PSA To Everybody Not Sure Why We're Celebrating The Ides Of March, Let Me Break It Down.

Sirius clings to his mother and cries twice in his life, no more and no less. It helps that he usually expresses his emotions through anger as opposed to tears but almost spitefully he refuses to let her see any emotion from him. If she wanted a proper perfect statue he would give her one. The first time, he was seven. He hardly remembers it, but she'll never let the memory go, even if it becomes distorted over time.

He was playing the piano, one of the only lessons he took any interest in. She was watching him play, as he had been preparing the piece for a week now. Towards the end, Regulus, who had been sat on the ground outside the room listening in, has a burst of accidental magic. One of the first displays of it, as well as one of his first displays of jealousy. A few of the strings snap inside the instrument, making the keys silent, and before Walburga can realise what is going on, the lid slams shut on his fingers. She rushes over and lifts the lid, taking his hands to check that they are okay. Sirius tries his best not to cry but when he sees Regulus in the doorway and his mum runs her thumb over his fingers to make sure he's okay, he can't help it. The tears fall silently and she only notices when she glances up to ask if he can feel anything. He shuffles closer and she wraps an arm around his shoulder, pulling him closer as he sobs.

As he had gotten older and gone to school, he trusted her with his emotions less, eventually growing to despise her for her high standards and backwards ideologies. He leaves and tells himself that he has no emotional attachment to anybody from the family anymore, especially not her.

But when he discovers Regulus' disappearance through a small article in the paper, he isn't even thinking as he gets on the tube and walks to Grimmauld. He finds himself at his old home, sat on the bottom doorstep asking himself what he was doing. He doesn't knock, and is trying to find the strength to stand up when the door opens. It isn't Kreacher's bitter face he is met with, and his father was always dead so there was no way it would be him. It was Walburga. She stares for a while, then addresses him by his name, with the implication of 'what are you doing here?'. He can't answer. The anger he'd normally have bubbling away is gone and all he can do is try not to break.

Minutes pass in silence before he says anything and she stays exactly where she is, looking down her nose at him. When he eventually does speak, all he says is 'it's true?'. She nods and his chin trembles. She thinks he's angry but he's just exhausted. Stupidly, he moves towards her, not even thinking as he leans his head on her chin and gently grips the fabric at the bottom of her skirt as he starts to sob. It's pathetic but he can't even control what he's doing.

And she can't help it either, she may be furious that he had left and 'destroyed' the family but that's the boy she held close while Orion was bitching on about how quickly she could be recovered enough to make appearances with 'his' heir. And Sirius looked so much like her baby brother Alphie when he was upset. So she sinks to the ground, getting dirt on her expensive dress, and holds her baby to her chest, staring out across the road in silence. She shushes him and runs her fingers through his hair, now almost long enough to reach his elbows. Sirius wouldn't mention it to anybody else when he got back home and he tries not to think about it but for Walburga, it shifts her entire perspective on him in the last few years of her life.

Regulus who learned to be an animagus to sneak out of his room and onto his roof at night

Regulus who soon learned being an animagus comes in equally is handy to sneak around the castle at night

Regulus who crosses paths as an animagus with James when he was out for a prank, and he couldn’t stay away. its always easier to give into what he wants when he’s a cat

Regulus who finds out James is really good at petting

Regulus who acts like it didn’t happen at all

Regulus who keeps sneaking out to walk around and clear his mind and keeps every once in a while bumping into James, more and more until it’s every night he can’t escape James finding him to play

Regulus who starts actively looking for James because, well, James will find him anyway so let’s save themselves the time

Regulus who once a month can’t find James and james apparently can’t find him either, but he gets visits of a stag in the courtyard

Regulus who one night finds james drunk, after he snuck out of a gryffindor party, and keeps him company until he sobers up. James doesn’t, he talks and talks to the cat. At one point he tells him he reminds him of a boy he likes. they fall asleep together for the first time

Regulus who learned enough about animagi to become one and do silly things, not caring much about the details for the first time in his life. Regulus who therefore doesn’t know animagi can accidentally turn back human in their sleep, o even turn back into animals all without waking up

James who wakes up at 4am in some hallway, still tipsy and with a headache, and looks down to see regulus laying down on top of him fast asleep

James who says “i knew it” before falling back asleep and acting like nothing happened

