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Daydreaming - Blog Posts
Indulge your imagination in every possible flight.
—Jane Austen
god i love making animatics in my head i wish drawing was real
When I tell people they can simply shift with daydreaming and they hit me with "but I daydream all the time, why haven't I shifted?"
Because you perceive it as a daydream and not a actually reality you are living and experiencing.
If you are daydreaming and you are so focused on the fact you are "not there yet" or the fact you wish to be "actually" experiencing that daydream right now is the reason why you didn't shift through the daydreaming.
Shifting doesn't take much, and telling yourself otherwise is sabotaging yourself. Realise your dr is real and take it in. Immerse yourself in your dr and simply be there and don't overthink it.
My friend: Hey [name], what do you think? [name]? [name]?
Me, forcibly pulling myself away from the universe where I rule as god: Yeah what is it?
Is anyone going to draw/animate noir to Paint it Black by the Rolling Stones or am I going to have to do that myself
one minor inconvenience happens
me, immediately going to retract into myself: yes time to indulge in one of my carefully crafted fantasy universes for hours on end and have no contact with anyone 🥰
I have now decided that I am in a Sophia Coppola movie from now til the end of time
“If I was a bluebird, I would fly to you...”
“You pop when we get intimate...”
← Main Masterlist
“Music for whatever you want...”
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"I was on my way to buy some flowers for you..." H.S.- Grapejuice
← Main Masterlist
I wrote the doctor, and she agreed to see me, and answer my questions about orgasm denial. I started “arguing” my wife’s twitch-free slow-pour perfectly ruined orgasms weren’t enough….
She interrupted me.
She cut me off before I went too far. I felt I needed big spurty climaxes for some reason. I felt my balls might burst from so much teasing.
But she didn’t let me argue, or begging to equivocate by avoiding committing myself to chastity and orgasm denial. Not after revealing myself to her in writing.
I had been so clear in my email. Her face lifted when she realized who I was. She said “Oh! You’re my email guy!” Months of caged denial had made me brave. I was excited to go through with this, bolstered by 93 days of orgasm denial.
I had been so intent in owning my chastity, and meeting my 3 month goal, that I wore it to a dermatology exam two weeks prior. The doctor pulled down my underwear. His nurse watched the stainless steel shine in the bright light as she took down notes, not two feet from my hip. And one week prior I had my first massage, completely nude except for the cage, and the linen draped over me. So I was really keyed up when I met her.
She stopped me mid-sentence. She halted me when I tried to distinguish those tortuously slow pours from “ejaculations”.
She told me “No.” I don’t need to cum. She softened after making this clear. She understood why, as a guy, I thought my orgasms are important. Her face lit up again as she explained exactly what a big dramatic male orgasm entailed. She described them in long drawn out detail… all the steps. How the balls rise up. Get tight. And how very good it feels to clench and spurt. She knew this is what I was denied.
She was empathetic. But she also knew what I craved to hear: I never need to cum. I just want to. My balls may ache, but I can be kept wanting.
No, she said with a smile.
She gave me warm support and praise. She was so proud that we were so well informed. I already had the answer. It was in my email. Essentially, I had asked her permission to stay denied. I asked her permission for my wife to keep teasing me, and let my balls stay swollen, and my creampot brim with cum.
It was so clear.
It was so clear my wife was in charge. That she controlled my orgasms. I mentioned my wife repeatedly in my email. I said “we” to ensure she knew this was consensual. But I didn’t put it on my wife. I gave all the signals, practically begging her to tell it’s ok.
It’s ok. You don’t need to cum. Your balls won’t burst.
I told her I was kept aroused and I worried the vasectomy she’d give me would interrupt our life or tease and denial. She assured me that I’d be ok. Getting snipped and clipped wouldn’t interrupt my wife’s enjoyment of my constant frustration.
It’s ok. She’s take care of me and I’d be ok.
She already knew.
Seeing my balls so heavy and swollen showed I was real. She saw how I lived, in constant arousal. My cock was not shriveled and small. I had a nice warm squishy but firm chubby. My glans was pink and delicate and exposed.
She could see the wide piercing hole. The piercing that marked me as owned, and secures me in my chastity.
Precum had soaked my underwear. I had gushed a little when she explained everything to me. She had me squrming in my seat. I was wet, glistening and slick.
I tried so hard to be a good boy. She told me to pull my pants down further. They were at my ankles as I put my hands behind my back. I stood at attention with gaze averted and unfocused.
She knew. She approved. She praised me and my wife, and provided encouragement, not caution. Orgasm denial won’t harm me. My wife can keep me denied, and mercilessly teased.
If I wanted to get a doctors note for an orgasm, then I failed miserably. But she could read me. I wanted her approval. I drank in her encouragement. I was completely submissive and she hit my praise kink so hard, she made me gush.
I left, shaken. Relieved but quivering. I was making my next appointment when her nurse came out to meet me, with a smirk on her face. There was no reason for her nurse to see me again.
This smirking redheaded nurse had asked my doctor to confirm. She had seen the email printed in my chart, or earlier. My email tried to keep professional, but it was so obvious that my wife kept me in chastity and denial.
They both knew.
She came out for no reason except to tell me it’s ok. And to smile at me. She knew my wife is in charge, and put her hand on my shoulder.
——
If I had showed her the chastity cage, or wore it for the exam, I risked her disapproval or warning about erectile function. I chose not to risk that. It doesn’t matter though. I could have been on the honor system. But the piercing, and maybe even the tell tale signs of long term chastity wear, made it obvious. The effect is the same. I was submissive and simmering in my denial.
I was a good boy, and why would they give me anything but encouragement? The praise got to me. “It’s ok. Don’t worry. I know. Your wife’s in charge” with a huge smile. “You don’t need to cum. You won’t burst”
I faced the doctor and talked through what I emailed her: my wife and I are happy with my cock as long as I don’t orgasm. I wasn’t asking for Viagra. I clearly didn’t need it. I wasn’t asking to be numbed to correct premature ejaculation. My wife preferred me on edge. I asked… I asked to be kept indefinitely teased and denied. “Please, tell me it’s ok… that my wife won’t harm me by keeping my balls brimming full.” 
I got my answer. “She doesn’t need to worry; You never need to cum.”
She gave me what I needed. Not a prescription: but assurance and support… Encouragement!
I told her I don’t get to cum and I worried my swollen heavy balls would burst. She corrected me. Those slow spills I described are good enough to keep me healthy. I can just pour out gently. I don’t need to twitch. My balls won’t burst. This won’t break me. I can be kept brimming with cream. Gushing a little.
She let me embrace the ache. She let me face endless denial. I don’t need to worry. My wife is taking good care of me. It’s ok. I don’t need to cum. She let me keep this vibrant energy.
She beheld my thick and warm cock, half hard dripping with precum. She saw I was perfectly healthy. There’s nothing to fix. She asked if I was in pain as she prodded and pinched my heavy balls. I was not. They were healthy… just swollen from constant arousal. She saw I was quietly simmering in denial.
She didn’t pry as to what we did in the bedroom, since I was such a drippy eager mess. Maybe it was obvious. Maybe she saw my PA piercing, and how “unstable” my cock was out of its cage. Maybe she saw telltale marks of long term chastity, and how I kept shaved.
Maybe she imagined I fuck my wife with a Vixskin cock… like @denial-permanente. It was clear that I couldn’t last. I was trying so hard not to get a full erection. It was clear my wife kept me with no stamina. I was vulnerable.
