't really into the same humiliating tactics the others used for training. He had been subjected to too much of that sort of stuff growing up as a mutant but the others were very adamant about putting a clear claim on the kids for their own safety so he decided on a simple chain for the redhead. Despite what it seems they really do like the kids and no one would dare put their hands on a child that is clearly property of the league. 

“Thank you sir!” Kirishima beamed. He really lucked out when it came to mentors from what he’s seen. Spinner is much kinder than the rest of the league. While the training was still bad he didn't like killing or having his quirk evolved, the gecko man hadn’t been as cruel as the others were to their kids. He had been trained in both swordsmanship and close quarters combat. Through his quirk evolution he could shed excess rocky shards of his body and launch them like projectiles. His body was basically indestructible now; they had tested that theory almost too thoroughly; he could take one of Yoayorozu’s missiles to the chest with only minor cracking. While he lacked long range attacks he could take almost any damage without getting hurt. 

“Alright brats get back in line!” Shigaraki barked, watching proudly as the kids orderly lined up backs straight and eyes facing forward. It looked as if they were statues. 

“From this point on there is no room for mistakes. You are going to be taking care of what is most precious to us. I expect perfection and obedience from all of you. If you step even a toe out of line you will be replaced and will never see your little friends again. With that in mind you will start tomorrow so training will be cut short. You may retreat to your dorms to rest.” Tomura ordered. Honestly he was exaggerating quite a bit if he’s being honest. He and the rest of the league have gotten pretty attached to their little guards but they can't know that. Sometimes they would slip up and smile at them fondly when they learned a new attack or ruffle their hair when they did well and the brats would get such a bewildered expression on their faces like they couldn’t believe what they were seeing. They can’t know yet they need to think they are expandable and replaceable by the time they find out it'll be too late. Being favored by the league is something you never want and can never escape…

As they marched out of the training room with only one thing on their minds: I will protect you no matter the cost…even if you hate me for it.

Start/Previous/Next

When abusive parents hurt you, they're not 'doing it for your own good' or 'disciplining you', they're singling you out and making you a target. Because they're not doing it to all other kids, they're not doing it to their guests, friends, coworkers, bosses, neighbours, it doesn't even count if all of those people make one of the same mistakes you do. It's allowed for them. It's okay if anyone else does it. It's okay if other people break things, or refuse to be controlled, or speak up, or demand something, or act selfish, or act childish, or don't cater endlessly, or don't guess their moods, or don't act submissive, it's okay for everyone else! Just not for you!

What exactly is that teaching you?

That you're different. That the brutal and torturous rules exist only for you. That you are the only one who deserves no allowances, no forgiveness, no gentleness, no tolerance, no nuance, no love. And you are the only one! Everyone else can get those things and do what they want, but you will get tortured for it, you'll get tortured even for things you didn't do, because these two people have singled you out and deserved that you're so rotten you deserve worse treatment than any other person alive. And those people are your parents, they made you.

It teaches you injustice, it teaches you to put yourself in a different category than anyone else in the world and to assume you must be so intrinsically different that you won't ever find community, you won't ever find somebody to be on your side or similar to you, because you are the only one who could ever deserve this kind of hatred. It separates you from humanity and makes you feel like you don't belong, like you don't have a home here, it makes you abandoned by everyone because nobody is stating anything different about you. With their silence, dismissal and neglect, everyone is passively agreeing that this is what you deserve. That it doesn't matter to them if you live in pain and despair because you're too different, too otherworldly for them to care about.

No child has deserved to feel like that. Nobody is supposed to be pushed into that pit of despair, injustice and pain, alone, with no visible way out. With nothing they can do to redeem themselves, to find a way to see themselves as human after all that's been done to them. This is not a pit that somebody can easily crawl out of, this is something that can follow you all your life.

All children deserve better than this. Never defend abusive parents when they do this to a child. If you don't want a child to believe themselves to be a monster, don't ignore when this is happening and don't act like it's none of anybody's business. It's all of our business to make sure no kid thinks this lowly of themselves, not even if their parents decide they should. Parents who do this to children should be charged with torture, isolation and psychological devastation of a human being. All children are human. And no child deserves that.