Regulus who woke up an hour later, a cat again, in horror at how well he slept. He claw James’ hands to jolt him awake before leaving him there and going back to his room

James and Regulus who end up routinely sleeping on James’ bed, because James wants to and Regulus is convinced nobody will know anyway if he’s a cat

Regulus who turns switches between human and animal repeatedly in his sleep and James keeps acting like he doesn’t know but still charms his curtains every time so nobody will ever see

Regulus who wakes up from a bad nightmare in James’ bed and James hurries to comfort and reassure him

Regulus who is still in shock from the nightmare it takes him a second to realize he’s a human… around James

Regulus who takes evem longer to realize James isn’t reacting at all to the fact he is a human in his bed… he is Regulus of all people, in his bed

and then they kiss mwah mwah thank you

so embarrassing when i forget im checking someone's blog and i start scrolling through and liking and reblogging shit as if it's just my dash. it feels like wandering into someone else's apartment and not noticing and making myself lunch

5 years ago, I was in Rehab.

10 years ago, I was watching my Potential and Opportunities dissolve and evaporate in an ocean of cheap gin and expensive whiskey.

But 5 years ago, I was in Rehab.

One of the exercises they had us perform was to imagine ourselves happy, 5 years in the future.

Many of us in that room had forgotten how to imagine nice things happening to them. A few snorted (well, I snorted), finding the notion that we’d even still be around in 5 years grimly humorous.

For about half of us, it was the last stop on the way down.

But I indulged the therapist. I was there, after all, because I did not want to die. So, I imagined myself, 5 years hence.

Happy.

It came to me all at once; an artistic remix on Norman Rockwell’s Freedom From Want, reframed with myself placing food at the table.

Sunday Dinner At My Place, I answered, when it came my turn to share my fantasy. I was asked what food I imagined eating.

It’s not the meal itself, I said, it’s the implications framed around it. Sunday Dinner At My Place means that I have a Place. It means that I have Family that will actually speak to me and friends who actually want to see me. It means money enough not just to feed myself but others too. It means having the time to spare to take the time preparing the meal.

A lot of nodding heads all around me. A struck chord. Many people with no Place, in that place. Nowhere that would lament their leaving.

5 years hence, as I lay down to sleep in my Home, with my Wife and my Son, surrounded by my Art and my Flowers, I reflect.

It was a long road. It was hard. We lost people. So many people. There were long days and long nights and hospital stays. Angry arguments with ghosts. I changed, in ways I never hoped for, or expected. Good ways, finally, for once. Slowly, against the backdrop of a world in chaos, I found my mind.

Sometimes, My Wife wondered aloud, what she did to deserve me. After some stumbling with my feelings, I eventually settled on an answer.

I’m a Rescue.

She gave me a Home.

And, so, I gave her a Family.

It seemed fair

This Sunday, my folks, which whom I have not had a shouting match in years, will come over for dinner. We will cook and eat together. My Friend became My Wife, and she took a piece of me and with it she made Our Son. There will be many hugs, and no violence. Good Things Happened.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t know what the future holds.

don’t give up yet, ok?

It could get good, even.

I like meeting new people, i want to have new friends, new experiences, new stories, lives, opinions.

I want to be picked so badly but not in a pick me way. I'm not desperate for attention or the feeling of being loved, no.

I want them to rip me open, to see my darkest and my brightest thoughts, my worst and my best moments. I want it to hurt, me and them.

I want them to know what I wanted to be as a child, what i want to be now.

I want to be an astronaut, i want to leave this earth behind, live outside of it for long enough to forget.

I want to be one of these pretty, mysterious persons, but where you have the feeling you know them so well but nothing at all.

I want to rip them open, to know their lightest and darkest Secrets, their best and worst experiences.

I want to know what their greatest wish was as a child, what their greatest wish is now, and how they would react to achieving either of them.

I want it to be bloody and ugly, deep and painful, I want it to be short and i want them to never forget me, when, in the end, i eventually run out of interesting things to hold them to me and they leave me split open and burning.

oh to be loved the way i love

call me ignorant but i genuinely don’t understand why sports have to be split up by gender.

Pink Prison, a comic I did for my color theory class this semester! we had to pick a color, research it, and do a piece related to it somehow. i chose pink :)