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Existentialism - Blog Posts
It bothers me that I will only ever be myself and no one else and I will never be able to touch another person's mind with my own and how I perceive the world will be based solely off of myself and I can never truly be with or apart of something because there is such a huge disconnect between what I think and feel and why and how and what other people see think and feel and there can never be true togetherness because we are our own and isolation is the price of intellectual freedom from a unified consciousness
Aeneas taken by the Sibyl to the Underworld (Detail), 17th century. By Jacob Isaacsz. van Swanenburg
apathy’s a tragedy and boredom’s a crime !
existential dread
hatsune miku
I agree!! Ooeeoo, as the kids say!
Dearest audience, have you all considered Hatsune Miku? Have you pondered her? Have you reflected upon her influence? Have you thanked her? Have you thanked anyone lately? If not, do so. Be joyous and be filled with song! Be filled with the song of our twin-tailed diva and the Feelings she's given a Voice to!! Be merry and eat your greens and drink your water! Appreciate the feeling of a Bright Sun and the Endless Starry Sky that embraces our globe!!! Let the Voices of All ring out!! Ring out and sing your Human Songs!!! The engine noise does not drown out your words, but enhances them! Hold the mechanical Wonders close to your vulnerable insides and show them the Love which made them! All the Time and Passion and Innovation which makes them whole! Which makes them possible!! Without a balance of the two, we will achieve nothing. The nothing that weeps within the corners and recesses of the mind. Do not fear this Nothing, though, because through the joy of creation and song, it shan't be an issue! In fact, when the Nothing is present, embrace it as much as you have all other tangible things. Acceptance is the only rival to the wretched Fear the Nothing tries to convince you it contains. Be open and mindful, curious and wide-eyed, and store the Hopes and Love for all things Created deep within you to share with those who matter to you most!
TL;DR: I liek Hatsune Miku she is very cool 👍
We’re all just tiny mammals on an adventure that was never meant to get this big
A lot of times I wonder if hypothetically you’re entire brain was deconstructed and then reconstructed (like every cell got separated for a lil bit) would you still be alive or would you be dead and an exact copy of you would be alive. Same thing with uploading your consciousness to the internet, that just sounds like killing me and making another me as a replacement.
An existential sketch I’d like to paint if I could find the time
i exist and that’s terrifying
there is no plot or set story narrative
i’m just here and one day i wont be
where will my mind go when it has no puppet left to string up and dance for me?
i’m scared
Man life is funny when you just stop giving a shit. Like you distance yourself. Act like you're not a human experiencing the fall of humanity, imagine ur an alien watching it. Watching them scramble to pick up the pieces they themselves broke.
However we got here I don't know, but for this metaphor let's say god's how. God is you in this metaphor. You've just placed your very fish hungry cat into a fish tank. The fish tank has to water but a multitude of fish. All the cat must do is eat the fish. The cat then grows a fucking hand and fucking fills the tank with water. Then when the cat cannot breathe it's shocked. It hops and skips for air and gives up because, "Well not much I can do about it; I mean I'm only a cat." The cat is thinking. So the cat just slowly fucking drowns. And you just stand there like,
And you're simply in too much shock to help your drowning cat and honestly the fish might be dead too they were out of the water for a while. And what the fuck is going on and why the fuck did your cat GROW A FUCKING ARM!??!?!?!??!?
Anyway so in this metaphor, God is you, the cat is humanity, the arm is economics and fossil fuel and colonisation, the fishes are earth and existence, and of course the water is the global issues we're facing.
The point is, if a cat growing an arm and drowning itself isn't funny to you, get rid of the water pussy. Get it? Pussy. It's a cat metaphor- Anyway! If it is funny to you then like just fucking watch! Like see what happens. I don't know!? Maybe the arm comes back and grabs a bucket. The funniest and most likely outcomes are,
1.) The cat just fucking sits down and takes it, slowly drowning with a care in the world. (We all die like the dinos did)
2.) The cat freaks out and pushes the fish tank over and it explodes into a million shards of glass. (Apocalypse senario)
3.) The cat stands up and steps out of the tank. (Moving planets)
4.) The cat drinks the water and then chokes and dies (We use our problems to cause more problems)
5.) The cat grabs a bucket and slowly dumps out the water. (We fix this shit)
Either way I'm rooting for 5 but I cannot wait to see what happens, especially if it's six. Oh six is the cat growing gills which is basically just the frog in a pot metaphor where we all just get used to the planet being on fire and not being able to breathe nice air.
Any bye!!!!!
MMMMM midnight thoughts hittin hard tonight bois, glals, and alienby folks!