Did your abusive parents continually imply or say outright, that you're a burden not only on them, but also on all other people you interact with?

I had my parents warn me every time I was leaving the house that I was a nuisance and to not allow other people to 'feed me' because then I would be eating somebody else's food. There was a few times where I accepted a ride from my friend's parents, because I didn't dare to ask my own parents, and when they found out, they were outraged, furious and went on this big tirade about how I owe them gas money, how I spent resources that weren't mine, and was now in debt to those people, and they, my parents now had to go and make up for that debt (for the friend's parents, it was a 3 minute detour to pick me up, they were already driving their own kid).

I was discouraged from going anywhere because of how big of a burden I was on those people, and if I wanted to go to a friend's house, they would get mad and ask 'why do you have to go there, aren't we good enough for you', it was mind-boggling.

However it did force me, as a child, to continually believe I have to be extremely useful; at every house I went, I made a gift for them so they wouldn't be mad at me, and to pay my dues that I owe them for being at their place. I also didn't dare to ask for food or drinks anywhere because I believed that would make me a burden and put me in debt, and rides were considered basically unrepayable, and I had to depend on my parents for them, who would use them for blackmail every time. (you have to do whatever I say for 2 weeks, if you want that 15 minutes ride to the train station).

I only realized recently that they actively worked on making me feel despised and burdensome in every place I ever went, not only at my own home, and that it's the reason I never visit other people's houses anymore, and stick to myself in fear of being unwelcome.

Thank you! What a nice coincidence though :D

And I guess I was lucky today. Not only I stumbled over this post. I also found this youtube video:

https://youtu.be/R7dHN3aMN1E

And the first 5 minutes of it explains A LOT. Never was in all that celebrity stuff, even my homelands ones. So. No idea how it may work on the inside. What is seen as normal and most widespread.

But this? I never expected something like this. Why would they encourage this spoiled child behavior in their leads? It already more often than not comes to lead actors/actresses naturally.

That is so disappointing and frustrating to suddenly find out that things we all are used to work wrong at their core.

It breaks my heart every single time to find this things normalized and integrated. And the scariest thing is - no one cares to try and change it. It always takes so much courage to stand up against old and harmful systems even when they are obviously flawed.

This ladies and gentlemen, and everyone else, are the people who wrote off Dean and Castiel in the most disrepectful way. You wonder why? Roll the video. You see nothing wrong with these clips? Oh… i feel sorry for you. If you honestly think these people love and respect both Jensen but especially Misha  you are in the wrong. I am sorry but “jokes” and “funny” has its barriers. And the way Misha was treated all these years, the example above being only one from many, is just utterly disrespectful. For someone who works as hard as Jensen and Jared you are telling me this is the attitude he deserves? Saying he is “not as high quality” as the ‘duo’ of the show? I’m sorry but i cannot and will not have any respect for these kind of people.

Jensen Ackles and Misha Collins didn’t deserve this kind of attitude.

Exactly. The funny thing is if Misha is indeed constantly the butt of the joke he may he seen as an easy pray for others.

I'm not a fan, I rarely even watch panels or anything, but I'm a psychology student.

And it always bothered me how Misha is subdued by almost anyone else he is doing panel with despite being emotional and open person. From what I saw he is most comfortable with Alex out of all of them.

And all those stories about pranks and jokes, and how at the beginning Jensen and Jared were cold towards him despite pranking him even then. It may have lead to genuine friendships between the three of them, yeah, but it may have some side effects. Like Midha being seen as less by some people.

And the way he is being treated in this video? It is PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE, you hear me?! That is exactly what abuse looks like! Oh, it is really casual for everyone there, yeah, but it is exactly the point! What makes it worse is that the abuser(s?) are in position of literal power. That is how gaslighting works, for god's sake.

This ladies and gentlemen, and everyone else, are the people who wrote off Dean and Castiel in the most disrepectful way. You wonder why? Roll the video. You see nothing wrong with these clips? Oh… i feel sorry for you. If you honestly think these people love and respect both Jensen but especially Misha  you are in the wrong. I am sorry but “jokes” and “funny” has its barriers. And the way Misha was treated all these years, the example above being only one from many, is just utterly disrespectful. For someone who works as hard as Jensen and Jared you are telling me this is the attitude he deserves? Saying he is “not as high quality” as the ‘duo’ of the show? I’m sorry but i cannot and will not have any respect for these kind of people.