Tom and his wife have me imagining the good doctor recommending platinum-silicone cocks and 316L stainless-steel chastity to cure erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation. No penis pumps. No Viagra. No delay sprays. And an offer of a titanium cage in following years if you’re really committed for the long term…
It’s simple. If you want him to have vibrant sexual energy, just keep him caged and stay hard. Masturbation and orgasm denial works. It’s a gift… You can please your wife with your new platinum grade silicone cock. And harness all that energy into fulfilling her.
But then, I’m imagining my own situation… where I sheepishly admit my wife doesn’t want that. Maybe I admit, while trying to hide my sadness, that she told me my cock doesn’t give her any intrinsic pleasure. And perhaps I’m buoyed that she simply doesn’t want to be penetrated by anyone. It’s not just me. It’s not because I’m lacking.
And then the good kind and empathetic doctor; who assured me I never need relief for endless tease and denial…. Perhaps that good woman would tell me it’s ok, many women don’t get pleasure from penetration. As a urologist she sees many men that can’t get erect, and many couples have wonderful sex loved without penetration. I’m special, my erections are stifled in a cage. It’s not dysfunction, just denial. Men chasing orgasms isn’t healthy. It’s better if I let go, and just enjoy life without climaxes. Without fucking.
Without that delicious feeling of your pink glistening glans penetrating and dragging. And that tingling along your underside and the pressure on your magic spot bringing you close… to the explosion of massive full body convulsions. Thrusting, panting, screaming from pleasure. Uncontrollable clenching and twitching. Wide eyed disbelief during the climax. And then the crushing relaxation and feeling limp and spent. Fuck. I still remember it.
No. You don’t need to cum. You want to stay denied. You chose this because it makes her happy.
It was clear what I gave up. No question. My wife teases and denies me so I stay hard and aroused.
- Do I need to worry how long I’m denied orgasms? NO.
- Should we really be concerned about my aching blue balls? NO.
- Will I burst? NO.
- Can you give me a minimum schedule to cum or get milked? NO.
I asked. I got answers. Clear, unarguable, and inescapable facts. I can stay denied indefinitely.
I was still struggling with all this.
@nice-predator assured me:
“You’re stuck in a cage for the greater good. You truly seem to thrive with denial.
It works because you respond so well and strongly to it. The end justifies the means.
This works precisely because of your relationship with your cock. If you were less fond of it and of its capacities, it would not be the same effect at all. It’s necessary to control it. I have seen the results and I agree with the experiment’s conclusions. The cage is best for you.”
She is a good friend, and knows me too well for my own sanity. But she essentially prescribed me chastity and denial. I’m reading that and imagining if the good doctor would have agreed, I had been brave enough to be open about wearing chastity.
We then discussed the wisdom permanence and truly letting go:
“At this point, I'm definitely leaning towards no full climaxes. Full chastity and edging are yielding better results. Orgasms disrupt your progress.
Then again, maybe some of that disruption is a good thing in terms of causing a certain disorientation. Basically, I think that any (IF any) orgasms should not be a reward or service but a further mindfuck. ... I can't decide whether a full orgasm is a good idea anymore either.
But your wife might take orgasms off the table altogether.”
I shuddered and let out a whine at that. She was kind to relent, not push so deep, and pulled back from never again.
“Probably not 100%, but only extremely rarely just for the sake of you not having complete certainty of the future.
Seems like her style at this point. After years of seeing the patterns and trials, I feel that this is the correct conclusion. I'm hard-pressed to think of what a better alternative would be.”
Going back to my yearning to fuck and give pleasure with my cock we went on…
“I know it is an enormous adjustment to make in your mind, and I absolutely get why it is such a struggle. But I also totally understand why she has little interest in the way you feel your cock's best features are. She loves and wants your cock, in the way she is using it right now.
Caged and denied.
I wonder if part of what is so difficult- and possibly a bit painful to your feelings as well- is to accept that what men think their cocks are doing for women is HUGELY misguided for probably a solid 80% of women. The straight truth is that being pounded by cock is simply not intense or 'orgasmic' for the vast majority of vaginas. *Vaginas have a dearth of nerves* once you're past the 0.5 to 1 inch of labia that packs them in. They have evolved to take a gruesome beating (for birth) with minimal pain or damage. No matter how big or vigourous a dick gets, the sensation isn't all that intense physically to most women (there are always exceptions of course). Most women also *cannot* orgasm from penetration alone, end of story. Faking that particular orgasm is the norm, not the exception. Sorry this sounds like unnecessary ob-gyn rambling lol .. but I feel it's important for it to drill my next point in (have it *penetrate* as it were haha 😜):
Most women get the INTENSE joy of being penetrated from the peripheral factors of it, not the dicking itself: The psychological closeness and intimacy, the intrusion (if they are more submissive), their partner's enthusiasm and own intensity if they love it, the fact that they feel this viscerally needed by a man.. THAT's the real appeal.
Now your wife is getting all of those and them some *by keeping your cock locked up*. So while you wish that she'd want your dick a bit more, my question is: Why? She HAS your dick. It is doing all the very best job a dick CAN do: It's making you pliant, needy, gushy, attentive and fun. It's driving you crazy. Your desire and your wife are constantly on your mind. This is the penetration that matters to her.
So basically, what I'm saying is that you are framing this as a lack of her interest in your cock and what YOU know it can do (which I do not blame and sympathize with, don't get me wrong). She has great interest in your cock, that's why she is keeping him where it does its absolute most intense work for HER, by fucking your mind constantly and permanently.
I mean I'm sitting here typing this and keep shaking my head at how accurately and fully she is wielding this chastity thing. She is mastering it; you got signed up and training for the big leagues, that's what's going on. That's why it's hard.”
And here I am…
I gave her the keys - vowing I’d never touch them.
First she told me she’d keep me caged for at least 3 months. And she did… not one moment of freedom.
Then she told me she was done with letting me touch myself. She told me my masturbation denial was permanent.
Then she told me she didn’t miss my cock. I was hoping she’d want me uncaged occasionally. But she said my mind is more fun to fuck… and she’d rather penetrate me.
She offered to give me permanent orgasm denial. Since I was so enthralled and filled with constant frustrated desire, she determined this was best for me.
She offered permanent chastity. She said she should seal it shut to reach me a lesson about expectations. I believed her when she said she preferred me caged.
I lived for 12 months in enforced chastity.
She had pressed me to accept the real consequences of living out my deepest fantasies. She was giving me the dream.
She encouraged me to float along and accept endless frustration. She was happy I never got used to denial. It was a perpetual motion machine. My balls churned and I drooled precum endlessly.
She reminded me I never needed to cum, and I had been brave enough to get explicit permission - in writing - from a urologist I could stay denied indefinitely.
In the end I twisted and cracked.
Be careful what you wish for.
Buy Shock Collar (Bracelet) for his Balls - FLR (female led relationship) 😈👰
Review #1 - from Alicia I still love this shock-collar for Husband training. I have truly seen a positive attitude change in him. We all have times our significant other irritates us, but most Women don’t know how to stop it. Example, I was reading my book, and my Husband kept pestering me. I just looked up and turned on the Zapper. Then I told him to vacuum the upstairs, and not interrupt me until I summoned him.