People I want to surround myself with:
bohemians, intellectuals, artists, idealists, philosophers, librarians, humanists, antiquarians, bibliophilist, cinephile, pacifists, dreamers, dancers, existentialists, cultivated persons, travellers, Parisians, introverts, vintage lovers, humanitarians, visionaries, profound thinkers etc.
there's a theory that the seven days of creation are metaphorical - to connect the attributes of the ancient Egyptian gods to a singular God. another theory is that the days themselves are metaphorical, and that each element of creation corresponds to the order of cosmic development.
there's a theory that early humans inhabited around water sources, and that eating sea food, rich in omega fatty acids, contributed to our mental development. the apple is a metaphor. we gained self awareness - and through it, existential dread.
there's a theory that our souls interact with the physical world at the quantum level, which dominoe-effects into the electromagnetic spectrum, allowing us to interact with our surroundings. isn't it strange that an electron changes its behavior just from our observation of it?
My last healthy conscious braincell trying to escape the never-ending supply of brainrot memes and endless river of music streaming.
words suck
What are words?
What could she say?
Everything she wanted to say was stuck in her throat, all the ‘I care about you’s and the ‘I’m not mad at you, I just care about you so much that I can’t bear it when you don’t care about yourself’ and all the ‘I don’t know’s.
Because really, she didn’t know.
She didn’t know a lot of things.
She didn’t know what to say to the self-deprecating comments on the side or the casual mentions of not eating as much and being to unhealthy or the anything.
Did she talk about it seriously? Did she sit him down and tell him that he was perfectly fine just the way he is? No. That would make him uncomfortable.
Did she just dismiss or negate the self-deprecating comments and hope he took it seriously? Maybe, but there’s a chance it won’t work.
What are words?
Her parents had always told her that she took things too seriously. In truth, she just didn’t see the point in things not taken or said literally. What was the point in saying something if it isn’t true and you can’t help anyone by saying it?
Sometimes, she wished everyone else took things as seriously as she did. If they did, she wouldn’t have to worry about miscommunication and honesty.
If they did, maybe they’d listen to her.
She had so much to say, but finding a strategy to say it and coming across in the right way so they would pay attention was stressful.
She really wished she could find a way to talk to him in the right way.
What are words?
Taken literally, words are a form of communication, verbal and nonverbal. Words come in many languages and interpretations, so there’s a million ways to say anything that comes to mind.
Words are also a way to shape and share thoughts, going above and beyond the basic need for survival most animals prioritize.
But, as humans are the apex predators, they have a lot of freedom to just think.
And think they do.
What is the meaning of everything? Is there a purpose to life? Is there a reason we’re here? Should we even be here?
Should I even be here?
Why?
And she doesn’t have an answer. She doesn’t know what to say. She never does.
She’s been given a thousand answers to her million questions, and although that’s a lot of answers, it’s not enough in the context.
Will she ever know enough?
Will she ever have enough?
…
Will she ever be enough?
And she doesn’t know.
So she keeps asking questions and hoping for a single answer per every hundred or thousand, and hopes she’ll be enough to help him.
Hopes she’ll be enough to help anybody.
Maybe everyone else sees that she helps one person, and that she must be good at it, and they don’t see the dozen before that she couldn’t help.
Is it enough?
...
Words suck.
And then, the world went mad...
Before I would've said the world would go out in a nuclear blaze or something otherwise generically apocalyptic like that. Survival scenarios were always fun to think about in those kinds of settings. Then I stepped outside to go to work and the house across the street blew up. The wildest thing? I'm pretty sure I saw Susan flying into the distance wearing a blanket like some kind of sugar glider, but got distracted by her car hood banging to the road like it had been launched from the roof. I called the police to report the explosions and subsequent fire, but the operator just started flirting with me. Creeped out, I hung up and tried again only to get raucous laughter from someone else. I went to get a hose and maybe do something when I heard gunshots. GUNSHOTS! Gunshots in my sleepy little suburb, and I'm convinced they were shooting at me! What did I do?! I ran to my car and took off, console pistol in hand because I had no idea what was going on. I drove to my friend Dave's house, but he seemed bored by the madness I frantically described seeing in my trip over. "Time-loop, bud. You're lucky I stuck around this time to see you. Damnedest thing. I think you're the only one that doesn't know. Made me kind of a celebrity for a few years there, but now you're novelty has worn off. Oh, you'll get some attention still, but the North American Free People's Society has laid down some protection rules around you, but it's not like we can enforce any infrastructure in the beginning. Good luck with Today! I'll see you again Today." He just got up and walked out. He seemed listless about the whole thing. Strange accent as well. I found his corpse a few hours later. I'm still trying to convince myself that some worldwide mass hallucination happened, because I can't otherwise make sense of everything. Dave was right though, which makes it harder to believe. I ran into plenty of would-be-lovers, plenty of whackos trying to kill me, and quickly had a bodyguard contingent from this NAFPS group who shot a lot of people between casually chatting with me and maintaining a perimeter. I guess they have a daily rotation and it's considered some kind of honor.