Jensen Ackles and Misha Collins didn’t deserve this kind of attitude.

Constantly being surrounded by people who have it worse than you so you don’t realize how bad it is until you mention something offhandedly that you thought was funny and someone looks at you and tells you that the thing you thought was good was actually bad and then you start thinking and remembering how everything wasn’t good at all and was actually very bad

Please don't ask me for relationship advice unless you are prepared to receive some truly upsetting information because some people are ready for the "He's exhibiting the literal textbook signs of a psychological abuser and you need to get away from him before he successfully cuts you off from your support network" talk and some people aren't

Things abusers do to sabotage you from leaving, or ‘Why you can’t just leave’:

Parental

convince you that you couldn’t survive without them and you wouldn’t be able to support yourself or make it out there alone

refuse to teach you survival skills, find excuses like 'you’re too clumsy, you’re not capable, you wont be able to do this’

convince you of 'catastrophic events’ that would take place if you were out there; homelessness, starvation, social rejection, failing at everything, financial struggles, kidnapping, murder

convince you that the world is a scary place and you’d be a failure and dead 'in the real world’

traumatize you to the point where you struggle to get thru the day, which now also makes it seem like you wouldn’t be able to make it on your own

talk you out of finding work, tell you about awful things that would happen to you if you went and found a job, try to make you to 'work for them’ or at least in the close area

if you find work, they claim a part or entirety of your income, making sure you don’t have escape money

regularly make you feel ashamed of not being able to be independant, and letting you know that only people who are able to be independant deserve to have freedom and place out in the real world

guilt-trip you to feel like you owe them caretaking because they raised you, so you’re owing them to stay and take care of them instead of living your own life

Emotional

complain about how 'everyone abandons them’ in order to make you feel like you’re just 'one of the bad ones who betrayed them’ if you think about leaving

every time you try to leave, they overwhelm you with a new incident, sickness or drama that makes it seem like you’re abandoning them in the middle of a tragedy

act overly attached to you, making sure you know that if you left, they wouldn’t know what to do without you, and they’d be heartbroken, but still they refuse to respect your boundaries

convince you that you’re “all they’ve got”, you’re special and unique to them, only you can understand and help them

love-bomb you until you’re attached and bonded to them to the point where leaving feels unimaginably painful because you’d be losing your closest person in the world

begging, pleading, acting like they gave you no reason to leave, promising to change, promising to do anything you’ve wanted to happen for a long time, making you feel like things are just about to get good and like they regret everything bad they’ve ever done

launching an attack on your persona, pointing out every time you did something 'bad’ and insisting that you’re actually the worst of the two, so you can’t blame them for anything

guilt trips; reminding you of everything they’ve done for you and how ungrateful you are, reminding you of all of the nice things you’ve said about them before, asking if it ever meant anything, accusing you of being heartless if you go, of never loving them, of mistreating them, accusing you of being toxic, deciding you’re hurting them on purpose if you leave

deciding you’re leaving because of their specific problem/situation/disability/illness that you’ve always been considerate and supportive about (another guilt trip)

say it’s “your fault they’ll never get better” with whatever you were helping them with

deciding you only want to leave because of your unhealthy trust issues or 'you push people away’ or 'misinterpret things because of your trauma’ and asking you to be honest with yourself

asking you to explain in detail why you feel the need to leave, only to attack your reasoning and explain it all away and minimize it to make it seem like you have no good reason for leaving

tell you that 'nobody will ever love you again’ if you leave

threaten to expose your most vulnerable secrets if you leave

threaten to hurt themselves if you leave

Psychological

gaslight you into doubting whether you’re abused, to the point where you feel like you’re exaggerating, going insane, remembering things wrong, and unsure if the problem is you or them

time an event of abuse specifically when you’re trying to work on something, or you’re immensely stressed and trying to meet a deadline, so you’d be too overwhelmed with fear/anger/grief, and can’t make your work in time