Once I finished reading I gave him an extra good zap to summon him to get me a glass of white wine. Now if you had known my man years ago, you would not believe how responsive he is to my needs and desires.
Review #2 - from Christine After purchasing this we made a rule that my husband would put the zapper around his scrotum just above his balls any time I ask him. It’s also is great on date night. Now when I need the pool scrubbed, I just ask him to put on the zapper. Once it is on, he works hard without any complaints. Then I might get him too clean the stairs. Once he is finished I get him to give me a shoulder and neck massage. I make him wear it 24x7. Even when he is in office. Believe it or not, its an amazing training device for husbands.
Review #3 - from Jenny We recently started using a remote shock puppy collar on my husband’s balls to ensure obedience. This particular model has six shock levels plus a vibrating signal. It’s amazing how effective it has been.
Since we started our FLR, we had a rule that if I called him or gave him an order he must drop whatever he is doing and come to me or do what I told him to do. This used to work according to his mood, and while I of course had the right to punish him, I didn’t do it regularly because I’m lazy. Now I call him using the vibrating feature and he knows that if he doesn’t come immediately (or if he doesn’t obey an order immediately) his nuts will get zapped. He is so responsive and so fast now! When we go out I always make him wear the fully recharged zapper and he behaves like a gentleman, since he knows that I keep the remote with me at all times and that I’m not afraid to use (frankly, I like to use it – hahaha!).
My sweet husband never argues with me anymore and shows proper respect at all times. Even when the zapper is not on, he knows that he will be wearing it before he goes to bed every night. That is a ritual we have since we got the device. Every night he asks me if I am happy with his behavior for the day. If I’m not, I give him shocks of varying intensity and duration depending on the infractions. I love to see the look on his face when he asks the question, especially on those days when he knows he’s been a bad boy, which are now becoming rare. I recommend this gadget to all dominant wives. You will never let any misbehavior go unpunished and he will become a new man, one you will like a lot!
Review #4 - from Me I instructed My husband to buy one of these Remote Shock Puppy for Me several months ago. Once this shock trainer arrived, I looked it over and ordered him to attach it to a locking bondage belt that I secured around his balls. I immediately started experimenting with the shock settings on this wicked little device. It has 16 levels of shock intensity. I discovered that level 3 or 4 are good to get his immediate attention or to summon him to My presence. I use levels 5 to 7 as for punishment for minor infractions, while higher levels are reserved for more severe discipline. Usually anything above level 8 is sufficient to drop him to his knees. I don’t think I have inflicted anything higher than level 11 on him which makes him beg for mercy! I keep My slave in his “shock trainer belt” nearly all the time (except when bathing and so forth).
I really enjoy that I am able to discipline (shock) him when we are out in public like at a restaurant, shopping mall, and so forth. I usually shock him whenever I see is his attention wander from me, or he dares to glace a little too long at another woman.
Queens & Ladies, take My advice and buy one of these shock trainers for your slave/husband. Using this shock trainer combined with the male chastity device of your choice will keep him under your complete control and help make living with him a real pleasure for you 24x7..!
“These are all BDSM memes that I have seen, and our daily life doesn’t overlap with any of that.” We have been around the block a few times, and our lives don’t look like the memes either. And when we have conventional sex it doesn’t look like a porno. I like the Internet and media but it can screw with expectations. Would you recommend chastity to others?
This is a great question. I don’t know if I would “recommend” it any more than I would recommend buying handcuffs or blindfolds… which means no, I guess I wouldn’t. Both Tom and I are fortunate that this appeals to the both of us, but it’s obviously not for everybody. So, if one of my friends mentioned that her love life was getting dull, I probably wouldn’t suggest this.
However, if one of my friends happened to mention that her husband wanted to try it, well, then I might try to see how interested she is before saying something. I have no idea what I would say, maybe something like “Tom and I tried that, and it was a lot of fun.”
I have a hard time imagining these situations beci know that most of my friends are more straight laced about this than I am. 😅
Femdom experiences, ideas, and suggestions
I’d like to share some experience, ideas, and tips I’ve put together after about 4 years of dominating my BF. This is all my personal experience, so it won’t apply to everyone.
Firstly, I need to share that we aren’t in a 24/7 Domme-sub relationship. That doesn’t interest me or my BF. My BF came to me about 4 ½ years ago and confessed some of his desires for femdom sex, and I decided to entertain it with him. It’s been a lot of fun, but I’m not making it a “lifestyle”, although we do have some “extended” sessions, which I’ll detail later in this post. Its something we do for fun in the bedroom (well, not always in the bedroom). We still have frequent “vanilla” sex, he’s actually quite good at it. :) That being said, I’m not here to pass judgement on anyone else, or pretend to be an expert on the subject of BDSM. My current BF is the only person I’ve played with like this, but we’ve learned a lot about femdom by experimenting, reading, and talking to each other. A good portion of these ideas and suggestions were his idea, and many are mine. Some may think that this is topping from the bottom, but I don’t take it too seriously. This is all just in good fun for us.
Also, even though I talk about some of the stuff below being “forced”, that’s not to imply he hasn’t consented. We always have a safeword, and we discuss generalities before we decide on trying something new (although I do definitely surprise him with new activities to push his limits). Also, keep safety in mind with any activity. Not all of this is safe for every couple or every person. So, with all that out of the way, lets get to it!
I approach femdom by classifying activities into 4 categories, then I put them together for an experience. The categories I use are: Degradation/Humiliation, Pain and Control, Frustration/Teasing, and Service. I’ll go over activities in each then describe how I put them together.
DEGRADATION/HUMILIATION
This is a very fun category and can include a lot of different things. Here’s a list of activities that I enjoy inflicting on him.
Forced feminization - I frequently make him wear women’s clothing during our sessions. This can include lots of different outfits. Feel free to mix and match to your taste. Amazon is great for getting lingerie on a budget. I like to go with really girly colors and patterns for my guy. My favorites are:
High heels. These are an absolute necessity. You don’t need to spend a lot of money on these, but you might want more than one pair if you insist his outfits match.
Lingerie. This can include teddies, stockings, babydoll, fishnet dresses, etc.
Just a pair of panties. This makes him feel very exposed. I like ones that ride up his little butt (cheekies, thongs), but still cover his entire penis. Don’t let him wear anything else.
Pasties. This is very, very fun. Pasties are cheap, and not something you ever see a man wearing. A pair of high heels, pink thong, and some pasties is great outfit for him to wear while he cleans the bathroom for you.
Schoolgirl outfit. This is a classic, and can lead to some incredible role-playing situations. The skirt should be short enough you can see his little white panties peeking out without even bending over.
French Maid. Another classic, useful for the Service category I’ll go into later.
Makeup. This is a favorite activity. I love giving him a makeover. Super slutty makeup is the best and can be combined with any outfit.
Tight jeans, yoga pants, leggings. Pair these with a skin tight top and you’ve got a great outfit for lounging around the house.
Short shorts. These can be cut off jean type shorts, yoga style shorts, or anything you like. The shorter the better.
Corset. Use this to give him a girlish figure!
Women’s bodystocking. These are hilarious. They come in all kinds of patterns and colors, and are really cheap.
Halloween costumes. Great for any time of year! Amazon has cheap playboy bunny outfits, tinkerbell costumes, sexy nurse, etc. There are so many to choose from!