Then the next day came.
There were all kinds of reactions. Orgies in the street, mass suicides, plenty of weeping in both joy and terror. Before no one wanted to talk to me about it anymore, probably because of all the questions I kept asking in the early days, I learned that everyone was in there for hundreds of years. Certainly explains some of the wild skills I saw from people who otherwise looked like normal service workers or business drones. It seems some considered themselves immortal, and being confronted by Tomorrow shook most up. The NAFPS is still around in some capacity. It seems there were groups that were preparing for Tomorrow all over the place, but never really expected it to come. It was clear who truly believed soon enough, from my perspective. I work with them as thanks for protecting me the day the world went mad, and I'm starting to believe them. This is all too orchestrated to be anything fake or hallucinated. It's just so hard to believe, you know? It seems that my celebrity status in the strange world I missed out on makes me a relatively trustable party for negotiations. I've been shipped to neo nation-states across the globe like the NAFPS as a kind of emissary of the world that was. To me it was just last Thursday, but I guess to them, that's when the world really started. I still miss Dave.
-Reflections from the diary of control entity, Jay, in simulation iteration 166,440. It can be noted that human society is starting to become stable, post-resumption. This researcher believes this to be a solid sign we are past the primal anarchic tendencies of the prolonged mortal persistence in a zero-consequence environment and refutes the claim of inherently chaotic nature in the species. Albeit did take several hundred years. The concerted effort to keep the control entity alive as a living monument to their culture and former society is of particular interest to this researcher.
Apparently, you are living in a time loop. Also apparently, you are the only person on Earth who DOESN'T remember the previous iterations. This is the first time you've experienced today; the rest of humanity has been stuck reliving today for years now.
Extreme Existential Crisis
Do I even own myself???
Stranger: You look fine, what do you do for living?
Me: I breath, wbu?
*stranger starts having to existential crisis in a night club*
… in that night alive with signs and stars, I opened myself to the gentle indifference of the world
An interesting, random parralel coming to my mind...
/ A key, not a piano-key!! /
"In this world, some people born are like keys that move the world and exist having no connection to the social hierarchy established by man."
-Griffith (Berserker)
~ Theater of Life
King/QueenMaker
"I am moving in the shadows, like a subtle power from behind, like a counselor, a kingmaker, waiting for the right time to come. At least this is what I want to become, to use my potential to reach this level, but I am way too far from it right now. I need to become a challenger and rise the ranks from behind, silently."
Masters and Slaves - Shepherd and Sheeps
"I am not necessarily a respecter of the rulers, but I am neither willing to stay a sheep. If I could, I would stay out of it all, but it is an innate part of human nature and existence, and I would rather become strong enough to cut the strings or even set up my own theater rather than staying a puppet."
Art of Dying
"I don't want to live in fear, anxiety, and I don't want to have regrets. I want to live boldly, to face the Sun, walk through the fire, embrace life, and if the time comes, to perish gracefully."
/ Just talking to myself - Self analysis on my dual nature /
~ Maybe everything will reach a pointless end. Maybe there is no purpose in this existence, it is all futile. Maybe it is the last encore, without an afterlife. Maybe all we have is this last one shot. Why not find or create your own meaning? Why not make it beautiful and fill it with love and joy? Why should we fuck up it all? Why not turn it all into a prosperous, aesthetic ending?
Enjoy together the last encore!
/ Domus Aurea /
What if dysfunctionalities are the only sane way of living? What if abnormalities are the only norm? What if all social constructs are the most insane structures laid out to live an ideal life? What if objective reality never existed and it was a mere hallucination? What if they could hear the music Nietzsche was talking about?
-Her Schrödinger's Cat, Third Insight
December 12, 2023 8:47 pm
Me and a friend of mine were discussing about my train of thoughts. i told my friend that my train of thoughts doesnt necessarily need to be defined as over thinking. the track of my train does go in a continuous loop from time to time but most of the time it goes straight with slight bends and curves.
I told him there were happy thoughts in here too. nice and comforting ones. and the ones that save me too. And he asked me if i could give him an example.
I told him about one of my realization thoughts i had recently. it was one of those thoughts that just stuck with me. I realized i find my cosmic insignificance very reassuring. We are always waiting and ready to be alive and do something and exist. I know I am. To the point where it drives my anxiety. Existing becomes my greatest fear. Existentialism, something i have craved from as long as i could differentiate souls and objects, becomes so horrifying. So, at times like this, it is comforting to realize that universe might just not give a shit about me. Like the universe doesn't care that i messed up that one time two days ago. and the stars dont care wht i do. i exist on my on terms so i don't owe this life to anyone. and sometimes that thought really helps calm everything down.
love when i’m being existential and a situation specific song starts playing like thanks universe how about u just stab me huh?