regularly having intense violent or dramatic reactions to your harmless behaviour, making you feel like you can’t predict what they’ll do if you leave or how that could end for you

support your codependency on them, or financially support your addiction, so you feel tied to them and have to go back to them in order to feel normal again

undermine and trash your work, imply or outright say your work is stupid, meaningless, badly done, and not worth doing, trying to discourage you from working

verbally assault you and criticize your work to the point where you start to feel anxious and upset whenever you’re working, making work a trauma trigger for you

punish you for 'lying to them’ if you fail to mention something, making it clear that you will get hurt every time you make any move they don’t like, which makes it even more scary to leave

threaten to make a suicide attempt if you leave

threaten to hurt you if you leave

threaten to report you and try to get you imprisoned for a real or imagined crime if you leave

threaten to have you admitted to a mental institution (or any other kind of institution) where you’ll be even more controlled

threatening your family members, loved ones, friends, and/or pets, saying horrid things they would do to them if you dared to disobey or leave

threaten to find you and drag you back and hurt you if you try to leave

say outright they’re going to kill you if you ever leave, or that they’d rather have you dead than gone

Social Isolation

create insecurities in your behaviour, repeatedly imply or claim you’re too loud, obnoxious, sensitive, crazy, stupid, clueless, demanding, nagging, until you’re worried that everyone is secretly judging you and the world feels against you

take apart your appearance until you feel too insecure and lose confidence in socializing or meeting new people, constantly feeling like you need to 'fix yourself’ first

demean and condemn your personality, appearance, social standing, finances, capabilities, to the point where they decide you can’t do any better than them and you should feel lucky anyone is tolerating you at all

inflict punishments on you for socializing or hanging out with new people; break your things, throw jealous tantrums, ask why they’re not enough for you, go thru your things, rage

violate your privacy and take away things you need in order for them to control when you’re allowed to have them

smear-campaign you; spread lies about what you were like to them so everyone sides with them, and blames you and tells you what to do (exactly what the abuser wants you to do)

turn your family members and friends against you, and make sure they’ll be unnaccepting of you and refuse to help you if you try to leave

Physical

Physically assaulting you if you do something they don’t want you to do, making it clear they’re going to hurt you for any attempt at leaving them as well

Physically assault you if you try, or say you’re going to leave

Inflict injuries on you that will prevent you from working/being independent

Stalking, making it known they can always find you and seek revenge if you dare to leave

Influencing other people to stalk you and let him know where you are and what you’re doing; making you feel like you’re always being watched and always surrendered by their influence

hurt themselves physically if you make an attempt, or even say that you’re leaving

attempt suicide if you make an attempt of leaving

attempt at murder if you try to leave

Financial

create and maintain a financial situation where they are the only one having income, and they’re able to control how much money you get to spend

withhold financial knowledge from you so you’d be clueless about their finances, and managing finances in general (you can’t get an idea of how much money it takes to get thru a month)

refuse to give you your right to keep your money separately from theirs

create financial trouble that you have to solve, taking up all of your savings in the process

take your money without asking, and the amount you’d never consent to, and they give you excuses and pretend it was 'necessary’

accuse you of 'spending irresponsibly’ as an excuse to confiscate or control the money you have on your person (or in your account)

throw a fit if they find out you have any money on you that they’re not aware of/have approved of (if you borrow or win or earn money that they didn’t give you)

make sure you’re overwhelmed with tasks and problems and emotional trauma, to the point where you don’t have a chance to get out and find a job, or go and look for resources for getting out of abuse

stand against you getting more education, or starting any new activities with people around you (making sure you don’t get any social connections that could lead to a job)

get you fired from a job by spreading lies or calling in and harassing the employer about you

forcing you to spend any money they know you have saved up, so you’d have no money to plan escape

It is NOT EASY to leave, and statistically it takes several attempts to leave an abusive situation. Be aware that it’s hard because they’re sabotaging your every step, not because you’re not doing enough. Abusers often wont show their abusive side until they’re absolutely sure that you have nowhere else to live, and no other place to go. All of the things on this list are psychologically damaging, and terrifying to live thru. All of this is abuse. Nobody has the right to tell you this is your fault. Keep trying. Keep fighting.

