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Now this is The Negotiatior

Soresu Negotiations

“Get help,” Palpatine said. “You’re no match for him. He’s a Sith Lord.”

Obi-Wan turned to look at the Chancellor. “...yes?” he said. “But he’s also something else – something I’m surprised you’ve forgotten.”

“What?” Palpatine asked.

“A politician,” Obi-Wan replied, turning back to Dooku.

Anakin groaned, then sat down.

“Here we go,” he said.

Palpatine blinked, looking from Anakin to Obi-Wan.

“...what do you mean, Anakin?” he asked.

“This happens sometimes,” Anakin replied. “How do you think he got his nickname?”

“Count,” Obi-Wan said, at about the same time. “It’s occurred to me that I never actually found out what the Confederacy wants.”

“Isn’t it a little late for this?” Dooku asked. “We have been at war for several years.”

“True,” Obi-Wan conceded, readily. “The war having started on Geonosis, because of tracing back your clone army which we… appear to have appropriated, mostly because you did it in our name. But that’s how the war started – not your objectives.”

Dooku was silent for a moment.

“I assume some semblance of a point will be emerging,” he said, eventually. “If you could be so kind as to provide it?”

“Wars begin for all sorts of reasons,” Obi-Wan replied. “But how they end… they end because a mutual settlement has been reached. And it’s occurred to me that I don’t know what you’d want out of a victory.”

He spread his hand, the one not holding the – unlit – saber. “It’s not the conquest of the Republic, I can tell that much. If the CIS annexed the Republic, what you’d have would still be the Republic, just under a different name… it’s not the Republic without the corruption that’s been causing it problems, because most of the corruption in the Republic was – was – the big industrial concerns like the Techno Union, Commerce Guild, Trade Federation. But you seem to have taken all of those off our hands, and they provide essentially your entire military so I don’t think anyone else could honestly believe that either.”

“I wouldn’t expect a Jedi to understand,” Dooku replied. “The Confederacy’s member systems have concerns relating to over-centralization.”

Obi-Wan stared at him for a long moment.

“...no they don’t,” he said.

“I hardly think you can have earned your reputation as a negotiator, Kenobi, if you are so willing to be insulting,” Dooku said, archly.

“That’s not what I mean,” Obi-Wan replied. “I mean… yes, now the Republic has an army, though really it’s actually the Jedi’s army and we’re simply letting them borrow it, but four years ago the Galactic Republic was proverbially incapable of doing anything. It took emergency powers for the Chancellor to get the Republic to authorize having any kind of military whatsoever – and the only one available was the one you ordered. That’s not over-centralization.”

He drummed his fingers on his ‘saber. “And I note that I overheard Nute Gunray insisting on the head of Senator Amidala – literally, in those words – as his price for signing a treaty. But I still haven’t heard an actual answer. What does the Galaxy look like if the Confederacy wins?”

Dooku frowned, and after about three seconds Obi-Wan glanced at the Chancellor.

“Didn’t you discuss this at any point, your excellency?” he asked. “Count Dooku doesn’t seem to have thought about this.”

Palpatine blinked.

“...he’s a Sith Lord,” he repeated. “Shouldn’t you be fighting him?”

“It’s called diplomacy, Chancellor,” Obi-Wan replied, before returning his attention to Dooku. “Grandmaster, are you seriously telling me that you never thought about what you would do if you won?”

Anakin checked his comlink, for the time, then the ship trembled slightly.

“Artoo?” he asked. “Can you tell those ships outside to stop shooting at us and give us a wide berth? This could take hours and I don’t want to find out if my name’s literal.”

“Hours?” Palpatine repeated.

“He’s rolling,” Anakin replied, rolling his eyes. “Like I say, I’m used to this.”

He rummaged in a pocket of his robes, taking out a miniature toolkit, and began disassembling his lightsaber. “I’m pretty sure I can retune these crystals to give two stable configurations which it’ll snap between, that should give me a length toggle instead of a single adjustable length…”

“Are you taking your lightsaber apart?” Palpatine hissed. “What if you need to fight?”

“It’s okay, Chancellor, I’ll get about five minutes’ warning if the negotiations are going downhill,” Anakin replied. “That should be time to put it back together again…”

Palpatine looked up to Obi-Wan, who – sure enough – was still going.

