Nonlinear-student - The Infinite Chaos

26 Oct (Intro. Number Theory)

This is by far the worst class that I have taken. Consistently I have been with the lowest grade, and my overall understanding of this class is abysmal. Despite being in my professor’s office every day.

In any case I make a point to strive for perfection, and not understanding something haunts me to my core. In any case I am forever hopeful. Im happy to be back, and I have lots to share

🎧 Momma Told Me - Earthgang

Stay Up y’all

7 April (Calc 4: happy exhaustion)

Today was rough, but I feel like I’m getting the hang of maximum and minimum values (thank you so much Lagrange).

I will say that I’m running into a bit of an existential crisis as far as my career is concerned. I feel like I really enjoy physics and am going to love making a job out of it, but this online learning environment is painful.

I want to actually do physics now that I have a better mathematical understanding, but at the same time I can only put forth so much effort in a class that has no social interaction. I can’t help but feel neglected considering I know how amazing my physics instructor is and knowing I’ll never officially have a “class” with him.

I’ve been struggling with my BPD as of late and it’s making me a bit more emotional than normal, but I’m taking strides to work through my issues.

A bit of positive news, I’m getting more comfortable on my skateboard, and am looking to land my first heelflip soon

You are strong

You are beautiful

You are powerful

Now go change the world

Stay up ✌🏿

🎧 The Watchtower - Sigimund

Feeling fairly productive today

Calc 3 notes ✔️

Calc 3 HW ✔️

3 min power nap ✔️

9 April (The joy of being in STEM)

Today was not the best by any stretch of the imagination. I was fighting myself most of the day trying to get my HW done despite putting in good time to try and complete it, the topics just aren’t resonating.

I find myself once again dragging behind the rest of my peers despite studying just as hard as they do. Sadly, I couldn’t tell you the last time I actually had a weekend to myself, or a nice moment that wasn’t overshadowed by the crippling weight of school.

I wish there were more instructors who truly understood that different students have different needs.

Stay up✌🏿

🎧 Einaudi: Fox Tracks (Day 1) - Ludovico Einaudi

dark academia on a budget

(because not only rich people can be dark academics)

-thrifting with friends for old sweaters that someone’s grandfather must have worn

-getting second (or third or fourth) hand books and reading the notes that other people left in them

-making sure everything is tidy and clean, no matter what

-adopting a minimalist aesthetic

-or making your own decorations (which then makes you better at lettering and art)

-sitting in a local cafe and buying the cheapest thing so that you can study there (and making sure that you tip as much as you can)

-reading poetry online, printing your favorites, and posting them on your walls

-taking as much of your family’s clothing that they’ll let you have

-rotating the same few shirts, pants, and shoes without anyone noticing

-a lack of jewelry (because there are more important things)

-sitting outside at a park to read or write

-looking outside windows on public transport while listening to somber music

31 March (Calc 4)

Today seemed to me an uphill battle from the start. I woke up to heart issues and dealing with an embedded lip ring (again), but I didn’t let that stop me.

I managed to get all of my work done, and am now trying to get further ahead so hopefully I won’t get crushed later on down the line.

Apologies for the short video, my iPhone corrupted most of the time lapse

Stay up y’all ✌🏿

🎧 L’Enfant Sauvage - Gojira

What is it about the age 28 that says hey it’s time to get things done?

I’m graduating from community college at 28.

Also shout out to my “late” bloomers.

My boyfriend didn’t go to university until he was 28 because he didn’t feel anywhere near ready when he was 18. He graduated with first-class honours, went on to do a Masters, and is now a history teacher. It’s so much more important to do things when you’re able to fully commit to them and do them to the best of your ability than to rush to do them by an imaginary deadline.

whats a nonlinear system

It’s a system that either tends toward infinity or tends toward a fixed point. The weather would be a key example of this. 😊

It is honestly saddening that I used to have to deal with this. Reposting for the fact that there are a lot of black students who have succumb to this mentality. Be proud of your education.