If you’re struggling to leave an abusive situation, here’s an article on How to Leave an Abuser.

skipping the first part because parent

 Desensitizing and normalizing abuse

This person has me seeing a lot of media with abuse in it, and compares it to their behaviour.

This person talks about abuse that is worse than what they're doing, to remind me how good they are in comparison.

I feel like I need to accept their views and be understanding to them or else I am a bad person

I've seen this person act awfully towards other people and I got used to the idea that it's normal and it might be me one day

I know this person thinks horrible things about other people, and I'm scared they'll think the same about me

This person thinks that not being tough and enduring abuse would make me a weakling

This person shows me that being a little rough and violent is just a joke and not a big deal

This person likes telling jokes in which they make fun of someone by humiliating or insulting them, and is convinces me it's just good fun

This person doesn't think their actions would affect someone strongly

This person doesn't seem to feel much guilt when they hurt me, even when I would be horrified to hurt someone else this bad

if someone complains about their behaviour, then that person is called oversensitive, or a killjoy

This person talks about horrible things they've been thru, even when i'm too young to perceive or understand it

This person thinks people who complain about abuse and violence are bad and weak, and just need to endure it and get over it already

This person thinks abuse victims are themselves to blame for participating

This person thinks victims of abuse secretly want it

Guilt-tripping and punishing

I feel like a bad and selfish person if I say no to them

This person explained to me that everyone else does this kind of thing too, and I am stupid if I refuse to do it

This person convinced me if I didn't accept what they do to me I would become spoiled, selfish and rotten, useless person and a burden 

This person says what they do is "tough love" and it's for my own good

I feel like I'm hurting this person if I don't give them what they need (want)

I owe obedience to this person, I am afraid to fail them

I feel if I don't do or think as this person says, I immediately lose all value in their eyes

If I try to resist this person, they compare me to everyone else who hurt them and make me feel horrible about myself

If I say no to this person, I will become useless in their eyes

If I try to resist this person, they will punish me, and start to resent me

No matter how much I resist this person, it makes things worse for me

No matter how much I resist this person, they wear me down and exhaust me until I can't fight them anymore

If I say no to this person, they ask again and again until I say yes, or make me do it by force

I feel too weak to resist them and I think it's my fault

I know I should resist this person, but I feel like they're only one who love me and I can't bear to lose them

I invested so much time and love in this person, I can't bear risking them leave me if I keep resisting them now

If I resist or confront this person, they ignore me for days/weeks and I feel they hate me

I don't feel like I have a choice but to keep doing what I'm told by this person

If I don't do what I'm told, things might escalate into violence and I am too scared to risk it

I'm scared of what they'll do to me, or themselves if I resist

this person explained to me that I'm silly for trying to resist them and what they want me to do is the right thing and I should do it, even if I feel unwilling

this person insists it's not a big deal what they're doing to me and that I shouldn't overreact to it

Isolation and secrecy

I feel uncomfortable telling anyone about what's happening between me and this person in private

I'm scared if I tell anyone, they wouldn't understand, or they would get angry at me for allowing for it to happen

I feel if I told someone, I would be blamed for everything that happened

I don't have many friends or people who would care about me

I'm scared if I told someone, the person doing this to me would make sure I was blamed

I don't want to be disloyal to this person, I know telling someone would make them look bad

I feel like I must keep everything a secret 

this person told me not to tell anyone

this person made threats to me if I told someone

I'm scared of what this person might do to me, or themselves, if I told someone

This person convinced me to get distance from my friends and family, and to not trust other people with anything that happens between us

Rules and terrorizing

I am not allowed to challenge this person, or doubt anything they say. Whatever they say is the truth must be accepted as such, even if I secretly think they might be wrong

I'm not allowed to make this person angry, or I might end up in more pain than I can handle

I'm not allowed to leave or abandon this person, it would make me feel so guilty it would be unbearable

I was allowed to defend myself from this person at the start but I'm forced to give in eventually

I've known this person to do awful things and they might do it to me

I'm aware of how much worse this person could do to me, they keep reminding me to be grateful their behaviour didn't escalate further and how it could