Pegging/dildo play - This falls into the pain category as well depending on your mood. I really feel that in order to make this act as degrading as possible, its important to get a dildo that looks and feels like a real penis. It should have balls and be a realistic skin tone. It should also be at least slightly bigger than his own penis (within reason). A big aspect that makes pegging so humiliating is the mental side to it. Obviously, there’s some physical to it as well, but just being forced to “deal” with a dick is mortifying to most straight men. Some activities involving your strapon or dildo:
Deepthroat training. Let’s eliminate that gag reflex ladies! Seriously one of the most degrading things you can do to your man is fucking his face. I like to recreate positions from porn in this activity. Relax on the couch or chair while wearing your strapon. Put him on his knees and make him get to work. If he’s not going deep enough grab his hair and force his face down on that dick! Trust me, he can take it. Don’t be gentle. Make sure he maintains eye contact like a good little porn star! I also like to have him lay on his back on the bed or couch, with his head hanging over the side and cram my dick down his throat. Do this until he gags, over and over, he’ll be drooling all over himself soon enough. Have him lie down on his back, then straddle his upper chest/neck area so the only thing you can see is his face. Put your dildo in his mouth and jackhammer that thing down his throat. Don’t be scared of hurting him, even if your dildo is on the large side of realistic. he’ll eventually be able to take it balls deep. He might complain that it doesn’t fit. Well, its your job to MAKE it fit. Yes he’s going to cough and gag, a lot, yes he’s going to have a lot of drool and mucus coming out of his mouth. That’s OK. Don’t be deterred by any sounds, drool, or complaints. Also give him instructions and compliments when appropriate (“yeah, show me your tongue” “hands behind your back and open wide bitch” “give me that throat” “that’s a good little cocksucker”)
EDIT: I’ve received several questions about this point. I’ll clarify exactly what were doing here and why. When I make him suck my dildo, I’m not getting any physical pleasure out of it and neither is he. This is not meant to be physically pleasurable to us, it’s meant to make him feel like my bitch. When you do this, make it an ordeal he needs to suffer through. When he’s on his knees in front of you, fuck his mouth hard and fast. Really make an effort to get your entire dildo down his throat as you thrust in and out. Make him suffer here for quite some time, 5, 10, 15 minutes even. Don’t let him get away with pulling his head away or anything either. Make him keep your dick in his mouth, see how long you can keep it buried balls deep in his mouth, lock your legs around his head if necessary. His jaw and throat should be very sore after this ordeal, and his face should be a mess of slobber and spit. Once he can take your whole dildo down his throat without gagging, its time to upgrade to something longer and/or thicker. Your goal should be to have him performing at THIS LEVEL and he won’t get there without proper training.
Butt fucking. Work up to this using your fingers, plugs (he should wear a large sized one for a while before a pegging session), and other toys, but eventually your goal should be forceful pounding. Make him feel what its like to really get fucked. While pegging him, yank his hair, push his face down into the bed or floor, slap his ass. Be creative with positions and locations. One of my favorites is the tile kitchen floor, he doesn’t have to be comfortable while getting fucked. Use lots and lots of lube here, it makes getting your dick in a lot easier on both of you.
Dildo masturbation. Make him suck and fuck himself with a dildo or other toys for your amusement. This one can be done with very minimal effort on your part. Just give him a toy, order him to the corner, and tell him to get it up his ass.
Using other objects to fuck him with. This can be a lot of fun, but be careful. Some items I’ve fucked him with: Beer bottle, drumsticks, vodka bottle,
Forced Nudity - This one is simple, but you can spice it up with toys if you like. Simply order him to be naked while you remain clothed. If you like, make him wear a butt plug that you can smack and wiggle around while he gets you a drink. Put a collar on him if you want, or combine this with forced feminization from above (for example make him wear only high heels, lipstick, and a chastity cage for the evening). Sometimes its fun to combine this with pegging. I’ll strap my dick on over my jeans, while he’s completely naked. Its a very humbling experience for him. I also frequently have him sleep naked.
Forced Performances. This is very entertaining and again a low-effort humiliation. Sometimes I like to put on some music and have him dance for me. I’ll make him perform a little strip tease, twerk, etc. Sometimes I will have him masturbate for me. I’ll give directions. (these are great times for video recording)
Spitting. We’re getting a little more extreme here. Don’t be afraid to spit on your male. This can be especially degrading during pegging, even more so during deepthroat training. While he’s making eye contact, just launch a huge wad of spit right in his face. He’ll love you for it! It can also be degrading while you’re criticizing his performance to spit in his face.
Golden showers. We haven’t worked our way up to here yet, and to be honest, I don’t know if I want to. Something we have tried in this area though, making him lick me clean after I take a piss.
Verbal humiliation (Disclaimer: Talk to your partner about this first if you’re worried about crossing a line with him, because this can be emotionally charged.) I really like this, and to me, there are two components. 1. You degrading him with words. 2. Making him degrade himself with words.
You degrading him.
Name calling. Call him degrading names. This can include the following: Bitch, sissy, cunt, slut, whore, piece of shit, stupid, worthless.
Penis humiliation/emasculation. This is common on femdom porn sites. Make fun of the size of his dick, his sexual ability, the things he lets you do to him, etc. Terms like shrimp-dick, bitch boy, butt boy, fuck-hole, cum eater, cum dumpster, cocksucker, limp dick. etc.
Combine insults. Example: “You’re a little limp dick cocksucker.” “You’re a little cum eating bitch, aren’t you?”
Being forceful and insulting with your directions. Example: Instead of saying “get on your knees and suck my dick”, say “Get on your fucking knees and get this dick down your throat you little bitch.” Instead of using his name and telling him to bend over the kitchen table for his pegging, say something like, “Hey shrimp-dick! Get in here, bend over the table and get fucked.” Instead of saying come here and lick my pussy say “get over here and make me cum you little piece of shit”.
Tell him what you’re going to do to him later. Send him a text letting him know you’re going to make him eat your pussy and send him away hard and frustrated.
Order him to do things for you. *MOST IMPORTANTLY: Don’t be afraid to raise your voice, or even yell. Its encouraged in this situation that you will be very forceful with your voice. Yell in his face if he isn’t licking your pussy correctly. Yell in his face after you cum and tell him to get the fuck off the bed and do the dishes.
Making him degrade himself. This can be really fun.
Make him beg. Use this for anything, make him beg to fuck you, beg you to peg him, beg you to let him masturbate, beg you to let him eat his cum, beg you to spank him, etc. It doesn’t even have to be something he wants. The key to this though, is to make sure his begging meets your standards. If you don’t believe he really wants it, punish him and make him try again, and again until you really believe him.
Make him apologize. Maybe the orgasm he gave you was mediocre. Maybe he didn’t take your dildo up his ass with enough enthusiasm. Maybe when you told him to deepthroat your strapon, he couldn’t get his nose to touch your stomach like you insisted. He should be punished for such infractions, but he should also tell you how sorry he is first. (maybe after his punishment too.) Make sure he apologizes sincerely for any shortcomings. Shit, sometimes I make him apologize for having a small dick (even though he doesn’t).
Make him thank you. Did you let him have an orgasm? Did you fuck his little butthole really well? Did you let him lick your asshole? He needs to thank you for the privlege.