“...of course, a separate but related issue is what it’s going to be like afterwards,” Obi-Wan said. “In principle the Republic and the Jedi Order could probably accept the existence of Sith so long as we actually knew who they were and they weren’t trying to destroy us. It’s the fact that the first Sith we met in a thousand years tried to run Anakin over and cut Qui-Gon’s head off as an opening move that’s soured us towards them a bit… but are you really going to be content as someone whose whole job is to die for Sidious?”

Dooku stared at Obi-Wan, baffled, then glanced at Palpatine and Anakin.

“What do you mean?” he asked, forcing his gaze back to Obi-Wan.

“Sidious is your Master, we know that much,” Obi-Wan replied. “Partly because you told me yourself. But has he ever put himself in danger? Or has it all been you dealing with Jedi like myself and my apprentice? Putting yourself out there, in danger, while you do exactly what he says?”

He smiled slightly. “A Jedi would accept that, but you’re a Sith – you’ve said so yourself. Sith are self-interested. What do you think your new master is getting out of the situation? Because if you don’t know, it’s got to be something and it’s probably something he doesn’t want to tell you.”

“My master is quite willing to put himself in danger,” Dooku said, then clamped his lips shut at a frantic mouthed shut up from Palpatine.

“Real or feigned?” Obi-Wan asked. “Do you think he wouldn’t manipulate you? He’s been doing it to everyone else – you’ve said it.”

Dooku’s brow furrowed.

“But we’re getting off topic,” Obi-Wan said, turning to look at Palpatine. “Chancellor, what about this as a starting point? Your emergency powers were granted to resolve the crisis, and I’m sure you want to abandon them as soon as possible… so why not take away the whole reason why the individual systems in the Confederacy had problems with the Republic to begin with? Freely allow the departure of any system which wishes to do so, under the emergency powers legislation; enact a progressive tax, one which hits the Core worlds harder owing to their greater ability to pay, to sustain a carrier based navy able to hunt pirates more effectively than conduct occupations or orbital bombardment, and have the navy established on a sector-federal two-level model?”

Palpatine stared at Obi-Wan for at least ten seconds.

“...he’s a Sith Lord,” he said, yet again.

“Oh, shut up,” Dooku replied. “You’re a Sith Lord and I don’t see you doing anything constructive.”

Obi-Wan glanced at Palpatine.

“...you know,” he began. “I’m quite sure you’d need to note that on your financial disclosure forms, your Excellency.”

He turned sideways, so he could see both Dooku and Palpatine at the same time. “What was the point of this whole abduction, anyway?”

“As it happens, I was supposed to kill you,” Dooku said. “It’s the only way to turn Anakin to the Dark Side, if you’re out of the way.”

“Huh?” Anakin asked. “Is something up? I’ve almost got the crystals realigned.”

“This plan looked a lot better this morning,” Palpatine muttered.

slow morning

XD

I don't know anymore

Y’all are too nice in the fics where Obi-Wan gets turned into a cat. Listen, that little shit is gonna be an orange tabby cat. Do you know what that means???

He’s gonna bite everyone. Half his ghost company is gonna have cat scratch fever by the time he’s human again.

He meant those bites both angrily and lovingly at the same time. No he’s not elaborating.

Ekekekekekeks at everything

He would like not just one bite of Cody’s food, but the whole plate, actually

He’s gonna fight that guy *immediately gets bodied*

He climbs onto Cody’s shoulder and starts grooming his bucket. Yes he truly thinks that’s doing something

Spanks > normal soft pets

Pet him as aggressively as you can plz

Purrs 24/7

Cody will hold him with a single hand under his chest and just gesture with him while he’s purring so hard and Cody is fully talking with his hands cat flying all over. It’s their favorite

He would like your sandwich and no he’s not asking he’ll just take that thank you YOINK

He makes biscuits on Cody’s tits 😌 It hurts

He literally cannot comprehend that when he sleeps on Cody’s face Cody cannot breathe. They compromise by Cody spooning him and that helps a LOT. It’s the coziest and safest Obi-Wan has ever been in his life

Uppies. Now.

Crying whenever Cody isn’t there. Full on kitty cries and looking for him whenever he can’t see his sunshine love. Waxer and Boil are trying so hard not to give in plz General, Cody is in a meeting.