Arguing with this person escalates into insults, humiliation, threats and blackmailing

I'm scared of what this person might reveal to others about me

this person threatened to commit suicide or hurt/murder me if resist

I feel cornered and obliged to go along with this person's demands, to consider otherwise fills me with terror and guilt

I'm terrified of being abandoned by this person, even though being with them is very painful as well

I feel guilty about the things I've allowed this person to do to me, but I don't feel able stopping them from doing more in the future

33...its too much

Am I being groomed to accept abuse? Checklist

 This is the checklist for recognizing if you’re groomed into accepting abuse, this checklist doesn’t cover sexual grooming, and for sexual grooming click here. Bold the points that are true for you, italicize if you’re unsure. Even if sexual grooming isn’t covered here, the same methods are used in sexual grooming as well.

Creating an illusion of bond (this step can be skipped if they’re already a part of family and expect trust by default)

This person makes me feel important and special

This person claims they feel admiration and affection for me because of my maturity and intelligence, and that’s why they’re drawn to me even though it might look inappropriate

I am surprised this person would feel anything for me (because of age-difference, they’re a teacher/adult or otherwise authority figure, or because nobody else in my life thinks I’m worthy being cared for)

This person gives me special privileges

This person tells me personal secrets, and I am surprised they trust me with them

This person acts like they already knew me when they just met me, and acts like we’re very close already, even when there wasn’t much time spent together

This person considers me a part of their life very fast and I am flattered by it

This person was very quick to declare affection and love for me

This person shares intimate details of their life with me and I feel special for it

This person makes me feel like they’re the only one who really loves me

This person said they were the only one who really loves me

This person knows things about me nobody else knows

This person makes me feel at ease to talk about my trauma, even when I don’t feel like I could tell anyone else, they don’t judge me

This person seems to think the world of me right away

This person calls me affectionate nicknames that don’t match the length or type of our relationship

This person gives me presents and gifts out of nowhere and I feel indebted and grateful

I feel indebted to this person, even if I didn’t want the gifts they gave me

This person was there for me when no-one else was and I wont abandon them no matter what

This person praises and compliments me for everything I do they want of me, but their praise stops whenever I want to go against their word

Desensitizing and normalizing abuse

This person has me seeing a lot of media with abuse in it, and compares it to their behaviour.

This person talks about abuse that is worse than what they’re doing, to remind me how good they are in comparison.

I feel like I need to accept their views and be understanding to them or else I am a bad person

I’ve seen this person act awfully towards other people and I got used to the idea that it’s normal and it might be me one day

I know this person thinks horrible things about other people, and I’m scared they’ll think the same about me

This person thinks that not being tough and enduring abuse would make me a weakling

This person shows me that being a little rough and violent is just a joke and not a big deal

This person likes telling jokes in which they make fun of someone by humiliating or insulting them, and is convinces me it’s just good fun

This person doesn’t think their actions would affect someone strongly

This person doesn’t seem to feel much guilt when they hurt me, even when I would be horrified to hurt someone else this bad

if someone complains about their behaviour, then that person is called oversensitive, or a killjoy

This person talks about horrible things they’ve been thru, even when i’m too young to perceive or understand it

This person thinks people who complain about abuse and violence are bad and weak, and just need to endure it and get over it already

This person thinks abuse victims are themselves to blame for participating

This person thinks victims of abuse secretly want it

Guilt-tripping and punishing

I feel like a bad and selfish person if I say no to them

This person explained to me that everyone else does this kind of thing too, and I am stupid if I refuse to do it

This person convinced me if I didn’t accept what they do to me I would become spoiled, selfish and rotten, useless person and a burden 

This person says what they do is “tough love” and it’s for my own good

I feel like I’m hurting this person if I don’t give them what they need (want)

I owe obedience to this person, I am afraid to fail them

I feel if I don’t do or think as this person says, I immediately lose all value in their eyes

If I try to resist this person, they compare me to everyone else who hurt them and make me feel horrible about myself