Make him confess. Make him tell you his fantasies. This works especially well if you have him on the edge of orgasm. Make him confess a deep, dark fantasy that he’s never told anyone before. (He’ll probably run out of ideas at some point, you can punish him for that)
Public Play. There are some really fun ways you can take this play out of the house for some really great humiliation that doesn’t involve violating other people boundaries.
Clothes shopping. I enjoy taking him to stores, wal-mart, target, etc. and picking out some really girly panties and outfits for him to wear. If there isn’t anyone around, I’ll occasionally make him go try them on in the dressing room.
Wearing plugs or other toys in public.
And finally, for one of the most humiliating things a man can ever do……
Swallowing cum and/or getting a facial. He fucking hates this, which is why I love it. Any time he has an orgasm during any femdom activity, he’s eating it or its going on his face. I don’t care where it lands, how he came, if it was an accident, or if he really doesn’t want to. That cum is going in his mouth and down his throat. There are a lot of ways to accomplish this, but I really enjoy planning ahead for it. Its also a huge turn on for him, knowing that he’s going to be forced to eat it, even though immediately after he cums he’s absolutely repulsed by it. Some of my favorite ways to do this are:
Make him cum into a condom, then empty it into his mouth.
Make him have a ruined orgasm (I’ll explain later) onto the tile or hardwood floor. Then make him lick it up. If he resists, shove his face in it. If you have carpet, that isn’t a problem. Make him suck the cum out of it until its all gone.
If you let him cum inside you or on you, make him suck the cum out of you or lick it off of you.
While he’s wearing a pair of panties, rub his dick until he cums in them. Then peel them off and make him lick it out, or smear them all over his face.
Flip his legs over his head into the piledriver position (good for pegging also) and make him shoot his load all over his own face. This is a favorite of mine, simply because of the role reversal mind fuck going on in his head. I also like making him leave the jizz on his face for the rest of the day.
Make him cum into a glass and then pour it into his mouth, or pour it all over his face and/or hair.
However he gets the cum into his mouth, occasionally I’ll have him “play” with it. Gargle it, show it to me on his tongue, drool it out and then suck it back up like a porn star.
EDIT: Ladies, he’s going to be much more compliant with eating his semen if he has had a ruined orgasm instead of a pleasurable one. I mention this below but I’ll go into some more detail here. When your man has an orgasm his sexual desire drops off a cliff. He won’t want to eat his cum and will resist. But if you give him a ruined orgasm, he doesn’t get much pleasure at all, and his sexual desire remains high, but he still can expel a good amount of sperm. The goal here is to make his semen come out of his dick without pleasure, but for most men, the pleasure and orgasm actually begins several seconds before he ejaculates. So I like to have fun with this. With him on his knees and his hands restrained I’ll stroke his dick until he gets very close to orgasm, and then when I think hes right on the edge, I’ll let go and watch. I’ll wait about 20 seconds and if no semen comes out, start again. If you’ve done this perfectly, his semen will leak out about 10-15 seconds AFTER you stopped stroking it. He’ll be left sexually frustrated, but you actually DID give him an orgasm, its not your fault he didn’t feel it! He’ll be much more compliant in regards to consuming semen in this way. I like to combine this with chastity sometimes too. I’ll have him locked in the cage for a few days, give him a ruined orgasm and then put him back in. Its wonderful!
ADDED HUMILIATION BONUS!
For added humiliation, I frequently take pictures and video of my pet during these humiliating sessions. I keep these and then use them later for addiitonal humiliaiton. Seriously, having a video of him, with his face covered in his own semen, apologizing for not deepthroating my strapon well enough, all while dressed in daisy dukes and a bikini top….well that’s just good entertainment. Sometimes I make him watch some of the videos with me and laugh at him. It always results in a giant erection in his pants, haha.
PAIN AND CONTROL
DISCLAIMER: It seems online, many people are nervous about this category, and with good reason. Its sometimes hard to tell what your partner is comfortable with, and they may not even be sure of it themselves. So take all of this slowly at first until you and your partner can figure out what works for you. That being said, I seek to push right up against my boyfriend’s limits here. This is where the “forced” part of the humiliation listed above becomes more real.
There are several ways to inflict some pain on your male, here are some of my favorites.
Face slapping. I really enjoy this. Nothing gets his attention so quickly as a pop to the side of his cheek. Several (5-6) in quick succession create a look of fear in his face that I love. He can take a lot of punishment here too, just watch out for his eyes and ears. This is an especially good thing to practice while you’re fucking his face or he’s licking your pussy and/or ass. Use your slaps to get his attention, give direction, and have fun. “I slap told slap you slap to slapfocus slap on slap my slap clit!! slap”
Hair Pulling. Grab his hair and yank his head around. Do this while pegging (in any position), while he’s giving you oral (or sucking your dildo), to lead him where you want him, to hold his head in place while you slap him, to force his face into a puddle of semen, etc.
Spanking/whipping. The most common. I like to use a belt, flogger, occasionally a cane.
Cock and Ball Torture. Another common theme on femdom websites. Here’s a list of techniques I use.
Squeezing/Pinching. Grab his balls and squeeze. Pinch the head of his dick.
Slapping. Simple. To make it hurt worse, you can grab his balls into one hand and hold them tight and steady while you slap.
Punching. Same as above but creates a lot more pain. :)
Kicking. Kicking him right in the balls after you just fucked his ass can be quite the experience for both of you. Take this one more slowly haha.
Nipple Play. Most people know about this already. Use clamps, clothespins, pinches, flicks, twists, and scrapes to inflict some pain here. He can take more than you think.
Chemical Play. Ok, we’re getting to some more extreme areas here again. This is not to be taken lightly, as many people’s bodies react differently. Here’s a list of things we’ve tried.
Ice cubes. Rub on his penis, balls, asshole, and nipples. This can sometimes eliminate a pesky erection in a pinch. I’ve inserted cubes into his anus as well, he doesn’t like that lol.
Ben-gay/Icy Hot. Rub this on the penis balls, taint, and anus. This creates a very unpleasant burning sensation. My pet feels very intense pain for about 10-20 minutes. It then subsides to a mild cooling sensation.
Tabasco/hot sauce. Same as above, rub on genitals and asshole. Your man’s experience will vary here depending on the type of sauce you use, the duration you leave it on, and the amount you use. I reserve this for serious punishment. I once poured some hot sauce on the dildo I fucked him with. Let’s just say he didn’t have a great night.
Electricity. You need to be even more careful here. My only experience is a dog shock collar. I attach the collar around his penis and testicles. It has a vibrate function (for when he’s been a good boy) and 8 levels of shocks. We’ve gotten up to level 6. He really hopes I don’t have to use 7 or 8 on him. You can experiment with the position of the collar on his genitals. If the contacts are touching his balls, he’ll feel it throughout his sack and his perineum. If you flip it over and the contacts touch the base of his penis, shocking sensations will affect his entire penis, all the way to the head. We’ve experimented with different levels here, and it seems his penis is much more sensitive to electricity than his balls are. Your man’s experience may vary. This collar also has a sound/beeping function that I use as a pager when I need him. If his balls beep, he has 10 seconds to be on his knees in front of me, regardless of his prior activity, or else he’ll face punishment.
Bondage and Restraints. I keep this simple as I don’t enjoy taking the time to set up intricate bondage situations. I’m sure my BF would like it, but its just too much effort when I can use simpler items to accomplish the same things. I own a few types of gags, a collar and leash, handcuffs, bed restraint system and, my favorite, a spreader bar (bar with cuffs for hands and feet).
