Silliest worshipper
Description: You have the ability to use Divine Intervention and all the other “Ask to your God” spells any times you want with an instant recharge only if you use it for something silly (DM’s decision) and if your God is Chaotic-Neutral/Good aligned.
Functionality: You use the spell to ask something silly to your God (another of the same meal you just had, to win a low/no reward slug race, have a nice silly hat, find a good pun on the spot, etc etc) and the God does it, then you feel a pat on your head and hear an astral voice say “Yes, sure darling, no need to use your precious spells for this” you feel warm and then everything turns back to normal, with your wish granted.
This can also work for warlocks only if your patron is Chaotic-Neutral/Good aligned.
In general, this can take effects if your deity is a momma type, even if it’s Lawful/Good but if it is Lawful/Good sometimes it will say things like “But next time use it for good alright sweetie?” making you feel slightly guilty, the more you use it for sillies without using it for something good.
Inspiration: the BG3 playthrough of @dare-to-dm (silly paladins are my favourite, use this so you can have fun in D&D sweetie ❤️)
Description: A magic scroll that can store a spell of the owner’s choice (or can be changed once per king rest) that buffs the spell stored but debuffs all the similar ones that the owner casts (not counting those casted using items).
Functionality: Once per long rest the player chooses a spell to store in the scroll or decide if they’ll change the already stored spell or keep it. The spell stored gains a +(3+X) dices that the player can split into:
Damage roll
To hit roll
Other rolls
The X stands for the types of damage that the spell deals/protect/affects in any way. The addition of the 3+X dices can be done only after having rolled that, example:
Matt rolls to hit (4) so spends one of the (3+1) dices but fail again. Nothing happens anymore.
Liz rolls to hit (22) but still fails so she spends two of her (3+2) dices going up to 36, that hits. She then rolls for damage, doing a total of 25 fire damage and 15 necrotic damage. But since she has still 3 dices and REALLY wants the monster dead, she uses her 3 dices again, more on the fire damage because those are d8 while the necrotic uses d12, rolling 8 and 5 on the additional fire damage and 11 on the necrotic damage killing the beast.
In the next turn (or encounter) the player who has the scroll still has the maximum (3+X) dices, until the spell slots run out, the scroll will work.
BUT
If the stored spell deals fire damage, all the other fire damage-dealing spells (not magic items) will receive disadvantage in the damage rolls
This happens to all the types of damage that the stored spell deals.
That means that Matt’s psychic spell, even if it didn’t landed, and Liz fire/necrotic spell are the only ones that deal a noticeable amount of those types of damage.
If the spell doesn’t deal any damage nor affects any type of damage in particular the spell will be rejected by the scroll.
If the spell heals, it can be used. Use +(1+Z) where Z is the number of targets (you count too, even if it’s only a self spell, so the minimum is +2). But gives disadvantage to all the other healing spells.
Inspiration: the meme above (this is an old draft, I didn’t know yet that links were easier and I’ve already wrote too much to change it) thanks @catchymemes ❤️
Description: A hero who gets reincarnated over and over again to kill the BBEG (who also gets reincarnated over and over again) but neither of them is actually always the hero or BBEG, because the Hero is the only who retains their memory while the BBEG is the only who keeps their immense power and the Hero always has to kill the BBEG whatever they do.
One time the BBEG was actually a powerful Aasimar paladin of Tyr, who caught dragons and protected millions of people from them while the Hero was a Tortle and spent 10 years to infiltrate in the inner circle of the BBEG to kill them by giving them a food imbued in a drop of all the dragons that the BBEG killed that was filled with hatred towards them and so it was Highly deathly to them
Another time the BBEG was the father of the hero but since he was the King’s right hand and the wizard of court, the hero saw him for so little that every attempt he tried always resulted into a goofy scene of a toddler trying to “hug” is dad and falling head first against a chair
One time the Hero was a Giant and the BBEG a Halfling… wait that was very easy to accomplish actually
Why? Because the Hero and the “first” BBEG were secretly lovers, and when the BBEG died by the Hero’s hands (it was in the middle of the battle and they knew that this moment was gonna happen one day) the Hero lost all his will to live and made a pact to a God, not one of the good one but like a sillier Loki.
