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reminder that many abuse victims get triggered by anger, whether it’s directed at them or not. please be mindful of your actions

mr darcy: literally insults elizabeth’s entire family while proposing

elizabeth: you are the last man in the world whom i could ever be prevailed upon to marry

mr darcy:

Enough excuses for parents who abused their kids but “meant the best”. They “meant the best” for themselves, not for the kids. It’s fucking easy to just rely on emotional abuse, threats, humiliation, shame, guilt and violence to get your way and to force your kid to stay in control and to sabotage and fuck up the child’s life so you would feel good about it, and then to just remind yourself “i meant the best” to feel no guilt about doing so whatsoever. Just repeating to yourself “it doesn’t hurt them” and “they deserved it”  while actively forcing your child to keep all the obvious trauma symptoms out of sight or ensuring the child believes it’s their own damn fault for feeling the way they do.

You know what’s not easy? Having your parent force control of your life via emotional abuse, threats, shame, humiliation, violence. Your parent getting into your own head and  gaslighting your senses until you feel worthless and insane and like a monster, until you don’t dare to feel your own feelings, until you’re ashamed of the pain you feel and can’t see yourself as anything other than a horrible burden and nothing you do can ever change that or make you good enough. You know what’s even harder? Still believing that your parent “meant the best” and not even daring to blame them and still being forced to draw the conclusion that it was after all, all your fault, for existing as you do, for being who you are, for not ever being good enough! And then, on top of all of it, hearing the rest of the world agree with the parent’s view, pressuring you to never blame them, to forgive them, to never hold them responsible, to “be better” and understand them, to not ever try to place blame on anyone but yourself because then you’re the monster.

Just. How. Is. One. Supposed. To. Heal. From. That. Healing can’t even begin until the blame is placed on the parent! This person literally benefited from their child’s suffering! They did not get affected negatively from it at all, they didn’t even care, they walked away satisfied and getting what they wanted while the child now has a lifetime of traumatic consequences and mental illness problems! Their freedom is taken away, their quality of life reduced, their relationships and friendships sabotaged, their confidence crushed! They’re placed at extra risk for addictions and obsessions because they keep falling into the black pit of trauma no matter how hard they try to distract and their life is heavy and painful no matter how well they do afterwards! Their brain can’t regulate stress properly anymore! Abuse causes literal brain damage and all this is just so the parents would get their way! And you all still insist they shouldn’t feel guilty about it or be faced with consequences of their abuse? They shouldn’t fucking admit to themselves and to their children what they’ve done? If the truth will kill them, let them die. Abused children’s right to heal comes way before the abusers feeling good about themselves.

which brings me to my next theory, which is that we've seen an increase in screentime with kids along with 1) obviously, an increase in screentime with adults. people w/o kids love to say "parents shouldn't give their kids screens just to pacify them!" when they are constantly in the act of pacifying themselves with netflix, youtube, spotify, instagram, tumblr, whatever. but also, 2) an increase in the surveillance of parents and children. right? like, yes, screens pacify children. but there is also a value placed on "pacified children" in public spaces. i don't use that many screens with my kids (we keep the television in the closet lmao) and they tend to be goblins / gremlins / feral creatures / sobbing limp noodles -- at all times, but also in public. and yes, i have seen the glares and stares. reactions to their normal child behavior. people in general do not dig kids, man. and that's due to the separation of social spheres in this society... teenagers are over there, elderly people over there, parents with young kids over there, etc, and they are purposefully all kept separated, and people don't know what the fuck to do when the spheres intersect. if there was less social judgment of children and more of a cohesive helpful social structure things would be a lot easier for parents, and then parents wouldn't feel like they had to pacify their children with screens just to get through sitting in a waiting room. you know what i'm saying? i'm saying that your same impulse to judge the parent with the kid and the phone is the same watchful eye that makes the parent anxious and feel they have to use the phone with the kid.

also vanya!

names related to butterflies, moths, and fireflies:

aruna, adela, ismeria, yara, greta, una, saffron, zephyr, chouko, eilira, parvaneh, calesia, luna, psyche, palmyra, acantha, asteria, isola, paru, mirza, esmeralda, zoumi, saga, kahli, ankova, apollo, thora, galatea, kimko, cayana, sula, malam, rekoa, ocaria, hesperia

concept: my home is filled with sunshine, always, and the sound of wind chimes in the morning. the doors are always open and it smells like sea. i am never lonely. this is my place.

if you’ve ever left me a message asking me if I’m okay, or liked a post in which I was ranting about my bad day, or liked a selfie, or just anything nice like that- just know that I remember you, I am grateful for you, and you made my day better with your tiny gesture.

Piccadilly Circus, c. 1928-1955 

Me: writes unedited nonsense

Also me: gets annoyed when that unedited nonsense has typos