Control. A lot of the more severe pain and control items above are essentially just a method to get my guy to do what he’s told. This is where the “forced” aspect really comes into play. For example, he absolutely hates eating sperm. But if I want him to eat sperm, he’s going to fucking eat it. So I use pain to get him to do it. One way I do this is with the electric dog collar and handcuffs. After he cums, and there’s a load of sperm sitting there on the floor, I give him a choice. Either put your face on it and suck up all that lovely sperm, or, get shocked in increasing intervals and strength. Eventually he’ll do it. This is an area where we’ve both agreed that he doesn’t get a choice any longer. He submits to being forced to lick his jizz off the floor.
Another example is dildo play. If i instruct him to deepthroat my strapon, and get the entire 7 inches down his throat while maintaining eye contact, that’s his job to do. If he doesn’t, I inflict pain. For example, I might start by slapping his face as a warning if he’s disobeying, increasing the strength and quantity of the slaps as I try to work the dildo down his throat. If that doesn’t work, I move on to other means. I may whip him with the belt, or punch his balls a few times then give him another chance. I increase the pain until he obeys. Its really fun to give him tasks that are hard to acheive. I also use pain as punsihment for failure. If he can’t make me orgasm in a certain time period, or its less pleasurable than what I expected, I may attach the spreader bar to his ankles and wrists, gag him, slather his cock and balls with ben-gay, and then go have a glass of wine while he contemplates how he can improve his performance next time.
This doesn’t mean I need a reason to hurt my toy. When we’re playing, I may slap him for fun or for no reason at all. If he’s getting pegged, he should expect to get popped in the face a few times just because I fucking feel like it. Maybe I’ll kick his little blue balls afterwards while he’s still on all fours on the kitchen floor, just because I want to be a bitch.
FRUSTRATION/TEASING
This is really quite simple. When we’re playing, I cum when I want, he cums when he’s allowed to. I enjoy making him suffer in this way, its honestly the most fun part of all this. There are a lot of ways I enjoy teasing and frustrating him and I’ll go over some of them now. There is one hard and fast rule in this game for us. He must always ask permission to ejaculate, no exceptions. He’ll be punished severely for an unauthorized orgasm or ejaculation.
Chastity. This is a must for us. While we don’t play 24/7, I enjoy making him wear a chastity device frequently when we’re apart. I work nights, so if I’m at work, chances are he’s locked into “The Vice”. This is a locking chastity cage, similar to others, only this one has an anti-pullout mechanism that makes it very difficult to remove without the key. Basically “The Vice” (available at www.lockedinlust.com ) is a plastic sheath for his dick that attaches to a ring around the base of his balls. It prevents erections and masturbation very well for the price. I don’t want my man’s dick mangled by a piercing for this game we play, and some of the other devices out there require that to be secure. The Vice keeps it secure and out of his (or anyone else’s) hands. Its so empowering to be able to restrict access to his own dick. I have the power to grant him erections and orgasms, he can’t have them without me or my approval. The length of time he wears the device really changes, but is up to me. I usually don’t keep him in it for more than a couple days, but we’ve had times that I left him in there for over 3 weeks. He really wasn’t happy about the time I had to leave town for 4 days and took the key with me, AFTER he’d been locked up for a week already.
There are a log of fun chastity games you can find online. Some fun chastity games we play:
Try to cum. I enjoy leaving the device on him, and tell him to try to have an orgasm with it on (no vibrator allowed!). Its fucking entertaining to see him hump his hand, finger his asshole, shake the cage around, pinch his own nipples, etc. I like to offer some cheering words of encouragement here for him. Usually I have him do this on the floor in the middle of the living room while I sit on the couch and watch. He hasn’t been able to cum yet, but maybe one day he’ll get there. (Another great video opportunity)
Coin flip. If he’s been locked up for several days, I’ll strap him to the bed or handcuff him to remove the device. Then I’ll start stroking his dick until he’s very close to orgasm, right on the edge. Then I flip a coin, heads I finish him off. Tails, I immediately stop, put an ice pack on his dick and lock him back up once he’s soft again. Better luck next time honey.
Roll of the dice. If he rolls a six, he gets to cum. If not, that’s the number of days he stays locked up until he gets another chance. This went on for over 3 weeks for us at one point. He was really on edge lol.
Chastity can also play into the control aspect as well. Sometimes when we play I don’t take the cage off. For example, he doesn’t need an erection to get fucked in his ass or to use my dildo and vibrator on my pussy, so why take it off? If he starts giving me a bad attitude, I’ll simply add another day or two to his lockup time. I use this as punishment for disobedience when playing, so it gives me more control.
One of the big things you’ll notice if you start incorporating chastity into your sex life, is that he will become more and more agreeable and obedient as time goes on, if you restrict his orgasms. If we’re playing with chastity more seriously, I like to make him wait 1 to 2 weeks between orgasms. He has a high sex drive, so when I do this, he gets so horny he’ll do anything to get out of his chastity cage. Its really entertaining to see what I can get him to do. Once, after 13 days locked into the Vice, I insisted he detail my car if he wanted out of the device. He whined and complained, so I told him that he just earned himself another 3 days in the device, and I still expected the car detailed.
The MOST IMPORTANT thing when incorporating chastity into your sex life is this. SAY NO. Don’t be swayed by his begging, whining, or complaining. Firstly lets get this out of the way, no one NEEDS to have an orgasm. He wants to cum, he doesn’t need to. So lets get that little idea out of the way immediately. We have a rule, when he’s locked up, he gets to politely ask for an orgasm once per day. If I feel like it, I’ll have him earnestly beg me. This is great for extracting promises from him. But if I say no, he needs to shut the fuck up about it immediately. Occasionally I’ll say yes, but most of the time I’ll say no as I’ve already decided on how long he’s going to be locked up. Do not feel bad about this. In fact, relish your power here.
I get off on having him go down on me right after I tell him “No, you’re staying locked up.” While we both agreed to incorporate chastity devices into our sex life, the lockup duration is my decision alone. Use the device to modify his behavior to your liking. If you want something from him, sexual or not, give him the order. If he doesn’t comply, add time in the device. The power is intoxicating.
Teasing. Sometimes he wears The Vice around the house, sometimes not. But regardless I like to wear skimpy clothing, rub up against him, feel and squeeze his balls, ass cheeks, and body just to see him get a boner (or try to, hehe). I’ll take this a lot further sometimes, stroking his dick until he starts leaking precum, getting him close to orgasm, only to stop and tell him to calm down. Sometimes I even let him fuck me until I have an orgasm or two, then tell him to stop. This is delightfully frustrating for him. Other times I’ll leave him in the chastity cage and masturbate right in front of him. One of my favorite teases is to use his mouth to make me cum and send him away completely denied. Sometimes I tell him I’m going to make him cum, only to stop at the last second and tell him I changed my mind.
Ruined Orgasm. By far the funniest aspect to this whole femdom thing. Its really an artform. The basic idea is that you get your man very, very close to the point of orgasm and then stop all stimulation. If you do it right, he’ll just tip over the edge, and his semen will dribble out of his dick with barely any force, and next to no pleasure. This works best with his hands restrained so he can’t try to finish the job himself. I like to pair this sometimes with the shock collar to make it completely miserable.