In exchange to entertainment for the God, the Hero and the BBEG reincarnated over and over again (the BBEG without their memories because they were already dead, but with the same high power because it was so strong that it was still there, filling the place where they died while the Hero always with random powers and abilities to entertain the God) and every time that the Hero killed the BBEG they could share one “year” (in the real world it’s an instant) together, obviously them being the first Hero and the first BBEG.
During the “year” together they live in an imaginary castle always slightly different than the last time, built by the God during the moments of their lives when kind of nothing happens (when they’re toddlers for example, like when you watch a show and it gets interrupted by the ads and you rush to the toilet) and the Hero would tell the BBEG stories of their last encounter and while in there they (both of them) can actually change their appearances to their previous bodies. The BBEG loves to do it to see how different they are from their “first” body, since they have no memory of their other lives.
Inspiration: this shorts of hamasamakun (check them out!) https://youtube.com/shorts/95T4-peUuow?si=TTG-cytOFLt0Stj4
Mining War Elephants
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Description: Elephants with tusks that are made of various metals, from iron to mithril and even adamantium, that they can make them spin at high speed to use them as underground drills to mine or to attack their enemies. The material of their tusks resembles their strength and power, every 3 months they fall and new ones reform in two days, in this time the material can change into something weaker or stronger if the strength of the Mining War Elephant has changed, it only depends on how strong the mount has become.
The tusks can also be manually replaced with ones that are made of stronger materials. Creating from 0 new Tusks will take 1d6 days (max 4 if the forger is a Dwarf, max 3 if they’re a blacksmith or an artisan, max 2 if both) to create two tusks, then you need to wait for the Elephant’s tusk to fall naturally, to put the forged tusks into their place, roll both an Animal Handling and a Medicine check, if the result is higher than 14 you succeed, on a lower roll the Elephant will refuse new tusks for 24h because your player hurtled them on accident. (You have two attempts, after that normal tusks will grow and you’ll need to wait 3 months). Only Dwarves can persuade the Mining War Elephants into retrying on the same day after a fail.
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Inspiration: the meme of @dwarf-posting about the epic fact shared by @zinjanthropusboisei (thanks to both!)
View on Twitter
These pictures are killing me
Psychic Fox
Description: A seemingly normal Giant Fox that, only at night, looks like a fox being looked through a thermal sight.
Functionality: The Psychic Fox will first appear to the party during the day, looking at them from afar and studying them during an encounter or analysing their actions. If the Psychic Fox is approached, the party gets blinded and deafened for 6 seconds, after that it all goes back to normal but the Psychic Fox is disappeared. Any way to find or trace the Psychic Fox fails automatically.
The night after:
If the Psychic Fox deemed the party worthy, they’ll find a cub of Psychic Fox next to them when they wake up. The original Psychic Fox will sometimes reappear, to check on the cub, for the next 6d6 days, after that, it will never show up again. The cub is one week old (determinable by the party only after a successful Nature check).
If the Psychic Fox deemed the party unworthy, they’ll find their food missing, and the Psychic Fox will never show up again.
Once the cub is 1 month old it’ll be loyal enough to be able to aid the party:
1/day it can deafen for 6 seconds all enemies or non-allies in a 10ft radius
1/day it can blind for 6 seconds all enemies or non-allies in a 10ft radius
Small size
Understands Common and Sylvan
At 2 months:
2/day it can deafen for 6 seconds all enemies or non-allies in a 20ft radius
2/day it can blind for 6 seconds all enemies or non-allies in a 20ft radius
Bite and scratch attack
1/day can cast Minor Illusion
1/day can cast Mirror Image
Understands one other language (the most used in the party except Common or one of the languages their favourite party member speaks)
At 3 months:
3/day it can deafen for 6 seconds all enemies or non-allies in a 30ft radius
3/day it can blind for 6 seconds all enemies or non-allies in a 30ft radius
Medium size
2/day Minor illusion
1/day Hypnotic Pattern
At 4 months:
3/day Minor Illusion
2/day Mirror Image
2/day Hypnotic Pattern
1/day Major Image
No one is the owner of a Psychic Fox, not even when it’s a cub. The decisions are all made by the DM during battle. If spoken to with Soeak with Animal or other mechanics, it will have a Primordial accent (described as a guttural way of speaking by those not familiar with Primordial). The Psychic Fox will disappear after 4 and a half months for two weeks, before returning for one lasts month (presumably to have a baby and give it to another party).