Like get more creative babes. He’s not gonna be some smart boy, he’s orange he’s gonna be looking for the braincell till they turn him into a human again.

I have no idea why I found this so hilarious 😂😂😂

I love that height difference 👌

This is the Best Shit I've seen today 🤣

Post-SI Class Story

Kallig: did you kill Thanaton?

Amala: yes

Kallig: did you become a Darth?

Amala: you know what, I did

Kallig: get a seat on the Dark Council?

Amala: that too

Kallig: given me grandchildren?

Amala: …no.

Kallig, banging pots and pans together: THEN GET TO IT, GO GO GO

This is why I like the Star Wars fandom 😌🤣

Do you ever think about how obi is the youngest on the council? All of his. colleagues remember him as a baby and an angry teenager. I would die if that was my workplace

ONLY ALL THE TIME

Obi-Wan getting jokingly called the "Council baby" in fics brings me so much joy. They recall when he was a feral, traumatised kid who would constantly get into trouble (though not much has changed there.....). Yoda has padawan photos. After Obi-Wan fucked up on a mission and landed himself in medbay, Yoda probably forwarded them to the rest of the council as punishment for getting hurt. Obi-Wan is STILL mad about it.

Anakin flat-out doesn't believe any of this, until Adi shows him a video of Qui-Gon dangling a squirming teenage Obi-Wan by the back of his robes like a mama tooka to stop him from leaping at another padawan and taking a chunk out of him

Codywaaaan

hi, do you happen to have any fic recs? :)

Hello!! Of course I have fic recs!!! Now, I must say I haven't read in two or three months due to depression and brainfog so none of these fics are recent but they are highly recommended by me!!

First off, we have non explicit fics!

The General by @snowywinterevenings

Very cute canonverse fluffy fic in which Cody adopts a tooka. There are cuddles.

the spaces between us by @soap-brain

This is THE codywan cuddling fic. It's the first fic that comes to mind when I want to read about them cuddling. It's canonverse.

seeing the long day through by @biscuityskies

Canonverse late night of flimsiwork. So soul wrenchingly tender. They had their first kiss(es). Stoked my overwhelming love for codywan by showing just how well these two can be done.

cherished in sunlight by @inkformyblood

This fic made me smile so much. It's perfect. Just perfect. Another first kiss fic, this time after the war. Soft, hopeful beginnings.

Another Happy Landing by @lttrsfrmlnrrgby

Goddddd this fic!!!! Order 66 happens, codywan lose one another (neither of which is shown in the fic), but this is their reunion!!! Obsessed with Lttrs' take on this.

calls for you tonight, to share this moonlight by @anaclastic-azurite

Modern AU with beekeeper Cody and baker Obi-Wan. Cody is just a gay disaster. He's so sweet. Alcha is the best at writing this dynamic.

Now! For explicit fics!

all your vivid dreams by @meebles

This is a no order 66 necking fic inspired by this artwork of mine. Read it. Have your life changed.

Chasing the Heat of You by @kotekenobii

This is THE fucking for warmth fic. Amen.

Thicker than water by @galateagalvanized

Canonverse vampire Obi-Wan. Cody gets his world rocked. What more could you want? (Also the art is hands down my favorite codywan art ever)

Right on Time by @elwenyere

This fic... God. Bury me with it. It's no order 66 and Cody and Obi-Wan have some spectacular marathon sex. It's fucking amazing.

well. haha. (nuts) by @oathkeeperoxas

Cody with a praise kink. Amen. It's no order 66 domestic sweetness. With hot smut.

Full Moon Blues and the Warmth of Sunlight by @anaclastic-azurite

Werewolf Obi-Wan spends his rut with his loving sun elf boyfriend Cody. Mwah mwah

This is a non-exhaustive list but I hope you enjoy reading these and perhaps acquire a new favorite or two! And of course, if you read, make sure to leave the author a comment ❤️

“They glossed over ezra finding out how the war ended” I wanna know who had to tell Thrawn that not only did the Death Star get destroyed exactly how he said it would, but the empire turned around and built another one that got blown up again

I love it. I just went on Pinterest and searched for 'tbb memes' cause I'm bored, and when I tell you every second one was about wanting Tech alive I ain't lying 🤣