If I say no to this person, I will become useless in their eyes

If I try to resist this person, they will punish me, and start to resent me

No matter how much I resist this person, it makes things worse for me

No matter how much I resist this person, they wear me down and exhaust me until I can’t fight them anymore

If I say no to this person, they ask again and again until I say yes, or make me do it by force

I feel too weak to resist them and I think it’s my fault

I know I should resist this person, but I feel like they’re only one who love me and I can’t bear to lose them

I invested so much time and love in this person, I can’t bear risking them leave me if I keep resisting them now

If I resist or confront this person, they ignore me for days/weeks and I feel they hate me

I don’t feel like I have a choice but to keep doing what I’m told by this person

If I don’t do what I’m told, things might escalate into violence and I am too scared to risk it

I’m scared of what they’ll do to me, or themselves if I resist

this person explained to me that I’m silly for trying to resist them and what they want me to do is the right thing and I should do it, even if I feel unwilling

this person insists it’s not a big deal what they’re doing to me and that I shouldn’t overreact to it

Isolation and secrecy

I feel uncomfortable telling anyone about what’s happening between me and this person in private

I’m scared if I tell anyone, they wouldn’t understand, or they would get angry at me for allowing for it to happen

I feel if I told someone, I would be blamed for everything that happened

I don’t have many friends or people who would care about me

I’m scared if I told someone, the person doing this to me would make sure I was blamed

I don’t want to be disloyal to this person, I know telling someone would make them look bad

I feel like I must keep everything a secret 

this person told me not to tell anyone

this person made threats to me if I told someone

I’m scared of what this person might do to me, or themselves, if I told someone

This person convinced me to get distance from my friends and family, and to not trust other people with anything that happens between us

Rules and terrorizing

I am not allowed to challenge this person, or doubt anything they say. Whatever they say is the truth must be accepted as such, even if I secretly think they might be wrong

I’m not allowed to make this person angry, or I might end up in more pain than I can handle

I’m not allowed to leave or abandon this person, it would make me feel so guilty it would be unbearable

I was allowed to defend myself from this person at the start but I’m forced to give in eventually

I’ve known this person to do awful things and they might do it to me

I’m aware of how much worse this person could do to me, they keep reminding me to be grateful their behaviour didn’t escalate further and how it could

Arguing with this person escalates into insults, humiliation, threats and blackmailing

I’m scared of what this person might reveal to others about me

this person threatened to commit suicide or hurt/murder me if resist

I feel cornered and obliged to go along with this person’s demands, to consider otherwise fills me with terror and guilt

I’m terrified of being abandoned by this person, even though being with them is very painful as well

I feel guilty about the things I’ve allowed this person to do to me, but I don’t feel able stopping them from doing more in the future

If you bolded and italicized 4 or more of the points of any but the first category, you have underwent some form of grooming. If you bolded and italicized more than 25 of the points, you have been thru extensive and extremely malicious grooming. Anyone put thru this would find themselves helpless and cornered, it is not your fault if you’ve been subjected to this, and you did not attract it into your life.

If you bolded a lot of things in the first category, but not the others, and this relationship is still new, be careful because they might start doing the second phase of grooming at one point. (If the relationship between you and this person already lasted for years and never escalated into any abusive or coercive behaviour, you can ignore that advice).

The conflicting feeling has returned.

You've been terrible to me and I want you to face consequences.

But you're in danger and I don't want anything awful happening to you.

But you've done so much to hurt me over the years.

But you've also done so much to help me.

You were apathetic towards my plight and my cries often fell on deaf ears.

I would help you if I could but my untreated and undiagnosed disorders and years of abuse have led me to a terrible mental state and I have no funds to help you.

My abuser needs to go to the hospital. They refuse. Their ailment could get worse. I have no car, nor license, nor insurance, nor funds and I cannot help them.

I would like to show just the smallest bit of mercy to my abuser, despite how often they refused to show me even a grain of it, but we are both helpless for the time being....

Narcissistic Trait Lists: A Dangerous Corner of the Web Breakdown Post

In my recent article about narcissistic trait lists, there was a demonstration of a tool that I find handy when trying to filter overly narcissistic people from those who are less damaging to my life, and the lives of others.