At 5 months:
5/day Minor Illusion
4/day Mirror Image
4/day Hypnotic Pattern
3/day Major Image
1/day Seeming
1/day Weird
After 5 months and a half the Psychic Fox will disappear, forever. It will leave only X luminous spheres of light that when touched grants those who did it a sense of well being and immunity to being blinded and deafened. Those who gained a Psychic Fox blessing can also, only at night, focus and look like under a thermal sight until concentration ends.
Inspiration: the amazing artwork of @kittydisk (I procrastinated this so much and I don’t know why)
CeeCee
Description: Looks like a completely normal and ordinary cat
Functionality: Because it is a completely normal and ordinary cat
Inspiration: Cat
Paper Knife
Description: A piece of paper with a drawing of a knife. The piece of paper can’t be burned or destroyed as long as it has charges. Per each charges used, the knife drawn gets more and more covered in blood. Recharges every day.
Functionality: 23/day you can touch the piece of paper and point at an enemy that immediately suffer 1d4 piercing damage, or 1d6 if outside of combat (this action starts combat)
Inspiration: @trilliath’s mom
I was explaining to my mom about how tumblr is excited for the ides of march tomorrow, and celebrating the assassination of a corrupt politician etc. etc. and she goes, "Oh! So what do we wear!"
And I said, "IDK a knife?"
And she said, "Ohh, I don't think I can get away with that at the conference. But I know, I'll draw a picture of a knife and carry it around in my pocket and get a giggle out of it whenever I look in my pocket!"
Anyway my mom's brilliant and I think we should all carry paper knives tomorrow.
God’s Plan
Plot: The party finds a quest to kill a God, that in the quest is described as useless and incapable, and as reward they could obtain the God’s powers and title (the quest is enchanted in a way that only those that have a non-Evil alignment can read it)
They found the God, VERY quickly and slowly realise that the deity is the one who wrote the quest, after falling in a deep depression due to the lack of followers. The party’s new objective will be to be the therapists of the God while spreading their name and doing good deeds in their honour, becoming the God’s first paladins after a long time of loneliness.
Inspiration: The meme above (thanks @jodetesuciaperra)
I’m both these people and I hate it
there is an IMAGE in my HEAD and i cannot DRAW IT. hatred and rage.
Gleep Glorp
Description: A small, tiny, mini octopus. It goes gleep glorp. It makes you slightly more squishy and bouncy and glorpy.
Functionality:
+5 ft to your max jump
Advantage on grappling enemies
Roll a d4 if you get hit by a bludgeoning weapon (3d6 damage = 3d4, 1d20 damage = 1d4) the result is the damage that the attacker receives as the weapon bounces back from your glorpious body.
You must feed Gleep Glorp.
A hungry Gleep Glorp can leave to find a better owner or threatening you by revoking your gleepy privileges.
Inspiration: Gleep Glorp @the-lumpfish-king
This is a PERFECT way to introduce D&D to a party of newbies.
Maybe make the child mute (so that they cannot say their own name, escaping the oldest trick in the book) or simply make them very nice to the fairies and respectful of the nature thanks to, idk, a grandma Druid.
If you take the grandma Druid you can make that since she was very rich thanks to her adventures, some bandits kidnapped the child to have for ransom. Then the Grandma, knowing the relationship with the fairies that his grandson had, asked for their help.
For 10+ years a child goes to a forest to play/talk with the fairies there despite local legends of their sadism/cruelty, and afflicting fates worse than death. So when the now 16 y/o child is abducted, the traffickers find out not all local legends are BS when the fairies come for their “pet”.
she/her 🏳️⚧️ 20Send me random posts and memes and I’ll turn them into D&D homebrewSomehow 99% of my stuff is cat-related
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