SERVICE
So now we get to the fun part. A lot of the above is playing into my man’s fetish, and that’s ok. I do love him, and I don’t have a problem doing stuff for his enjoyment. But you can be sure I’m going to be getting something out of all this! A big part of femdom is serving the woman in the relationship. And I’ll detail how that all works for us now.
Sexual Service. This encompasses everything. If I want my ass eaten out for 2 hours while I watch TV, he does it. If I want a full body massage from a muscled, naked man, that’s what I get. If I want to fuck and get off two or three times, I get that. If I want my nipples sucked while I use my vibrator on myself, that’s what I get. Nothing is off limits to me sexually. I speak, he obeys. That’s just how it goes. I typically don’t orgasm from oral sex alone or penetrative sex alone, and sometimes it can take quite a while for me to get there. The point is, I get what I want. Not that I want him eating my ass for 2 hours necessarily, but I’ll make him do something like that sometimes just because I can. (Then sometimes make fun of him for it.)
Facesitting. I love sitting on his face. Its a great experience to cum all over his face. Sometimes I use just his tongue, while other times I’ll shove a dildo in his mouth and ride it while using my vibrator. I also have a gag that has a dildo sticking out of it. Whatever I’m using, its important that I’m only concerned with my own pleasure during this experience. Don’t worry about whether or not he’s able to breathe, if his tongue is tired, if his neck hurts, etc. In fact, its quite enjoyable to put him in intentionally uncomfortable positions for this. We have a hard wooden chair that I like to use for this. He’ll be required to sit on the floor and lean his head back onto the seat of the chair. This hurts his neck and head when I really start riding and bouncing on it, but who gives a fuck? He needs to focus on my orgasm, not his temporary discomfort.
As part of the sexual service aspect of femdom in our sex life, we’ve decided that he no longer decides when and where he gets to orgasm, when and where I get to orgasm, and he doesn’t decide on when or where any other sexual activity takes place. That’s up to me now. This doesn’t mean that he doesn’t initiate sex any longer, far from it. But it does mean he doesn’t get to complain, and he doesn’t get to turn me down when I want it either.
The goal of sexual service is two-fold. One, for you to get all the pleasure you want. Two, for him to feel completely objectified. When you are using him sexually, think of him as just another sex toy, a dildo that you can use up and throw away when you are finished.
But this isn’t limited to sexual service only.
Domestic Service. Basics. When we’re in femdom mode, he does the chores. All of them. We get to spice up mundane things like cleaning the bathroom and vacuuming in easy ways. For example, if the dishes need washed, and the kitchen mopped, I tell my bitch to get his maid outfit and shock collar on and bring me the large butt plug. While he gets dressed I may watch TV, text friends, do some shopping online, or anything else I want. When he’s ready, he lubes up the plug and I put it up his tight little ass. He then goes off to do whatever I’ve told him to do while I relax. After he’s done I may or may not inspect his work, if he did a good job then he may get a reward. His reward may be the privilege of kissing my asshole for example. If its not up to par he may get punished. This can be implemented immediately, or added to a play session later. If you are going to go this route though, I would suggest using punishments he really wants to avoid (extended chastity time, severe spankings, etc.) or else you may find him purposefully messing up in order to get some “punishment” he wants.
This applies to any chore we need completed. My laundry, dishes, car washes, lawn mowing (its funny seeing him on a riding mower when I know there’s a plug up his ass), cooking, etc.
Personal Service. These are generally intimate things that I want done for me. They can really play up the tease element as well. Some examples:
Shave me. In the shower or bath, I like to have him shave my legs and pussy.
Toenails/pedicure. I pick the color, then he massages, moisturizes my feet. Then polishes my nails for me. He’s also responsible for removing any old polish from my nails.
Massage. Sometimes just a shoulder rub, other times I’ll be nude and he is required to give me a full body massage with oil. I like for him to be nude for this as well. It’s really torture for him to give me a few orgasms afterwards and stay denied.
Body worship. It can be really relaxing to have him kiss and nuzzle my thighs, feet nipples, and pussy. I especially enjoy having my asshole worshiped though. Just light kisses, licks and nuzzles. Basically he’s making out with my asshole. It’s a serious power trip to have him do this while I watch TV or play games on my phone, ignoring him except to give instructions if I want something done differently.
PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER
I’ve outlined several ideas and topics here, and now I’ll give an example on how I’ve put all of it together. Remember when reading this, its all in fun, and it doesn’t necessarily have to make a lot of sense. Remember, if your guy is into femdom, he likes a lot of this kind of stuff already.
I like to choose something from each category when we play, just to round out the session. Not always, but frequently.
For one session I decided we were going to do some pegging, so before I got home I told him to get himself cleaned up, naked, and get a plug in. I got home about an hour later, so he’d been stretched out for a little while. I got home, grabbed him by the hair and dragged him into the garage. I told him to get on all fours in the middle of the floor and wait. He waited there for 20 minutes. I know he was scared, he’d never been fucked on the garage floor before. It wasn’t clean, and he was completely naked except for the plug in his ass.
I came in turned all the lights on and started taking pictures. I was already wearing the strapon. I made him smile for the camera, and pose for me. It looked like a really trashy photoshoot. I took several pictures in varioius positions and then I told him it was time to get busy.
I lubed up my cock, slowly pulled out the plug and got to work. I fucked him on the floor of the garage for about 5 minutes, eventually really pounding him. I pulled him up by his hair, bent him over the hood of my car and pounded some more. I insisted he fake an orgasm like a girl. It was reallly funny listening him attempt to moan and scream like a woman orgasming.
Once he was done, I pulled him around by the hair and spit directly into his face. I told him that was the worst fuck I’d ever had and told him to “go clean my fucking bathroom”. He stared at me dumbfounded, so I slapped him hard in his face and repeated it louder. He quickly scurried off to the master bath. About 5 minutes later I came in and threw the strapon and butt plug on the floor and told him to clean up my toys as well. When he came and reported that he was done, I went to inspect his work. It was spotless.
So I told him to get himself cleaned up and ready for bed. As a reward I let him go down on me for a while and then use my vibrator to give me an orgasm. He didn’t get to cum that night. (but we did cuddle and watch a movie)
There are many more ways you can mix and match categories, and many of them run together. For example, you can facefuck your man with your strapon, while you rub his dick. Once you’re satisfied he’s learned how to deepthroat, pull him off and make him beg for the privilege of masturbating in your presence. You can record this on video if you like, then, make him eat his own cum on video. The possibilities are endless! Again, I know a lot of this isn’t “authentic” if you’re doing it for your submissive partner, but that doesn’t really matter to me. What matters is that we’re having fun, and I get what I need out of it too.
Amazing add from one or the subscribers! Thanks for that!
BDSM Links And Resources
I thought I would update the list of BDSM links and resources I posted a while ago, as some links were no longer working and I had several new ones to add, including a list of books. These should be particularly helpful to those who are new to BDSM and looking to explore D/s relationships, as the best way to go about that is to first read everything you can and then read even more! Not only will this allow you to educate yourself, help keep you safe and avoid any potential mistakes or regrets, but also the more you understand something, the less intimidating it will seem.
If you have anything to add, please don’t hesitate to let me know and I will update this list, in particular if there any books that a submissive might find helpful or informative, as most of the books I have read or included are intended for Dominants.
Note: For the sake of consistency and readability, I have used capitals throughout this document and have not used lower case when referring to submissives or slaves.