This tool is something that I call The Skeleton, which put simply, describes the basic framework in which the vast majority narcissistic of people operate, based on my own observations.

Parts of the skeleton have deeper meanings and interconnections that I said that I would write about, so here it is, my narcissistic Skeleton breakdown post.

Intense Staring

Unless they have been the victim of serious abuse and are not yet repaired, almost everybody has some sort of psychological Personal Boundary in place. This is even so for those who are particularly vulnerable, although that boundary is often not swiftly recognised as something that is being violated when it is. Intense staring is the eye on the target, looking for what those boundaries may be and in creepier but true terms, is the activity of the obsessive, early Reptilian Brain nature of the person in question out on display. 

The Triune Brain model explains things a little more, and is handy to know about for a basic understanding of diverse human behaviour, not just in history but also where we are now.

Inferiority and Superiority Imbalance

Superiority is Inferiority in disguise. If someone is cutting about as the be all and end all of a situation and it is not just tied to a genuine job role or achievement, then you have a guaranteed picture of the persons inner reality which is an exceptionally low self esteem. Super painful feelings of absolute inferiority spring from continual low self esteem states, which is the breeding ground for superiority, the fake, deluded self that is created in order to get by.

Lies and Dishonesty

Lies and Dishonesty section can be attributed to delusion. Pathological Liar can be mentioned here, a term also known as Mythomania. The firm belief in one’s own lies point to a kind of self hypnosis, otherwise known as delusion, and when reality does not match up with held delusions, Stupified Eye Response and Facial Expression are the common, transient, yet often repetitive result. 

Unreciprocated Use of People

Narcissists only give when it suits them, and in many cases the giving will be unbalanced and played on as a more sentimental act rather than any healthy, truly valuable or balanced way of giving. You can bet your whole ass that any sort of giving done by the narcissistic person will absolutely be conditional or on a give to receive basis, and the condition will become apparent if remaining in quiet awareness about this.

There is a saying out there which I have found to be both the tool of people who mean well and think that they are saying the “right” thing, and a tool of the narcissist, which is: “If you are looking for it you will find it”. Well guess what fuckers, I am looking for it, and if I find it, you can skedaddle.

Stupified Eye Response and Facial Expression

The main highlight of this feature is easily explained by psychology, and if you click through the link you will find out what Cognitive Dissonance is. Skip back to the original issue under Lies and Dishonesty and you may be able to connect the dots and figure this one out for yourself. What cognitive dissonance does is expose one’s utter delusion of themselves, to themselves, creating the look of stupification that some of us know all too well.

Well that’s it, that is the final breakdown of my personal Skeleton tool, a diagnostic tool that I created for myself that others may find helpful too. If you have any questions about it feel free to ask.

I have been dealing with, observing, listening to, and navigating narcissistic and psychopathic persons for almost my entire life. This is part of the result, and I give thanks every one of them for their valuable input.

Stay brilliant :)

© Monday 14th Feb 2022

Dreamwork, the Beauty and the Boundary Violation

Dreamwork is an interesting area of human life that easily gets caught up in a nightmare, so I wanted to write a short bit about that today and define what dreams (and nightmares) are, which can sometimes help stop the fall.

Dreams (and nightmares) are the brains way of resolving things that have not been processed in waking time. It is a bit like doing a format or defragging of a hard drive, sorting out the bits and pieces that either didn’t make a connection, or were just not sorted into the correct place so that they could be moved on from. In machines, that is processing. We are not machines, but as humans, it is pretty much the same processing story for us, with the exception that we are feeling beings, and that we get mystified by things sometimes.

Working out our dreams is something that we can all learn to do, and for those who can look objectively, whilst utilising empathy and an understanding of psychology, Dreamwork with others can be really eye opening for the receiver. The best part however, is that once you have started to work with someone else on Dreamwork, it becomes impossible to not then go forward in being able to realise the individual meaning of dreams for one’s self.

There is another side to the coin though. Dreamwork is a largely overlooked area for potential abuse that is worth remembering, in case it starts happening to ourselves or someone else that we love or care about deeply. Such an open, repeated vision into the boundaries of the personal psyche should only be shared with those that we undoubtedly know that we can trust.