Websites:
Babygirls ‘n’ Daddy Doms: Website dedicated to littles, babygirls and Daddy Doms, with a lot of useful information on the subject.
Collarme: A free BDSM dating website and community, that is probably the most popular and a better option than the commercial alternatives.
DS Arts: Academy of DS Arts, fairly self explanatory.
Evil Monk: Ambrosio’s BDSM Website, featuring many useful articles.
Fetlife: An online BDSM community that I would highly recommend and which is perhaps best described as Facebook for the kinky, allowing users to create a profile, publish photos or writing and join interest groups where you can ask questions.
Kink Academy: An online resource with many educational and instructional videos on various aspects of BDSM, although users must pay a small fee to access all of the content.
Submissive Guide: As the name suggests, this is an online resource for submissives.
The Iron Gate: A general BDSM online resource, with many aticles, essays and even stories on the subject.
Dating and Relationships:
10 Principles For Healthy 24/7 D/s And M/s (Source: sexgeek.wordpress.com)
Difference of Dynamics in BDSM (Source: the-little-kitten.tumblr.com)
Finding Your Dominant (Source: asubmissivesjourney.com)
How To Find A Partner (Source: Jack Rinella / leathernews.com)
Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Part 1 (Source: submissiveguide.com)
Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Part 2 (Source: submissiveguide.com)
Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Part 3 (Source: submissiveguide.com)
So You Want Your Boyfriend To Dominate You (Source: domwithpen.tumblr.com)
So Your Girlfriend Wants You To Dominate Her (Source: domwithpen.tumblr.com)
The Unfortunate But Common Misconceptions About DD/lg Relationships (Source: a-lolitas-life.tumblr.com)
Play:
Consent Is Mandatory And Non-Negotiable (Source: fortheloveofasub.tumblr.com)
Food Play (Source: bdsmsadomasochism.tumblr.com)
How (and Why) To Go Down On Your Submissive (Source: domwithpen.tumblr.com)
Initial Steps Into Orgasm on Command Training (Source: submissiveguide.com)
Rules and Tasks for Building Confidence (Source: themostdangerousplaything.tumblr.com)
Tools of Consent in BDSM (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
Training in D/s - Why? (Source: her-master.tumblr.com)
Training in D/s - How? (Source: her-master.tumblr.com)
Training in D/s - Thoughts And Concerns (Source: her-master.tumblr.com)
Wax Play (Source: bdsmsadomasochism.tumblr.com)
Safety:
Basics Of Safe, Sane And Consensual Power Exchange (Source: Molly Devon / the-iron-gate.com)
Common Sense (Source: Sean R. Powell / the-iron-gate.com)
Emotional Safety (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
Offline/Online BDSM Safety Rules (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
Ouch Is Not A Safe Word: Safe Words, Limits, and Scene Protocol (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
Rules For Meeting Strangers (Source: Jack Rinella / leathernews.com)
Safewords and Safesigns 101 (Source: kinkology.tumblr.com)
S.S.C. VS R.A.C.K. (Source: Justin Medlin / the-iron-gate.com)
Checklists, Communication and Negotiation:
BDSM Play Partner Check List (Source: Sovereign House / the-iron-gate.com)
BDSM Scene Negotiations (Source: daddyvinnie.tumblr.com)
Can I Get That In Writing: Basics of Negotiations (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
Communication (Source: submissivesupportgroup.tumblr.com)
If I Ever See Another Checklist I Will Scream: An Extremely Thorough Play Checklist (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
Negotiation Forms (Source: Jay Wiseman, SM 101: A Realistic Introduction / greenerypress.com)
What Are Negotiations Good For? (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
Sub Drop and Aftercare:
Aftercare for submissives (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)
Aftercare for Dominants (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)
Aftercare for Switches (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)
Emergency Self-Administered Aftercare (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)
Sub Drop (Source: David Williams / subshelpingsubs.tripod.com)
Sub Drop and Aftercare (Source: desires-of-a-domimant-man.tumblr.com)
Dominance and Dominants:
A Dominant is NOT… (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
Advice to a Novice Dom (Source: Washington Sexuality University / the-iron-gate.com)
Advice to a Novice Dominant (Source: cherhatton.tumblr.com)
An Open Letter To A Novice Dom (Source: evilmonk.org)
Qualities of A Successful Dominant (Source: Polly Peachum / the-iron-gate.com)
Daddy Doms: They’re Not What You Think (Source: edenfantasys.com)
Domination for Nice Guys (Source: Franklin Veaux / the-iron-gate.com)
How To Spot A Non Dominant (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
Learning To Be A Dom (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
Run Don’t Walk: Warning Signs of A Predator Dom/me Part 1 (Source: submissiveguide.com)
Run Don’t Walk: Warning Signs of A Predator Dom/me Part 2 (Source: submissiveguide.com)
Red Flags, Warning Signs, and Intuition: Learning to Trust You Instincts - Part One: Dominants (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
The Dominant (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
What Is A Daddy Dom? (Source: babygirlsndaddydoms.webs.com)
What Makes A Good Dominant (Source: Kim Debron / kimdebron.tripod.com)
What Should A Dominant Be (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
Submission and Submissives:
10 Considerations For Inexperienced Subs (Source: fortheloveofasub.tumblr.com)
A Submissive Bill of Rights (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
A Submissive’s Creed (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
A Submissive’s Ethics (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
Introduction To Submission (Source: Kim Debron / kimdebron.tripod.com)
Learning to Trust Your Instincts (Source: bewildbetruebekinkybeyou.tumblr.com)
Red Flags, Warning Signs, and Intuition: Learning to Trust You Instincts- Part 2: Submissives/Slaves (Source: the-iron-gate.com)
Some Rules For The Submissive (Source: daddylookingforhisbaby.tumblr.com)
Submissive Owner’s Manual (Source: youmadememe.tumblr.com)
Ten Tips For The Novice, Heterosexual submissive Woman (Source: Jay Wiseman / the-iron-gate.com)
Warning Signs for Submissives (Source: RC Bauer / the-iron-gate.com)
What Is A Babygirl? (Source: babygirlsndaddydoms.webs.com)
Books:
BDSM: The Naked Truth by Dr Charley Ferrer
Dear Raven and Joshua: Questions and Answers About Master/Slave Relationships by Joshua Tenpenny and Raven Kaldera
Devil in the Details I: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - The Master, The Slave, The Power by LT Morrison
Devil in the Details II: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - Mastery Refine: The Issues, The Skills by LT Morrison
Devil in the Details III: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - Sustainable Structure and Traning by LT Morrison
Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission by William Brame, Gloria Brame and Jon Jacobs
Living M/s: A Book for Masters, slaves and Their Relationships by Dan and Dawn Williams
Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice by Robert Rubel
Master/slave Relations: Communications 401 by Robert Rubel
Master/slave Relations: Solutions 402, Living in Harmony by Robert Rubel
Protocols: A Variety of Views by Robert Rubel
Real Service by Joshua Tenpenny and Raven Kaldera
Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Phillp Miller and Molly Devon
SM101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman
The Control Book by Peter Masters
The Loving Dominant by John and Libby Warren
The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy.
The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy.
The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge by Tristan Taormino
This Curious Human Phenomenon: An Exploration of Some Uncommonly Explored Aspects of BDSM by Peter Masters
Where I Am Led: A Service Exploration Workbook by Christina Parker
